Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: 内容较丰富但表达不够准确与连贯。请注意用词准确（如将“survival”改为“sunrays/smell”或其它合适名词），避免冗余句，控制在最多五句内，并用连接词使句子更流畅。例如可以先一句概括，再提供一两个具体细节（时间、活动、感受）。

例: Yes, I loved going to parks as a child because I played there almost every day. I especially enjoyed chasing butterflies and examining curious insects with my friends. Those afternoons by the pond were carefree and full of laughter, which I still remember fondly.

提案: 回答意思明确但有重复和小错误（如重复“on a bench”、拼写“breath”应为“breathe”）。建议一句主题句+两到三个具体理由并用连接词如“because”或“so”。注意句子简洁且避免重复。

例: Yes, I still enjoy going to parks because they help me unwind and breathe fresh air after a long day. I often sit on a bench and watch children playing, which cheers me up. This quiet time usually helps me recharge before I go home.

提案: 表达存在多处词汇和语法错误（如“in a personal opinion”，“parts”应为“parks”，句子未完成）。建议先给出主题句，然后提供两条具体原因并用连接词（for example, especially）。确保句子完整并避免片段结尾。

例: Yes, I would like to see more parks in my city because they offer places for relaxation and exercise. For example, elderly people can do morning tai chi, and children can explore nature and play safely outdoors.

提案: 回答中有多处不完整或不准确的短语（如“torch trees”、“It should and also it should”，片段“Nor so”无意义）。建议一句概述想去的公园类型，随后用2-3个清晰具体的细节描述设施或活动，使用连接词并保证句子完整。

例: Yes, I would like to visit a large park with wide walking paths and shady trees where I can walk comfortably. I would also like it to have colorful flowerbeds and plenty of benches to sit on, and perhaps occasional outdoor concerts to enjoy in the evenings.

× I loved the survival and flowers and curious insects because they always frustrated me.

✓ I loved the sunshine, flowers, and curious insects because they always fascinated me.

原句存在词汇错误（survival 应为 sunshine 或其他名词）和逻辑不通。此处想表达“我喜欢阳光、花和好奇的小虫子，因为它们总是让我着迷”。同时 familiar 动词应为 fascinate（使着迷），不是 frustrate（使沮丧）。建议多注意词汇搭配并复查要表达的意思。

× the parks can help me unwind after a busy day and breath the fresh air.

✓ the parks can help me unwind after a busy day and breathe the fresh air.

原句中 breath 是名词或动词原形，句中需要不定式或动词原形作并列谓语时应使用动词原形 breathe。建议记住 breathe（呼吸，动词）与 breath（名词）区分。

× I often sit on a bench on the bench and watch children play, which makes me feel cheerful and relaxed and also it can help me recharge before going home in the evening.

✓ I often sit on a bench and watch children play, which makes me feel cheerful and relaxed; it also helps me recharge before going home in the evening.

原句存在重复（on a bench on the bench）、从句衔接不当和冗长。用 which 引导的非限制性定语从句后应避免再用 and 引出独立事项，改为分号或句子并用 it + 动词 带出结果更清晰。建议删除重复短语并简化句子结构。

× Yes, in a personal opinion, building more parts can give people more opportunities to relax and do exercises.

✓ Yes, in my personal opinion, building more parks can give people more opportunities to relax and exercise.

原句中 a personal opinion 用法不自然，通常说 in my personal opinion；另外 parts 为拼写/用词错误，应为 parks；do exercises 也可简化为 exercise。建议注意固定搭配和常见词拼写。

× Also, the children can explore nature more often, for example, playing in a.

✓ Also, children can explore nature more often, for example, by playing in parks.

原句结尾不完整（playing in a.），缺少名词导致句子不完整。改为 by playing in parks 补全动作方式。建议检查句子是否完整并补充必要成分。

× Yes, in the future I would like to visit a large park with wide walking paths and torch trees.

✓ Yes, in the future I would like to visit a large park with wide walking paths and tall trees.

原句 torch trees 不是常见搭配，疑为拼写或词汇错误，应为 tall trees（高大的树）。注意词汇选择避免生造短语。

× I enjoy walking in the shades.

✓ I enjoy walking in the shade.

shades 一般指阴影的复数，但习惯用法为 in the shade（在阴凉处）。使用单数更自然。建议学习常用固定搭配。

× It should and also it should have many colorful flowers, beds and plenty of benches where I can see or relax.

✓ It should also have many colorful flower beds and plenty of benches where I can sit and relax.

原句语序混乱（It should and also it should），并且 flower beds 应合并为复合名词，see or relax 用词不当，应为 sit and relax。建议简化语序并使用正确短语。

× Nor so. Sometimes it can also have outdoor concerts.

✓ Also, sometimes it can host outdoor concerts.

Nor so 无意义且不合语法，需改为连接副词 Also 或者直接用 Sometimes 引出句子；have outdoor concerts 在此语境下更自然的表达是 host outdoor concerts。建议删除无意义短语并使用自然表达。