Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Make tense consistent and provide a clearer topic sentence plus one specific supporting detail. Use past tense (“liked”) and add a brief example to make it specific. Keep it concise (max 5 sentences).

例: Yes, I liked going to parks as a child because I enjoyed playing on the swings and meeting other children from my neighborhood. For example, I often spent Saturday afternoons organizing simple games with friends, which made the visits fun and social.

提案: Tighten the response to avoid repetition and improve fluency. Start with a clear topic sentence, then give one or two specific reasons using linking words (e.g., because, so). Remove repeated words like “still” and unclear phrases like “when I want.”

例: Yes, I still enjoy going to parks because I find them relaxing and I like watching children play. For instance, sitting on a bench and watching the playground helps me unwind after work and often reminds me of my own childhood.

提案: Answer the question directly (yes/no or neutral), then support with a specific reason. Avoid vague phrasing and small grammar errors (e.g., “a lot of parks” → “many parks”, “here in Baca City” mix). Use linking words like “because” or “however.”

例: I think more parks would be useful even though my city already has many, because parks help reduce crowding during the summer tourist season. For example, additional small neighborhood parks would give locals quieter places to relax away from the busy tourist areas.

提案: Clarify intent and correct grammar. Provide a clear topic sentence (Yes/No) and a specific plan or example of a park you want to visit. Remove unclear phrase “because I order it” and fix repetition. Use linking words to explain why.

例: Yes, I would like to visit parks in other regions because I have seen photos of coastal and mountain parks that look very different from those in my city. For example, I plan to visit a national park next year to try hiking and see the scenery that we don't have locally.

× I like going to the park as a child because I enjoy playing outside and meeting new people.

✓ I liked going to the park as a child because I enjoyed playing outside and meeting new people.

The question asks about past preference 'as a child', so the verbs should be in the past tense. Use 'liked' and 'enjoyed' to match the time frame and maintain consistency. Suggestion: shift present-tense verbs to past when referring to childhood memories.

× I still like going to the park since I still enjoy watching children's play in the playground and I feel so relaxed and feel like a child when I want when I'm in the park.

✓ I still like going to the park because I enjoy watching children play on the playground, and I feel relaxed and like a child again when I'm there.

Several issues: use 'because' rather than 'since' for clarity in spoken answers (both can be correct but 'because' is clearer); 'children's play' is awkward — use 'children play'; preposition 'on the playground' is correct; remove redundant 'still' and 'feel' repetition; 'when I want when I'm in the park' is ungrammatical — replace with 'when I'm there'. Also keep present tense since question is about current preference.

× Actually, there's a lot of parks in my city since it's one of the tourist spots here in Baca City and a lot of people really like going here in the summer.

✓ Actually, there are a lot of parks in my city because it's one of the tourist spots in Baca City and many people really like coming here in the summer.

Subject-verb agreement: 'there's' is singular but should be plural 'there are' to match 'a lot of parks'. Replace 'since' with 'because' for clarity; 'a lot of people' can be improved to 'many people'; use 'coming here' or 'visiting' instead of 'going here' when referring to visitors to the city.

× I like to try parks in other region because I order it.

✓ I'd like to try parks in other regions because I haven't visited them yet.

Multiple errors: tense and modality — use conditional 'I'd like' (would like) for future desire; 'other region' should be plural 'other regions' or 'another region'; 'I order it' is incorrect and likely a wrong verb choice — replace with 'I haven't visited them yet' to express intent. This fixes verb usage and number agreement.

× I think I already visited all the parks here in here in my city.

✓ I think I have already visited all the parks here in my city.

Redundant phrase 'here in here' should be 'here in my city'. Use present perfect 'have visited' to indicate experience up to now ('I think I have already visited...'). This corrects tense and removes repetition.