Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Reduce hesitations and grammar errors, give a clear topic sentence then one or two supporting details with linking words. Avoid fillers (uh, umm) and correct article use (‘an introvert’). Keep it within 3–4 sentences.

例: No, I didn't enjoy going to parks as a child because I was an introvert and preferred staying indoors. For example, I often spent my afternoons reading books or coloring, which felt more comfortable than playing outside. As a result, I rarely visited parks.

提案: Make the response more natural and concise, fix minor word choice and repetition. Start with a clear topic sentence, then add 1–2 specific reasons linked with connectors (for example, because, and). Avoid vague phrases like ‘going to practice’ — use ‘going to parks’ or ‘exercising there’.

例: Yes, I enjoy going to parks now because they have a relaxing atmosphere and plenty of space to walk and exercise. For instance, I often go for a brisk walk and sometimes do stretching or jogging there, which helps me unwind after a long day.

提案: Avoid repetition and wordiness; use precise vocabulary and one clear reason followed by a supporting detail. Use linking words (because, so, therefore) appropriately and avoid filler words. Replace vague phrases like ‘enjoy the nature’ with ‘enjoy nature’ or ‘green space’.

例: Yes, I would like more parks in my city because they provide green spaces where people can relax and escape urban stress. For example, small neighborhood parks would give residents a convenient place to walk, meet friends, or let children play safely.

提案: Be more specific about which park and why, and link ideas clearly. Mention concrete activities you plan to do and avoid repetitive phrasing like ‘some shooting for their videos’. Keep to 2–3 clear sentences.

例: Yes, I plan to visit the large park near my home because it has open spaces and interesting scenery. I would like to take photos and record short videos there, and perhaps join others who film content, which would be a fun new activity.

× No, I didn't, uh, like going to parks as a child because I was more of a introvert, so I like to spend my time inside my room doing, umm, things like reading books, coloring.

✓ No, I didn't like going to parks as a child because I was more of an introvert, so I liked to spend my time inside my room doing things like reading books and coloring.

Errors: article before 'introvert' (should be 'an introvert'), inconsistency of past vs present (question asks about childhood so use past 'liked' and 'spent'), and awkward comma usage. Suggestion: Use 'an' before vowel sounds, keep past-tense consistently when referring to childhood, and use 'and' to join items rather than a trailing comma. Example: 'I was more of an introvert, so I liked to spend my time inside my room doing things like reading books and coloring.'

× Yes, I like going to parks now because, uh, it has a relaxing atmosphere.

✓ Yes, I like going to parks now because they have a relaxing atmosphere.

Error: Pronoun agreement and vague reference: 'it' refers to 'parks' (plural), so use 'they' and plural verb 'have'. Suggestion: Match pronoun and verb number to the noun: 'parks' -> 'they have'.

× You can take a good walk and you can also do exercises.

✓ You can go for a good walk and you can also exercise.

Errors: 'take a good walk' is acceptable but 'go for a good walk' is more natural; 'do exercises' is grammatical but 'exercise' is more natural and concise. Suggestion: Use natural collocations: 'go for a walk' and 'exercise.'

× So I think I like going to practice now.

✓ So I think I like going to the park to practice now.

Errors: 'going to practice' is unclear and missing article/place; likely meant 'going to the park to practice' or 'going to practice sports.' Suggestion: Specify the place and use articles: 'the park' and include intended activity: 'to practice.'

× Yes, I would like to see more parks in my city because more parks means umm more people will come and enjoy the nature in the small parks because Kathmandu is a big city so I think it will be a place for people to relax and enjoy the nature more.

✓ Yes, I would like to see more parks in my city because more parks mean more people will come and enjoy nature in small parks. Kathmandu is a big city, so I think they would be places for people to relax and enjoy nature more.

Errors: Subject-verb agreement: 'more parks means' should be 'mean' (plural). Redundant and awkward phrasing: 'enjoy the nature' -> 'enjoy nature.' Use plural pronoun 'they' to refer to 'parks.' Suggestion: Ensure plural subjects take plural verbs and simplify repetitive phrases.

× Yes, I want to go to a park nearby my home because it has a big space and sometimes people come and do some shooting for their videos or TikTok videos, so I think I could also do that.

✓ Yes, I want to go to a park near my home because it has a large open space, and sometimes people come to shoot videos, like TikToks, so I think I could do that too.

Errors: Use 'near' instead of 'nearby' before a noun ('a park near my home' or 'a nearby park'). 'Big space' is awkward; 'large open space' is clearer. 'Do some shooting for their videos' is awkward — use 'come to shoot videos.' Place 'too' at end for natural emphasis. Suggestion: Use correct preposition with 'nearby' or 'near,' prefer natural collocations like 'shoot videos' and clearer noun phrases like 'large open space.'