Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and correct errors. Start with a clear topic sentence, correct vocabulary and grammar (e.g., 'slides' not 'sliced'), and avoid unfinished fragments. Use one brief supporting detail and a linking word if needed.

例: Yes — I loved going to the park with my parents when I was a child. In particular, I enjoyed going on the slides and playing games with my friends, which made those visits very memorable.

提案: Improve fluency and natural phrasing: use articles ('the park'), correct verb forms, and avoid vague expressions like 'opens my horizon.' Add one specific reason using a linking word for coherence.

例: Yes, I still enjoy going to the park in my free time. For example, I often take a quick walk there because watching children play and breathing fresh air helps me relax and clear my mind.

提案: Organize your response with a clear opinion first, then give a specific reason and a suggestion. Avoid filler words ('uh') and unclear fragments. Use precise vocabulary (e.g., 'all age groups') and one linking word to connect ideas.

例: Yes, I would like to see more parks in my city. For example, adding well-maintained parks suitable for all age groups — with playgrounds for children and quiet areas for older people — would benefit the whole community.

提案: Keep the answer direct and correct small grammar issues (e.g., 'in the future', 'I heard from my friends that it has'). Add one specific detail about why you want to go to make the answer more vivid.

例: Yes, I hope to visit Algonquin Park in the future. I heard from friends that it has fantastic scenery and hiking trails, so I plan to go next summer with my friends and family to enjoy the views and do some hikes.

× Uh, thinking of my childhood guess I absolutely loved going to the park with my parents.

✓ Uh, thinking of my childhood, I guess I absolutely loved going to the park with my parents.

Missing comma and word order: 'guess' should be 'I guess' to form a complete clause. Use a comma after introductory phrase 'thinking of my childhood' to separate it from the main clause. This keeps tense consistent (past) and makes the sentence grammatical.

× I love taking sliced there with my friends.

✓ I loved taking slides there with my friends.

Wrong word 'sliced' is likely a typo for 'slides.' Also the student is referring to childhood so past tense 'loved' is appropriate. 'Taking slides' is the correct phrase for using playground slides.

× It was very fun experience.

✓ It was a very fun experience.

Missing article 'a' before 'very fun experience.' English requires an article before a singular countable noun. Add 'a' to make the noun phrase grammatical.

× I can.

✓ I can remember it clearly.

Fragment: 'I can' is incomplete without a verb or complement. Provide a full verb phrase that matches context, e.g., 'I can remember it clearly.' This completes the sentence and clarifies meaning.

× Yes, in my free time I prefer going to park for a quick walk.

✓ Yes, in my free time I prefer going to the park for a quick walk.

Missing definite article 'the' before 'park' when referring to parks in general or a specific park. Use 'the park' to sound natural in English.

× I love watching children taking slides, playing with their friends.

✓ I love watching children go down slides and play with their friends.

Incorrect gerund usage: 'children taking slides' is unnatural. Use 'go down slides' or 'use the slides.' Also make parallel structure: 'go down slides and play with their friends.'

× It gives my mind a sense of relaxation and it opens my horizon.

✓ It gives my mind a sense of relaxation and opens my horizons.

Redundant pronoun 'it' is unnecessary in the second clause. 'Horizons' is usually plural in this idiom. Removing the second 'it' and using plural 'horizons' makes the expression natural.

× There are many bugs in my city and in uh.

✓ There are many bugs in my city, and so on.

Sentence is incomplete and contains filler 'uh.' If the speaker meant to list other issues, use 'and so on' or finish the clause. Remove filler and complete the idea.

× If there is any addition to it, it would be lovely.

✓ If there were any additions to it, that would be lovely.

Conditional phrasing: for hypothetical present situations use 'If there were' (subjunctive) or keep 'If there is' with 'it would be' is mismatched. Use 'If there were any additions... that would be lovely.' Also change 'addition' to plural 'additions' for naturalness.

× I would prefer uh making parks that are suitable for all aged people from kids to adults and older generation.

✓ I would prefer making parks that are suitable for people of all ages, from children to adults and the older generation.

Use 'people of all ages' instead of 'all aged people.' Remove filler 'uh.' Use 'children' instead of 'kids' for formality, or keep 'kids' if informal. Add 'the' before 'older generation.'

× Yes, I would like to go to Algonquin Park in future.

✓ Yes, I would like to go to Algonquin Park in the future.

Missing definite article 'the' in the idiom 'in the future.' Use 'in the future' to indicate a time later on.

× I have heard about it from my friends that has a fantastic view and I'm planning to go there next summer with my friends and family.

✓ I have heard about it from my friends, who say it has a fantastic view, and I'm planning to go there next summer with my friends and family.

Relative clause agreement: 'friends that has' is incorrect because 'friends' is plural and requires 'who say' or 'who have said' and 'it has' for the park. Replace 'that has' with 'who say it has' to match plural subject and clarify meaning. Also add commas to separate clauses.