Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be clear and concise. Start with a direct topic sentence (Yes/No + brief reason), avoid hesitations and repetitions, and add one or two specific details about memories. Use connecting words (for example, because, so) to make it coherent. Keep it within 3–4 sentences.

例: Yes, I loved going to parks as a child because they had big playgrounds and lots of space to run. For example, I used to spend hours on the swings and sliding down the big slide with my friends. Those afternoons made me feel free and happy, so I looked forward to park visits every week.

提案: Answer directly and give clear reasons with specific activities. Avoid fillers and incomplete phrases. Use linking words (however, because, so) and state what you do there (e.g., jogging, yoga) and how often.

例: Yes, I still like going to parks, although I am often busy during the week. I usually go twice a week to jog and do stretching exercises because it helps me relax and stay healthy. As a result, I feel more energetic and less stressed.

提案: Give a clear opinion and support it with specific benefits and one example. Use better vocabulary (trees, green spaces, air quality) and linking words (because, therefore, for example) to make it coherent.

例: Yes, I would like to see more parks in my city because green spaces help reduce pollution and improve air quality. For example, additional parks would give families places to picnic and children safe areas to play, therefore improving residents’ physical and mental well-being.

提案: Name a specific park and explain why you want to visit it with concrete activities. Avoid vague words and hesitations; use linking words (especially, because, for example) and keep it to 2–3 clear sentences.

例: Yes, I would love to visit Central Park in the future because it is very large and full of trees. I want to go there to have a picnic, take photographs of the scenery, and play sports with my friends because it seems like a relaxing place to spend a weekend.

× You asked absolutely in, uh, when I was try, uh, going to their, uh, going to the park is, is a big dream because there is, there are very, very, uh, playground like uh, so I.

✓ When I was a child, going to the park was a big dream because there were many playgrounds.

The original sentence has severe sentence structure problems and unclear phrasing. Use a clear subject and verb: 'When I was a child' sets the time. 'Going to the park was a big dream' uses past tense to match 'was a child.' 'There were many playgrounds' corrects 'there is/there are' inconsistency and plural noun use. Remove filler words (uh) and irrelevant phrases. (Grammar problem type ID:26)

× Yes, maybe because I am so busy, but I spend a little time to go to the park to practice my and exercise and do exciting to improve my health and and.

✓ Yes, I am busy, but I spend a little time going to the park to exercise and improve my health.

The sentence mixes awkward infinitive use and repetitions. Use present simple 'I am busy' and 'I spend a little time going' with the gerund after 'spend time.' Use 'to exercise' or 'going to exercise'—here gerund 'going' plus infinitive 'to exercise' is simplified to 'going to the park to exercise.' Remove redundant words. This fits the present habitual action. (Grammar problem type ID:6)

× Yes, because park is very, uh, have a lot of trees. So, uh, this make uh, the pollution, uh, the air, uh, become more fresh and people can go into this through a picnic.

✓ Yes, because the parks have a lot of trees. This reduces air pollution and makes the air fresher, and people can go there for a picnic.

Use definite article 'the parks' or plural 'parks' rather than 'park is.' Correct verb agreement: 'parks have' for plural. 'This reduces air pollution' uses a clear subject and correct verb. Use comparative adjective 'fresher' not 'more fresh.' Use preposition 'go there for a picnic' rather than 'go into this through a picnic.' Fixes article and adjective errors and improves word choice. (Grammar problem type ID:22)

× Yeah, I love very, a lot of park, uh, especially it's convent home yet because it's very large and very fresh, people could do this to picnic, to, uh, take a picture, to, uh, play with, uh, yeah, their friend is very nice.

✓ Yes, I really like many parks, especially the nearby one at my convenience, because it is large and has fresh air. People can have picnics, take pictures, and play with their friends there.

Original uses incorrect adverb placement and awkward phrases like 'I love very, a lot of park' and 'convent home yet.' Replace with 'I really like many parks' and 'the nearby one' or 'the park near my home' for clarity. Use 'has fresh air' rather than 'very fresh.' Use 'people can have picnics' and parallel verb forms 'have picnics, take pictures, and play' for correct coordination and clarity. Fixes adjective/adverb misuse and sentence structure. (Grammar problem type ID:13)