Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more accurate with grammar and word choice, provide a clear topic sentence, and add one or two specific supporting details connected with linking words. Avoid incorrect verbs and unclear phrases (e.g., “choked me to their”).

例: Yes, I enjoyed going to parks as a child. For example, I often played football and hide-and-seek with my friends there, and my parents took me on weekend picnics, which made those visits very memorable.

提案: Start with a concise topic sentence, use correct tense and prepositions, and organize supporting details with linking words like “because” and “so” to explain reasons. Keep sentences shorter and clearer.

例: Yes, I still like going to parks. Because I have a very busy schedule, I usually visit a park at the weekend to relax and refresh my mind so I feel ready for the next week.

提案: Avoid contradicting statements and be consistent. Give a clear direct answer (yes or no) and then explain with specific reasons or examples. Use linking words like “however” or “because” appropriately.

例: Yes, I would like to see more parks in my city because although there are many small parks, we need larger ones with better facilities for families and sports.

提案: Use correct tense and article usage, give a clear topic sentence, and add a specific reason why that park appeals to you. Use linking words (for example, “because” or “for instance”) to connect ideas.

例: Yes, I would like to visit the Rose Garden in the future because my friends and relatives have told me it has a wide variety of roses and beautiful walking paths, which I think would be very relaxing.

× Yes, when I was a child I liked going park.

✓ Yes, when I was a child I liked going to parks.

The noun 'park' should be plural or used with an article. Here 'going to parks' is natural for general activities in childhood. Add the preposition 'to' before the noun and use plural 'parks' to match general meaning.

× I use it for playing outdoor games with my friends.

✓ I used them for playing outdoor games with my friends.

The sentence refers to parks in the past, so use past tense 'used'. Also 'it' is incorrect when referring to multiple parks; use 'them'. 'For playing' is acceptable but 'to play' is more common; however keeping 'for playing' is okay. Change tense and pronoun to match context.

× My parents choked me to their for picnic on the weekend so I like to go and park.

✓ My parents took me there for picnics on the weekend, so I liked to go to the park.

Several pronoun and word choice errors: 'choked' is incorrect verb, should be 'took'. 'Me to their' is wrong; use 'me there'. 'Picnic' should be plural 'picnics' for repeated events. Use past tense 'liked' to match earlier past context. Use article 'the park' or plural depending on meaning; here 'the park' fits singular family outing.

× Yes tell I like to go in park now because I have a very busy schedule so at the end of the week weekend I was going to park for relaxation of my mind also refresh my mind and get ready my mind for the next week.

✓ Yes, now I like to go to the park because I have a very busy schedule, so at the end of the week I go to the park to relax and refresh my mind and get ready for the next week.

Multiple tense and preposition issues: use present simple 'I like' and 'I go' for habitual actions. Preposition 'to the park' is correct. Remove redundant words 'weekend' and 'of my mind'; use 'to relax and refresh my mind' and 'get ready for the next week'. Ensure consistent present tense for routines.

× I don't think so. I would like to see more parks in my city because there are also many small parks in my city.

✓ I would like to see more parks in my city because there are not many parks now; many of them are very small.

The original begins with 'I don't think so' which contradicts 'I would like to see more parks'. Remove contradiction and correct sentence structure. Clarify meaning: if the city lacks sufficient parks, say 'there are not many parks now' and note that existing ones are small.

× Yes, there was a park that I want to go to in my future.

✓ Yes, there is a park that I want to visit in the future.

Mixing past 'was' with present desire 'I want' is inconsistent. Use present 'is' for the park's existence now and 'want to visit in the future'. Also 'in my future' is unnatural; use 'in the future'.

× The park name is Rose Garden.

✓ The name of the park is Rose Garden.

Word order is awkward; 'The name of the park is Rose Garden' is the natural English phrasing.

× My friends and also my many relatives are told me about this park.

✓ My friends and many of my relatives have told me about this park.

Incorrect verb form and word order: use present perfect 'have told' to indicate past experience relevant now. 'My many relatives' is awkward; say 'many of my relatives'. Remove extraneous 'also' or place appropriately.

× There was a variety of roses so I love to see this park in my future.

✓ There is a variety of roses there, so I would love to see this park in the future.

Use present 'there is' to describe the park's features and conditional 'would love' to express desire about a future visit. 'In my future' is unnatural; use 'in the future'.