Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be concise and directly answer the question with a clear topic sentence. Avoid repetition and incorrect word choices (e.g., ‘perks’ → ‘parks’). Add one brief supporting detail or reason and use a linking word to connect ideas.

例: To be honest, I didn’t enjoy going to parks as a child. For example, I preferred staying home to read books, so I rarely visited local parks. However, now I realize they can be pleasant places to relax.

提案: Start with a clear topic sentence and keep sentences short. Correct vocabulary errors (e.g., ‘breathe fresh air’, not ‘bread this fresh air’). Use one or two specific details and a linking word to structure the answer. Minimise hesitations and fillers.

例: Yes, I do enjoy going to parks now. I often go to breathe fresh air and watch birds, and I find walking among the trees helps me relax after studying.

提案: Give a direct response then support with a clear reason. Avoid repeating phrases and use precise vocabulary (e.g., ‘a large number of parks’ or ‘many parks’). Use a linking word like ‘but’ or ‘however’ correctly to contrast ideas when needed.

例: Yes, I would, although my city already has many parks. However, adding more small neighbourhood parks would make it easier for people to access green space near their homes.

提案: Answer directly and name one or two specific parks you want to visit. Use correct names and simple descriptions, and connect ideas with linking words like ‘for example’ or ‘such as’. Avoid unclear phrases like ‘Great Canyon’ (use Grand Canyon) and ‘shooting of the film’ (use ‘filmed’).

例: Yes, there are. For example, I would like to visit the Zhangjiajie National Forest Park in China, which inspired the film Avatar, and also the Grand Canyon in the United States because I want to see its dramatic rock formations.

× To be honest, as a child I didn't really want to go to parks, despite the fact that in our channel there are lots of perks, really, really beautiful perks that are world that are awarded in the world.

✓ To be honest, as a child I didn't really want to go to parks, despite the fact that in our area there are lots of parks, really beautiful parks that are known around the world.

This sentence contains multiple problems: incorrect word choice ('channel' and 'perks' instead of 'area' and 'parks') and awkward repetition and phrasing ('that are world that are awarded in the world'). These are sentence structure and lexical errors. Suggestion: use the correct nouns and simplify the clause to 'parks that are known around the world' to convey the intended meaning clearly.

× I think, yeah, I do after the ages now I am 20 years old and I really like to go to parks, to breathe, to bread this fresh air, to, uh, enjoy this moment when I go, uh, when, when I walk in park or look at different trees here, the flock of birds and so on.

✓ I think so, yes; now I am 20 years old and I really like to go to parks to breathe this fresh air and enjoy the moment when I walk in a park or look at the different trees, the flocks of birds, and so on.

Errors include awkward phrase 'after the ages', incorrect verb 'bread' instead of 'breathe', missing articles ('in park' -> 'in a park'), and plural agreement ('flock of birds' -> 'flocks of birds' if referring generally). These are present-tense and article/word-choice issues. Suggestion: remove filler words, use 'breathe', add articles where needed, and use plural/singular consistently.

× I can tell you yes, but my city has a a big amount of parks as I said before and the as I said big amount of parks like leads to the great atmosphere at all in the town.

✓ I can tell you yes, but my city has a large number of parks, as I said before, and this creates a great atmosphere in the town.

Problems: 'a a' duplicate article, 'big amount of parks' is unnatural (use 'a large number of parks'), redundant phrases and incorrect connector 'like leads to'. These are article and sentence structure errors. Suggestion: use 'a large number of' or 'many' and a clear connector such as 'this creates'.

× I think yes, I keep in mind a lot of beautiful parks that are existing in the world, especially in China where there was shooting of the world famous film Avatar, and parks maybe in the United States, Great Canyon and so on.

✓ I think so; I keep in mind many beautiful parks around the world, especially in China where the world-famous film Avatar was shot, and parks in the United States, such as the Grand Canyon area, and so on.

Errors: 'keep in mind a lot of' is awkward (use 'I can think of many' or 'I keep in mind many'), 'that are existing' is incorrect (use 'around the world' or 'that exist'), 'there was shooting of' should be 'was shot', and 'Great Canyon' should be 'Grand Canyon'. These are present-tense, passive voice wording, and word-choice errors. Suggestion: use natural collocations ('was shot', 'around the world', 'Grand Canyon').