Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and correct minor grammatical errors. Start with a clear topic sentence, then add one or two specific details. Avoid repetition (‘park’ and ‘green spaces’ used redundantly) and fix verb forms (e.g., “to for me to play” → “for me to play”).

例: Yes, I loved going to parks as a child. My parents often took me to the nearby park after school so I could play games with other children and unwind; those visits were a special treat that made ordinary school days feel rewarding.

提案: Fix grammar and finish your thought. Give a clear topic sentence, then one supporting reason and an example. Use linking words (however, although) to show contrast. Avoid trailing off at the end.

例: My taste has changed since childhood; although I no longer visit parks as often, I still find them relaxing. For example, I might go for a short walk there to clear my head after a busy week, but I prefer cafes or gyms for socialising.

提案: Good clear response. Improve by tightening language and adding a specific benefit or example to support your opinion. Use a linking phrase to strengthen coherence.

例: Yes, I would like more parks because my city is dominated by skyscrapers and lacks greenery; adding parks would provide meeting places for families and improve air quality, for instance by creating a small community garden in each district.

提案: Remove hesitations and repetition, and finish the sentence. Begin with a direct topic sentence, then describe specific features you want and why. Use linking words (for example, such as) to add clarity.

例: I don't have a specific park in mind, but I would love to visit a park with many trees and colourful flowerbeds so I could relax; for example, a botanical garden with shaded benches and quiet walking paths would be ideal.

× Back when I was a kid, going to a park was a treat for having a good day at school.

✓ Back when I was a kid, going to the park was a treat after having a good day at school.

Use of the definite article 'the' is required when referring to a specific routine place ('the park') and 'after having' is clearer than 'for having' in this context. Suggestion: Use 'the park' for a habitual or specific place and 'after' to indicate sequence.

× My parents would take me to green spaces and park to for me to play with other kids and to reward myself with a relaxing and fun time after a long day at school.

✓ My parents would take me to green spaces and parks for me to play with other kids and to reward myself with a relaxing, fun time after a long day at school.

Preposition and noun number: 'park to for me' is incorrect order and 'park' should be plural 'parks' to match 'green spaces' or keep parallel structure. Use 'for me to play' (not 'to for me') and comma between adjectives. Suggestion: Keep parallel nouns (green spaces and parks) and use 'for' before the infinitive clause 'for me to play'.

× My preference is have definitely changed a lot since I was a kid.

✓ My preferences have definitely changed a lot since I was a kid.

Subject-verb agreement and word order: 'My preference is have' is ungrammatical. Use plural 'preferences' with 'have changed', or 'My preference has changed'. Suggestion: Choose correct singular/plural and verb form: 'My preferences have changed' or 'My preference has definitely changed'.

× Overall it's not my favorite place but I.

✓ Overall, it's not my favorite place, but I still go sometimes.

Original sentence ends abruptly and lacks a verb or completion. Provide a complete clause after 'but I'. Suggestion: Complete the contrast clause with an action or state, e.g. 'but I still go sometimes'.

× My city is currently very developed with skyscrapers and buildings all over the spaces.

✓ My city is currently very developed, with skyscrapers and buildings all over the space.

Awkward phrase 'all over the spaces' is incorrect; use 'all over the place' or 'throughout the city' or singular 'space'. Also add comma after introductory clause. Suggestion: Use natural collocations: 'all over the place' or 'throughout the city'.

× Personally, I would love to add more green spaces and public areas for people to meet up and have fun with each other.

✓ Personally, I would love to add more green spaces and public areas for people to meet up and have fun together.

Phrase 'have fun with each other' is wordy; 'have fun together' is more natural. Preposition 'with' not wrong but phrasing improved. Suggestion: Use concise collocations: 'have fun together'.

× For me, I don't have a particular spot in mind, but if I if I had a chance I would enjoy a park where it's filled with trees and flowers so people could chill and unwind.

✓ For me, I don't have a particular spot in mind, but if I had the chance I would enjoy a park that is filled with trees and flowers so people could chill and unwind.

Article and phrasing: 'if I if I had a chance' repeats and should be 'if I had the chance'. Use 'the chance' rather than 'a chance' for a hypothetical opportunity here. Use 'that is filled' instead of 'where it's filled' for clarity. Suggestion: Remove duplication, choose 'the chance' and use a relative clause 'that is filled' or 'filled with'.

× There.

✓ There, I would relax and enjoy the scenery.

Single word 'There.' is incomplete and does not answer the question. Provide a full sentence describing intention. Suggestion: Expand responses to complete sentences with subject and verb.