Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: 句子要更自然，注意时态和单数/复数一致，避免重复信息，并使用连接词使表达流畅。例如将“in my childhood”只用一次，把“park”前加冠词，时态统一为过去式。

例: Yes, I loved going to the park near my home when I was a child. There was a beautiful fountain that sparkled in the sun, and I often played there with my friends. Those outings felt carefree and are some of my happiest memories.

提案: 注意用词搭配和语法（例如“wind myself”不合适），讲句子尽量简洁并用连接词组织支持细节，可添加频率或情境的具体信息。

例: Yes, I still enjoy going to parks, although I don't visit them often. When I feel burnt out from studying, I like to walk along the winding paths to relax and clear my mind. I also enjoy watching children play because it reminds me of my own childhood.

提案: 避免断句不连贯（例如“In my opinion.”独立成句显得生硬），使用连接词展开原因，并给出具体好处或举例使内容更具体。

例: Absolutely. My hometown is in the north and lacks green public spaces, so I think more parks should be built. This would allow residents to get closer to nature, exercise outdoors, and have pleasant places to relax or socialize.

提案: 回答可更具体地说明原因並用更自然的短语（例如“Disneyland in Shanghai”），同时限制句子长度并用连接词解释动机或期望。

例: Yes, I'd love to visit some famous parks in other cities, such as Disneyland in Shanghai. As a child I watched cartoons and always dreamed of meeting the characters, so visiting would be a chance to relive that magic.

× I was crazy about park near my home in my childhood.

✓ I was crazy about the park near my home in my childhood.

原句缺少定冠词“the”。在英语中，当谈论特定的、说话者和听话者都知道的事物（如“我家附近的那个公园”）时，需要使用定冠词“the”。建议在“park”前加“the”。

× I often play with my friends nearby and I think it is a carefree time for me.

✓ I often played with my friends nearby and I think it was a carefree time for me.

此句前文在叙述过去的童年经历，用现在时“play”和“is”与上下文时态不一致。应将动词改为过去式“played”“was”以保持时态一致。

× when I get burnt out from study I will choose to walk along the winding paths to and wind myself.

✓ when I get burnt out from studying I will choose to walk along the winding paths to unwind myself.

1）“study”在此作抽象行为，受“from”支配时应使用动名词“studying”。2）短语“to and wind myself”词序和单词错误，应为“不带‘and’的不定式或直接动词’unwind’”，因此改为“unwind myself”。

× I often play with my friends nearby and I think it is a carefree time for me.

✓ I often played with my friends nearby and I think it was a carefree time for me.

（同上）“nearby”作副词位置可以，但若想更地道可用“near my home”或“in the neighbourhood”。此处主要问题是时态，应改为过去时。建议在类似情境用“near my home”更清晰。

× Yes I do. I still adore parks, although I don't go frequently and when I get burnt out from study I will choose to walk along the winding paths to and wind myself.

✓ Yes, I do. I still adore parks, although I don't go frequently. When I get burnt out from studying, I choose to walk along the winding paths to unwind myself.

原句连词和句子结构混乱：1）需要在“Yes, I do.”后加逗号分隔。2）“although”引导的让步状语从句与后面部分并列时应避免过长的并列，建议分为两句以提高可读性。3）时态和动词形式参见上文改正。建议将长句拆分并校正动词形式和短语顺序。

× Absolutely. In my opinion. My hometown is a northern city and green public space is not enough, so I think more parks should be built to let residents get close to nature and relax outdoors.

✓ Absolutely. In my opinion, my hometown is a northern city and green public space is not enough, so I think more parks should be built to let residents get close to nature and relax outdoors.

原句中“Absolutely. In my opinion. My hometown...”使用了断句错误，导致片段句“In my opinion.”不完整。应将“In my opinion”与主句连接，或用逗号，保持句子完整。建议将其与后半句合并并用逗号。

× ...Disneyland park in Shanghai...

✓ ...the Disneyland park in Shanghai...

通常在提及特定的主题公园时可使用定冠词“the”。“Disneyland park”也可直接说“Shanghai Disneyland”。建议改为“Shanghai Disneyland”或“the Disneyland park in Shanghai”。