Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and natural. Start with a clear topic sentence (Yes/No), then give one or two specific supporting details using linking words. Avoid filler sounds (uh, um) and repeated words. Use past tense consistently when talking about childhood and include a concrete example of an activity or memory to make the answer vivid.

例: Yes, I loved going to parks as a child. I spent many afternoons there with my family and friends, playing on the swings and exploring the small pond. Because of those visits, I have fond memories of carefree outdoor games and picnics.

提案: Give a direct answer then add a specific recent example with clear structure and correct vocabulary. Avoid vague phrases like "the telescope" if you mean binoculars or a viewing platform. Use linking words (for example, recently) and correct verb forms and prepositions (went to a park, we visited playgrounds, we drove along the river).

例: Yes, I still enjoy parks. For example, two weeks ago I took my students to a large park where we explored several playgrounds and used the viewing platform to look over the river, which they really enjoyed.

提案: Answer directly and give one or two clear reasons with linking words (because, therefore). Use accurate collocations (play an essential role, improve air quality, urban life can be stressful) and avoid unclear phrases like "it increases." Be specific about how parks help (reduce pollution, provide recreation).

例: Yes, I would like to see more parks because they play an essential role in improving air quality and reducing urban heat. In addition, parks give residents free spaces for exercise and relaxation, which can help reduce stress in busy cities.

提案: Be concise: give a clear topic sentence and two specific reasons why you want to visit. Use correct names and grammar (Central Park, its zoo, many films were shot there). Avoid awkward phrasing like "tracked the." Add linking words (for example, because, and) to connect ideas.

例: Yes, I would love to visit New York's Central Park in the future because of its famous zoo and beautiful landscapes. For example, many movies were filmed there, and I would enjoy walking the paths and seeing the locations I've seen on screen.

× To be honest, as a child, I, I'm very pleased with the time spent in that place, with my family, with my friends.

✓ To be honest, as a child I was very pleased with the time I spent in parks with my family and my friends.

The sentence refers to childhood (past), so present tense 'I'm' is incorrect. Use past tense 'was' and adjust phrase 'time spent in that place' to 'time I spent in parks' for clarity and natural word order. Also remove unnecessary commas.

× Uh, also I received a lot of positive emotions from the, uh, different playing, uh, playing spaces different.

✓ Also, I received a lot of positive emotions from the different play areas.

Unnecessary definite article and repeated words make the sentence awkward. 'Playing spaces' is better as 'play areas'. Remove extra 'the' and duplicate words and use past tense 'received' (which is already correct) with a clear noun phrase.

× Uh, two weeks before I went to park with my students, uh, we visited a lot of playing grounds, for example, uh, the telescope and also we drove alongside.

✓ Two weeks ago I went to the park with my students; we visited many playgrounds, for example a telescope exhibit, and we also drove along the park.

Time expression 'two weeks before' is incorrect for a past reference; use 'two weeks ago'. Use the article 'the park' or 'a park' as appropriate. 'Playing grounds' should be 'playgrounds', and 'the telescope' is unclear so 'a telescope exhibit' or similar is clearer. 'Drove alongside' needs an object: 'drove along the park' or 'drove alongside the park'.

× Yes, I think that parks are playing essential role in the increasing of good air quality and it's very good for our cities development.

✓ Yes, I think that parks play an essential role in increasing air quality, and they are very good for our cities' development.

'Are playing' is an incorrect progressive form here; use simple present 'play'. Use 'an essential role' with correct article. 'The increasing of good air quality' should be 'increasing air quality'. Use plural pronoun 'they' to refer to parks and possessive 'cities'' for development. Also simplify wording for naturalness.

× Urban life sometimes is very poor and it increases.

✓ Urban life is sometimes very poor, and this is becoming more common.

The original 'and it increases' is vague and ungrammatical. Use 'this is becoming more common' or 'this is increasing' to convey the idea. Keep present tense for general statements.

× Yes, in future I want to visit the New York Central Park with its zoo that is very popular place to visit and also the famous films movies were tracked the and I think this is a very good place to visit.

✓ Yes, in the future I want to visit New York's Central Park and its zoo, which are very popular, and see the places where famous films were shot; I think it is a great place to visit.

Use 'in the future' or 'in the future I want' for future plans. 'New York Central Park' should be 'New York's Central Park' or 'Central Park in New York'. 'Which are very popular' correctly modifies the park and zoo. 'Famous films were tracked the' is incorrect; use 'were shot' or 'were filmed'. Simplify repetition 'very good place' to 'great place'.