Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise, correct grammar errors and use clearer, specific details. Begin with a direct topic sentence, then add one or two specific supporting details. Avoid unclear phrases (e.g. “outgoing fans”) and check verb forms and tense consistency.

例: Yes, I loved going to parks as a child because they were a peaceful place for my family to spend time together. For example, we had weekly picnics where we played hide-and-seek and fed ducks, which created many happy memories.

提案: Fix grammar (infinitive forms, articles, verb tense) and reduce repetition. Use linking words to explain reasons and be specific about how parks help you relax. Keep to 2–4 sentences maximum.

例: Yes, I still enjoy going to the park after work because it helps me unwind. I usually go alone, sit on a bench and watch people walking by, which calms me after a busy day.

提案: Avoid small vocabulary errors and be more specific. Replace incorrect words (e.g. “brush” → “breathe”, “loans” → “lawns”) and give one clear example of benefits. Use a linking word to connect reason and example.

例: Yes, definitely. I would like more parks because they give people places to relax, exercise and breathe fresh air, which reduces stress. For example, Central Park has large lawns and walking paths that encourage outdoor activities.

提案: Correct minor repetition and article/preposition errors, and be specific about what attracts you. Start with a clear topic sentence then add one or two concrete details and a brief reason.

例: Yes, I want to visit Hyde Park in London because colleagues have recommended it and I have seen beautiful photos. I hope to walk along the Serpentine and relax under the trees when I visit.

× For example, we often have picnics, played games together and chatted with each other, which made those outgoing fans and memorable.

✓ For example, we often had picnics, played games together and chatted with each other, which made those outings fun and memorable.

Mixed tenses: 'often have' (present) conflicts with 'played' and 'chatted' (past). Use past tense 'had' to match 'when I was a child'. 'Outgoing fans' is incorrect word choice; likely meant 'outings' and 'fun'. Also 'and memorable' needs 'fun and memorable' for parallel structure.

× I prefer go to alone, sit on a bench and watch the people and pass by which helps me relax and invade after a long day working.

✓ I prefer to go alone, sit on a bench, and watch the people pass by, which helps me relax and unwind after a long day of work.

After 'prefer' use the to-infinitive 'to go' or the gerund 'going'; here 'to go' is appropriate. 'Watch the people and pass by' is ungrammatical; correct is 'watch the people pass by'. 'Invade' is incorrect word choice; context requires 'unwind'. Use 'after a long day of work' for natural expression.

× I prefer go to alone, sit on a bench and watch the people and pass by which helps me relax and invade after a long day working.

✓ I prefer to go alone, sit on a bench, and watch the people pass by, which helps me relax and unwind after a long day of working.

Alternatively, if using gerund form, 'after a long day working' is acceptable but clearer as 'after a long day of working'. Maintain consistent verb forms: 'watch the people pass by' (bare infinitive after perception verb) and parallel structure in the list.

× I would like to visit Hyde Park in London because I saw some beautiful photos of of it online and several colleagues colleagues recommended it.

✓ I would like to visit Hyde Park in London because I saw some beautiful photos of it online and several colleagues recommended it.

Repeated words 'of of' and 'colleagues colleagues' are typographical errors. The verbs and tense are fine: 'I saw' (past) explains reason for a future desire. Remove duplicates for clarity.

× It offers wide loans.

✓ It offers wide lawns.

'Loans' is a wrong word; context indicates 'lawns' (grassy areas in a park). This is a lexical error rather than grammar, but it functions as incorrect word choice. Also 'wide lawns' is natural.

× so I hope to go to there next time I visit.

✓ so I hope to go there next time I visit.

Use 'go there' not 'go to there'. The preposition 'to' is unnecessary when 'there' already indicates destination.

× I prefer go to alone, sit on a bench and watch the people and pass by which helps me relax and invade after a long day working.

✓ I prefer to go alone, sit on a bench, and watch people pass by, which helps me relax and unwind after a long day of work.

This sentence has several structure problems: missing 'to' after 'prefer', lack of commas for list, incorrect connector 'and' before 'pass by', and unclear phrase 'invade'. Reorder and choose correct verbs for clarity and parallelism.

× For example, Central Park in New York is a great model. It offers wide loans.

✓ For example, Central Park in New York is a great model. It offers wide lawns.

As above, 'loans' is incorrect; 'lawns' is plural noun appropriate for grassy areas. Ensure correct word form to match meaning.

× Yes, when I was a child, I really enjoyed going to the park with my family because it helped me relax and breathe fresh air.

✓ Yes, when I was a child, I really enjoyed going to the park with my family because it helped me relax and breathe in fresh air.

Add 'in' after 'breathe' to form the phrase 'breathe in fresh air'. This is a collocation issue often treated under article/preposition usage; adding 'in' makes the verb-object relationship correct.

× which made those outgoing fans and memorable.

✓ which made those outings fun and memorable.

'Outgoing fans' is incorrect adjective-noun pairing. 'Outings' (noun) fits context, modified by adjectives 'fun and memorable'. Use appropriate nouns and adjectives for intended meaning.

× which helps me relax and invade after a long day working.

✓ which helps me relax and unwind after a long day of working.

The verb 'helps' is correct for third person, but 'invade' is wrong verb choice. Replace with 'unwind'. Also clarify 'a long day of working' for natural phrasing.

× I prefer go to alone, sit on a bench and watch the people and pass by which helps me relax and invade after a long day working.

✓ I prefer to go alone, sit on a bench, and watch people pass by, which helps me relax and unwind after a long day at work.

Use 'at work' or 'of work' for natural expression. Also include 'to' after 'prefer' and correct the perception verb construction 'watch people pass by'.