Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be careful with grammar (verb forms, plural nouns) and avoid repetition. Start with a clear topic sentence, then add one or two specific supporting details linked with a connector. Keep answers concise (max 5 sentences).

例: Yes. I loved going to parks with my family as a child because they were peaceful and helped me relax. For example, we often had picnics near a pond and I remember feeding ducks while my parents chatted. These outings were a nice break from home routines.

提案: Improve sentence structure and use correct articles and verb forms. Use linking words (for example, because) to make reasons clear and avoid trailing off. Provide one concrete detail to support your point.

例: Yes, I still enjoy going to the park after work because it helps me unwind. For example, I often sit on a bench and watch people walking or exercising, which calms my mind and helps me sleep better.

提案: Avoid awkward phrasing and repetition. Use correct tense and more precise vocabulary (e.g., 'provide public space' not 'provided more spaces'). Give a relevant comparison or brief reason to strengthen your answer.

例: Yes, definitely. I think more parks would provide valuable public space where people can relax and exercise. For example, a park similar to Central Park in New York would offer green areas and paths for walking, which would improve residents' wellbeing.

提案: Reduce hesitation and filler words (uh, I). Use clear, accurate names and spellings. Start with a direct sentence stating the park, then add one or two specific reasons or sources (e.g., photos, colleagues' recommendations).

例: Yes, I would like to visit Hyde Park in London in the future. I have seen beautiful photos online and colleagues who have been there praised its large lawns and lakes, which makes me want to see it in person.

× Yeah, when I was a child I really enjoyed go to the park with my family so I can reduce my stress and chat with my families and enjoy the fresh air in the park.

✓ Yeah, when I was a child I really enjoyed going to the park with my family so I could reduce my stress, chat with my family, and enjoy the fresh air in the park.

The verb 'enjoy' should be followed by a gerund (verb + -ing), not the base form 'go'. Also adjust tense consistency: 'can' should be past 'could' because the sentence refers to childhood. 'Families' is incorrect when referring to the member group; use the singular collective 'family'. Use commas to separate actions for clarity.

× Yes, I still like going to park now after my working day I prefer go to the park alone and sit on the bench and watch the peoples around the park and reduce my stress and.

✓ Yes, I still like going to the park now. After my working day I prefer going to the park alone, sitting on the bench, watching the people around the park, and reducing my stress.

After verbs such as 'prefer' and 'like', use gerunds ('going', 'sitting', 'watching', 'reducing') when listing habitual actions. Also use the article 'the' before 'park' when referring to a specific place. 'Peoples' is incorrect; use 'people'. Break into two sentences for clarity and complete the final idea.

× Yes, I still like going to park now after my working day I prefer go to the park alone and sit on the bench and watch the peoples around the park and reduce my stress and.

✓ Yes, I still like going to the park now. After my working day I prefer going to the park alone, sitting on the bench, watching the people around the park, and reducing my stress.

When referring to a specific park experience, use the definite article 'the park'. The original omitted 'the' before the first 'park'. The sentence also had other issues fixed (gerunds, 'people', sentence split).

× Yeah, definitely. I would like to see more parks in my city, which provided more spaces, public spaces for people to reduce their stress, enjoy themselves and enjoy the fresh air.

✓ Yeah, definitely. I would like to see more parks in my city, which would provide more public spaces for people to reduce their stress, enjoy themselves, and breathe fresh air.

Use 'would provide' to match the conditional/wish meaning. 'Provided more spaces, public spaces' is redundant; combine as 'provide more public spaces'. 'Enjoy the fresh air' is fine but 'breathe fresh air' is more natural here. Adjusted verb form to fit the hypothetical context.

× For example, the Central Park in in New York.

✓ For example, Central Park in New York.

When naming a famous park, omit the article 'the' before 'Central Park'. Also remove the duplicated 'in'. The correct form is 'Central Park in New York'.

× Uh, yeah, I want to go to the, uh, Heidi park in London.

✓ Uh, yeah, I want to go to Heidi Park in London.

Proper names of parks typically do not need an article before the full name ('Heidi Park'). Remove the extra commas. Capitalize the name as a proper noun.

× So it's uh, I, I thought picture, uh, on the Internet.

✓ I saw a picture of it on the Internet.

The original is ungrammatical and wordy. Use a clear past-tense verb 'saw' and the phrase 'a picture of it' to convey the idea. This fits the past reference to viewing an image online.

× Uh, also I, I listened to my colleagues, uh, talking about the head park in the London.

✓ Uh, also I listened to my colleagues talking about Hyde Park in London.

Use the correct park name 'Hyde Park'. Do not use 'the' before 'London'. Remove repeated fillers and unnecessary commas. The phrase 'talking about Hyde Park in London' is the natural form.

× It's quite a beautiful places so.

✓ It's quite a beautiful place.

'Places' (plural) conflicts with 'a', which requires a singular noun 'place'. Remove the trailing 'so' or complete the sentence; here we simplify to 'It's quite a beautiful place.'