Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Focus on clear sentence structure and correct tense usage. Start with a direct topic sentence, then add one or two specific supporting details. Avoid repetition and filler words. Use past simple consistently when talking about childhood and include linking words (e.g., 'and', 'so', 'because') to make the answer coherent.

例: Yes, I loved going to parks as a child. I often went with my friends and we played on the swings and slides. We also raced each other across the grass, which was always very exciting. Because we spent so much time there, the park became our favorite place to meet and have fun.

提案: Use the present simple for current habits and form complete, grammatical sentences. Give one clear reason and one specific example. Remove repeated words and avoid continuous present errors (e.g., 'we are played'). Use linking words like 'because' and 'so' correctly.

例: Yes, I still enjoy going to parks. I go there regularly with my friends because we can relax and play games together. For example, last weekend we played frisbee and sat on the grass, which was very enjoyable.

提案: Answer directly and use modal verbs correctly (e.g., 'I would like' or 'I would visit'). Provide two specific reasons and a linking word to connect them. Avoid vague words like 'an in' and unnecessary fillers. Use precise vocabulary (e.g., 'exercise', 'picnics', 'relaxation').

例: Yes, I would like to see more parks in my city. More parks would provide extra space for exercise and places for families to have picnics. For example, new parks would encourage people to walk or cycle and spend time outdoors with friends.

提案: Be specific about which parks or types of parks you want to visit and why. Use future forms correctly ('I would like to visit' or 'I want to visit') and give one concrete example of an activity you would do there. Remove hesitations and repeated words to make the response fluent.

例: Yes, I would like to visit more parks in the future, especially larger city parks with lakes. I want to have picnics there with my family and try walking trails around the lake. For instance, I plan to visit Central Park-style areas where we can rent a boat and relax by the water.

× Yes, I love going to park.

✓ Yes, I loved going to the park.

The student omitted the definite article 'the' before 'park' and used present tense 'love' while describing childhood. Use 'the' for a specific place type and past tense 'loved' to match 'as a child'. Suggestion: say 'I loved going to the park.'

× When I was child I often went to with my friends and we played.

✓ When I was a child I often went to the park with my friends and we played.

Missing article 'a' before 'child' and missing object after 'went to' (should be 'the park'). Add 'a' for the noun 'child' and include the place. Suggestion: 'When I was a child I often went to the park with my friends.'

× We played game games on the swings and slides and sometimes we raced each other on the grass.

✓ We played games on the swings and slides and sometimes we raced each other on the grass.

Redundant and incorrect phrase 'game games'. Use plural 'games' to indicate multiple activities. Suggestion: 'We played games on the swings and slides.'

× This afternoon where where fun because we could run around the around.

✓ Those afternoons were fun because we could run around.

Multiple issues: 'This afternoon' is incorrect time reference for childhood; should be plural 'those afternoons' or 'the afternoons'. 'where where' is a misspelling of 'were', and 'the around' is extraneous. Also subject-verb agreement: 'afternoons were'. Suggestion: 'Those afternoons were fun because we could run around.'

× Yes, still I love to going to park because because whenever we meet our meet our friends we are laughter and we are kidding and we are going.

✓ Yes, I still love going to the park because whenever I meet my friends we laugh, joke, and have fun together.

Problems: word order 'still I' should be 'I still'; incorrect verb form 'to going' should be 'going'; missing definite article 'the' before 'park'; duplicated phrases 'meet our meet our'; awkward 'we are laughter' and 'we are kidding'—use simple verbs 'laugh' and 'joke'. Suggestion: 'I still love going to the park because whenever I meet my friends we laugh and joke.'

× We are played some games and we are very and we are do very fun too much.

✓ We play some games and have a lot of fun.

Incorrect progressive constructions 'we are played' and 'we are do'. Use simple present 'play' for habitual activities and 'have fun' to express enjoyment. 'Too much' is unnecessary. Suggestion: 'We play games and have a lot of fun.'

× That's why I love the park and we are relaxing about.

✓ That's why I love the park and we relax there.

Progressive 'we are relaxing about' is incorrect and 'about' is unnecessary. Use simple present 'relax' for habitual action and 'there' as location. Suggestion: '...and we relax there.'

× Yes, I would often visit different parks because our city has lots of green places and also an in.

✓ Yes, I would often visit different parks because our city has lots of green spaces and parks.

The phrase 'and also an in' is garbled. Use 'green spaces' and optionally 'parks'. 'Would often visit' is acceptable for habitual past/future preference but better 'I often visit' or 'I would like to visit'. Suggestion: 'I often visit different parks because our city has lots of green spaces.'

× More parks would give people more places for exercise and food and enforce spending time outdoors with friends and family.

✓ More parks would give people more places to exercise and relax and would encourage spending time outdoors with friends and family.

Incorrect word choice 'for exercise and food' and 'enforce' is wrong; use 'to exercise' infinitive and 'encourage' for promoting behavior. Suggestion: '...more places to exercise and relax and would encourage people to spend time outdoors.'

× Yes, I would like to go to park in my future because because we, we are, we have many green places, uh, places in other, in other areas.

✓ Yes, I would like to go to parks in the future because we have many green places in other areas.

Omit repeated words, add definite article 'the' in 'in the future' or use 'in future' variants: 'in the future' is standard. Use plural 'parks' and remove unnecessary hesitations. Suggestion: 'I would like to go to parks in the future because we have many green places in other areas.'

× That's why we, we, we are going to, we are going to parks and some, and we do some picnics and spend time with my family and friends.

✓ That's why we will go to parks and have picnics and spend time with my family and friends.

Remove repetitions and incorrect progressive forms. Use future 'will go' or 'can go' to express future plans. 'Do some picnics' is unnatural; use 'have picnics'. Ensure consistent subject pronoun 'we' and object 'my family and friends'—consider 'our family and friends' if speaking for group. Suggestion: 'We will go to parks, have picnics, and spend time with family and friends.'