Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Відредагуйте відповіді, щоб вони були граматично коректніші, менш повторювалися і коротші. Почніть з чіткої теми, потім додайте 1–2 конкретні деталі. Наприклад, виправте часи (used to / spent) і уникайте зайвих повторів слів як "really" або "so much". Також вказуйте конкретні активності (наприклад, кататися на гойдалках, грати в м’яч).

例: Yes, I loved going to parks as a child. My sibling and I used to spend hours there playing on the swings and kicking a ball, which helped us stay active and close.

提案: Уникайте невизначених фраз і тавтології (наприклад, "probably", "really"). Уточніть, що саме ви робите в парку, і повʼяжіть це з результатом (спокій, фізична активність). Використовуйте зв’язки: "because", "for example" для логіки. Також замініть невдале "auto activities" на конкретні види діяльності (прогулянки, біг).

例: Yes, I still enjoy going to parks because walking or jogging there helps me relax after a stressful day. For example, a 30-minute walk among the trees usually lifts my mood.

提案: Зробіть відповідь прямішою і логічнішою: почніть з короткої відповіді (Yes/No), потім дайте конкретну причину. Уникайте тавтології і плутаних формулювань (наприклад, "the number of the amount of parks"). Якщо місто вже має багато парків, скажіть це чітко і додайте приклад наслідків (наприклад, холодний клімат або переповненість).

例: No, I wouldn't necessarily want more parks because my hometown already has many trees and green areas, which makes it quite cold and crowded in some places.

提案: Очікувана структура: коротка відповідь та конкретна причина або деталь. Уникайте заповнювачів («uh», «probably») і надмірного емоційного мовлення. Додайте конкретні приклади того, що ви хочете побачити (сади, сакура, ландшафтний дизайн) і коли або як ви плануєте це зробити.

例: I would love to visit parks in Japan, especially traditional gardens with cherry blossoms and koi ponds. Seeing the sakura in spring and the carefully arranged landscapes would be unforgettable.

× I did really like going to the parks when I was a child.

✓ I really liked going to parks when I was a child.

The student used 'did really like' which is a redundant past tense auxiliary with the main verb. In simple past positive statements, use the past form of the verb without 'did'. Also 'the parks' is unnecessary; use general plural 'parks'. Suggestion: use simple past 'liked' and omit unnecessary 'the' for general places.

× My sibling and I were really close and that is why we really spend so much time outside doing outdoor activities with her.

✓ My sibling and I were really close, and that is why we spent so much time outside doing outdoor activities together.

The clause begins in past ('were') so the following verb should also be in past ('spent') to maintain tense consistency. 'Spend' is present; change to 'spent'. Also 'with her' is odd; use 'together' to show mutual action. Suggestion: keep tense consistent and use 'together' for reciprocal activities.

× going to parks and doing some auto activities really help me to relax after a stressful day, for instance.

✓ Going to parks and doing outdoor activities really helps me relax after a stressful day, for instance.

Subject 'Going to parks and doing outdoor activities' is a compound singular idea, so the verb should be singular 'helps'. 'Auto activities' is unclear; likely meant 'outdoor activities'. Also omit 'to' after 'help' in this structure and capitalize the sentence. Suggestion: use 'helps me relax' and correct vocabulary to 'outdoor activities'.

× Moreover, I would probably say that I really like going outside when I have bad mood.

✓ Moreover, I would probably say that I really like going outside when I am in a bad mood.

English requires the expression 'in a bad mood' with the verb 'to be' in present simple ('am') for general truths. The original lacks the article 'a' and the verb 'am'. Suggestion: use 'when I am in a bad mood'.

× Umm honestly I would say probably no because my hometown is really cold like Green City because of the number of the amount of parks and trees that are located there and that is why I would probably say no.

✓ Honestly, I would probably say no because my hometown, Green City, is very cold despite the large number of parks and trees there.

The original is wordy and repetitive ('because' and 'that is why', 'number of the amount of'). It also misuses 'like' and awkward phrasing. Suggest simplifying: use 'despite the large number of parks and trees' and avoid repeating refusal.

× The first thing that came into my mind is probably, uh, parks in Japan.

✓ The first thing that came to my mind is probably parks in Japan.

'Came into my mind' is acceptable but less natural than 'came to my mind'. Keep present 'is' since you're stating a current thought about the future. Suggest using 'came to my mind'.

× Yeah, I really wanted to go there and to see these beautiful views.

✓ Yeah, I really want to go there and see the beautiful views.

The student uses past 'wanted' while referring to a present desire; use present 'want'. Also omit the infinitive 'to' before the second verb in parallel structure: 'want to go... and see...'. Suggest: 'I really want to go there and see the beautiful views.'

× I'll be over the moon when I see this view.

✓ I'll be over the moon when I see those views.

If referring to views in Japan mentioned previously, plural 'views' or 'the view' works better; 'this' is odd when speaking of a future experience. Also keep future 'I'll be' and 'when I see' — grammatically fine. Suggest: use 'those views' or 'the view' to match context.