Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Use past tense consistently, make a clear topic sentence, avoid repetition, and add one specific detail. Keep it natural and under five sentences. For example, start with 'Yes, I loved going to parks as a child.' then give a reason and a specific memory using a linking word.

例: Yes, I loved going to parks as a child. We used to treat the park as our cricket ground, and all my friends would gather there every afternoon. Because the park had a big open field, we could play until sunset and then walk home together.

提案: Be concise and use correct grammar and vocabulary. State your current preference in a topic sentence, explain the reason briefly with linking words, and avoid vague phrases like 'epic' or 'release much less.' Use 'busy schedule' and mention how visiting helps you relax.

例: Yes, I still enjoy going to parks, but I rarely have time because of my busy schedule. However, when I do visit a park, it helps me relax and brings back pleasant childhood memories.

提案: Give a clear opinion and support it with specific reasons. Use accurate vocabulary (e.g., 'air quality' instead of 'heavy breathing situation') and connect ideas with linking words like 'because' and 'for example.' Keep it focused and avoid vague terms like 'drama.'

例: Yes, I would like to see more parks in my city because there are too few green spaces. For example, losing trees has worsened air quality and increased pollution, so more parks would improve residents' health and the urban environment.

提案: Give a direct answer and avoid contradictory statements. If you are uncertain, say so clearly and give a brief reason or condition. Use specific plans or examples if possible and limit filler words like 'uh' or 'you know.'

例: I'm not sure about a specific park, but I would like to visit local parks that are family-friendly. For instance, I would enjoy going to a park with playgrounds where I can watch children and families relax on weekends.

× Yes, I do like going to parks as a child since parks is the top of our playground or a cricket ground in my mind since we all friends gathered there and started playing cricket and enjoyed a lot until the evening.

✓ Yes, I liked going to parks as a child because parks were my favourite playgrounds or cricket grounds; all my friends would gather there, play cricket, and enjoy themselves until the evening.

The sentence has multiple issues: tense and pronoun/pronoun phrase use. The question asks about past preference, so use past tense 'liked' not present 'do like' (Grammar Problem Type ID 5: Past tense issue). 'Parks is' is incorrect because 'parks' is plural and needs 'were' (Grammar Problem Type ID 1: Singular and plural issue and 27: Subject-verb agreement). 'We all friends' is missing a pronoun/article and should be 'all my friends' (Grammar Problem Type ID 12: Incorrect use of pronouns). 'Enjoyed a lot' should be recast as 'enjoy themselves' for clarity and correct reflexive/object use (Grammar Problem Type ID 15: Incorrect reflexive pronoun use and 13: Incorrect use of adjectives or adverbs). Suggestion: keep consistent past tense, match plural subjects with plural verbs, use correct possessive pronoun 'my', and use natural phrasing like 'enjoy themselves'.

× Yes personally I feel I like to go uh now now also but since of my schedule is epic I can't able to make it all.

✓ Yes, personally I feel I still like to go now, but because my schedule is hectic I can't always make it.

Problems: tense and word choice. 'I like to go uh now now also' is awkward; use 'I still like to go now' (Grammar Problem Type ID 6: Present tense issue). 'Since of my schedule is epic' uses wrong preposition and wrong adjective; 'since of' should be 'because' or 'since' alone and 'epic' is informal/wrong meaning — use 'hectic' (Grammar Problem Type ID 11: Incorrect use of prepositions and 13: Incorrect use of adjectives or adverbs). 'I can't able to make it all' is ungrammatical; use 'I can't always make it' or 'I'm not able to make it' (Grammar Problem Type ID 26: Sentence structure errors). Suggestion: use clear conjunctions ('because'), correct adjective, and 'can't always make it' for ability/frequency.

× But hopefully recreating those memories will help me a lot to release much less.

✓ But hopefully recreating those memories will help me relax much more.

Issues: incorrect verb choice and adverb use. 'Release much less' is incorrect and unclear; the intended meaning is 'help me relax' (Grammar Problem Type ID 8: Verb + -ing form and 13: Incorrect use of adjectives or adverbs). Also 'a lot to' before a verb is awkward; better: 'help me relax a lot' or 'help me relax much more'. Suggestion: use the correct verb 'relax' and appropriate adverbial phrase 'much more' or 'a lot'.

× Yes, I do like more parks in my city since of less parks constructed in my city and demolition of trees makes it a heavy breathing situation in my city and causes pollution, drama, everything.

✓ Yes, I would like more parks in my city because too few parks have been built and the demolition of trees has made the city breathe less easily, causing pollution and other problems.

Issues: article/quantifier and tense/subject-verb agreement. 'I do like more parks' is awkward; 'I would like more parks' is natural (Grammar Problem Type ID 22: Article errors / 14: Incorrect use of quantifiers). 'Since of less parks constructed' is wrong: use 'because too few parks have been built' (Grammar Problem Type ID 11: Incorrect use of prepositions and 5: Past tense issue for 'have been built'). 'Demolition of trees makes it a heavy breathing situation' is awkward and unidiomatic; use 'has made the city breathe less easily' and ensure agreement 'has made' (Grammar Problem Type ID 27: Subject-verb agreement and 26: Sentence structure errors). Suggestion: use correct quantifiers ('too few'), passive perfect for construction ('have been built'), and clearer phrasing for consequences.

× Hopefully, you know, since I have lost interest on the parks everything, but I love to see, uh, women, children playing around the parks like that.

✓ Hopefully, you know, I have lost interest in parks in general, but I still love to see women and children playing in the parks.

Problems: incorrect preposition 'lost interest on' should be 'lost interest in' (Grammar Problem Type ID 11: Incorrect use of prepositions). 'Parks everything' is ungrammatical and should be 'parks in general' (Grammar Problem Type ID 26: Sentence structure errors). 'Women, children playing around the parks like that' needs parallel structure and definite/indefinite article removal: use 'women and children playing in the parks' (Grammar Problem Type ID 12: Incorrect use of pronouns and 17: Incorrect use of the definite article). Suggestion: use 'lost interest in', 'in general' for generalization, and 'playing in the parks' for natural phrasing.