Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more accurate with tense and sentence structure, avoid repetition, and add one clear supporting detail. Use linking words to connect ideas (e.g., "and", "so", "which"). Keep it to 2–3 sentences.

例: Yes, I enjoyed going to parks when I was a child because I could make friends and play on the playground. As a result, I felt less stressed about school and more relaxed.

提案: Correct tense and phrasing, remove redundant phrases, and be specific about alternatives. Use a linking phrase to explain reasons (e.g., "because", "so"). Limit to 2–3 sentences.

例: Not really; I rarely go to parks now because I am busy with work and prefer exercising at the gym. I also usually meet friends indoors, which is more convenient for my schedule.

提案: Use clearer grammar and accurate word choice. Start with a direct topic sentence, then give specific benefits using linking words (e.g., "because", "so"). Avoid vague phrases like "global building".

例: Yes, I would like more parks because they give residents places to relax and exercise. For example, parks are especially useful for elderly people who need safe areas for walking and light exercise.

提案: Clarify the park name and correct grammar (subject-verb agreement). Be specific about activities you would do and use linking words to connect ideas. Keep responses concise and coherent.

例: Yes, I would like to visit the Labour Park because it helps me relax and enjoy nature. I would like to walk along the trails and maybe join community events there to meet local people.

× Yes, I liked going to the park when I was child.

✓ Yes, I liked going to the park when I was a child.

Missing article 'a' before the singular noun 'child'. English requires an article or determiner with singular countable nouns. Use 'a child' here.

× I can make more friends and I can release my feeling and emotional on the playground and I can relax about study.

✓ I could make more friends, release my feelings and emotions on the playground, and relax about my studies.

Multiple issues: wrong modal tense (use 'could' for past ability), 'feeling' and 'emotional' are incorrect forms—use plural nouns 'feelings' and 'emotions', and 'about study' should be 'about my studies'. Also combine parallel verbs without repeating 'I can'. Ensure plural forms for countable nouns and correct possessive 'my'.

× No, I don't really like going to parks anymore. I found it a bit of a waste my time now because I'm busy with work and I prefer to spend my free time exercising at the gym and meeting friends in the doors.

✓ No, I don't really like going to parks anymore. I find it a bit of a waste of my time now because I'm busy with work, and I prefer to spend my free time exercising at the gym and meeting friends indoors.

Tense mismatch: use present 'find' to match 'don't like' and 'now'. Missing preposition 'of' in 'waste of my time'. 'In the doors' is incorrect; use 'indoors' for inside places. Also add comma for clarity.

× Yes, the government global building a lot of parts for the citizen.

✓ Yes, the government is globally building a lot of parks for the citizens.

Several errors: 'global' used incorrectly—use adverb 'globally' if intended. 'Building' needs auxiliary 'is' for present continuous. 'Parts' should be 'parks' likely, and 'citizen' should be plural 'citizens' with article adjustments. Ensure correct word choice and subject-verb structure.

× The citizen can relax to the life and the elderly can go to doing exercise.

✓ The citizens can relax and enjoy life, and the elderly can go to do exercise.

'Relax to the life' is incorrect—use 'relax and enjoy life' or 'relax in life'. 'Go to doing exercise' is ungrammatical; use 'go to do exercise' or better 'do exercise'. Also pluralize 'citizens' to match general meaning.

× Yes, I would like to visit labor public park because it help me relax and enjoy nature.

✓ Yes, I would like to visit Labor Public Park because it helps me relax and enjoy nature.

Proper noun capitalization for park name and possible word order 'Labor Public Park'. Subject-verb agreement: 'it help' should be 'it helps'. Also include article if needed, but proper name may not need 'the'.

× I also like going there to societies and make old people and doing.

✓ I also like going there to socialize and meet elderly people.

Original sentence is ungrammatical and unclear. 'To societies' is wrong; use 'to socialize'. 'Make old people and doing' is meaningless—intended 'meet elderly people' and perhaps 'socialize with them'. Use correct verbs and word order.