Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and natural: open with a clear topic sentence, then add one or two specific supporting details. Avoid clinical terms like “PTSD” unless you can explain them; use simpler phrasing (e.g. “I felt anxious”). Also reduce repetition and filler words.

例: I didn’t enjoy parks as a child. Once a group of older kids blocked the swings and pushed me off the slide, so I felt anxious about going back for a long time.

提案: Good clear answer with relevant details. Improve cohesion by linking ideas (e.g. “because” or “so”) and vary vocabulary slightly. Keep it within 3–4 sentences and avoid repeating simple phrases like “we go there”.

例: Yes, I enjoy parks now because I visit them with friends almost every weekend. We usually play badminton and sometimes invent games like tag or freeze-tag, which makes the visits lively and relaxing.

提案: Begin with a direct opinion, use precise vocabulary, and remove fillers (e.g. “umm”). Add a specific reason or example to support your point and use a linking word to connect ideas.

例: Yes, I would like more parks because they would add trees and green space to our neighbourhood. For example, extra parks would provide quiet areas to exercise or read, which would help reduce stress.

提案: Structure the answer: start with a short direct response, then give a clear supporting detail. Avoid repetition like “really, really” and prefer more specific descriptions (which parks or what features).

例: Not specifically, but I’d love to visit famous American parks someday because I’ve heard their landscaping and design are impressive. For instance, Central Park in New York is known for its mix of formal gardens and wide open lawns.

× I did not really like to go to parks as a child because I went there once and some people were bullying me.

✓ I did not really like going to parks as a child because I went there once and some people bullied me.

Use of 'like to go' is acceptable but 'like + -ing' is more natural when describing general preference in the past; also 'were bullying me' implies a continuous action but the intended meaning is a single past event so simple past 'bullied' is more appropriate. Suggestion: use 'liked going' or 'didn't like going' and use simple past for completed events.

× They would not let me go on the swings and they would push me off slides.

✓ They would not let me go on the swings and they pushed me off the slides.

The repeated use of 'would' here is inconsistent: 'would' can indicate habitual past, but the context describes specific past actions. Use simple past 'pushed' for specific completed actions. Also add 'the' before 'slides' to refer to specific slides.

× So I ended up having a bit of PTSD whenever I went to parks.

✓ So I ended up with a bit of PTSD whenever I went to parks.

Use 'ended up with' rather than 'ended up having' for a succinct idiomatic expression. The tense 'whenever I went to parks' is past habitual and is acceptable; keep it. Also consider 'going to parks' (with 'going') for natural phrasing.

× I like to go to parks now since I go with my friends almost every weekend.

✓ I like going to parks now since I go with my friends almost every weekend.

Using 'like going' is more natural when describing a habitual preference. 'Like to go' is not ungrammatical but 'like + -ing' better matches continuous or habitual activities.

× We go there and play badminton and we also start some fun games like tag or freeze tag.

✓ We go there and play badminton, and we also start some fun games like tag or freeze tag.

Grammar is mostly correct; comma added for clarity. 'Start' is acceptable but 'play' might be more natural: 'we also play games like tag or freeze tag.' The issue flagged as present participle because activities are habitual; use 'play' consistently for clarity.

× I would like to see more parks in my city since they would increase the amount of umm trees in our vicinity and it would also be a good place to relax and improve our mood.

✓ I would like to see more parks in my city since they would increase the number of trees in our vicinity, and they would also be good places to relax and improve our mood.

Use 'number' with countable noun 'trees' rather than 'amount.' Match plurality: 'parks' are plural so 'they would also be good places' (not 'it would also be a good place'). Also remove filler 'umm.' Modal 'would' is okay expressing hypothetical improvement.

× There are no parks I would like to go to in the future, but I've heard that the parks in America are really, really beautiful and their architecture is something to look forward to.

✓ There are no parks I would like to go to in the near future, but I've heard that parks in America are really beautiful and their landscaping and design are something to look forward to.

Original sentence is largely grammatical. I suggested 'in the near future' for clarity. 'The parks in America' can be generalized to 'parks in America.' 'Their architecture' is odd for parks; 'landscaping and design' fits better. No major 'there be' error, but improved wording for naturalness.