Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Give a short but complete response: start with a direct topic sentence, add one or two brief supporting details (why you liked them or a memory), and avoid one-word answers. Use linking words if you add details.

例: Yes, I loved going to parks as a child because they were places to play freely and meet friends. For example, I used to spend whole afternoons on the swings and have picnics with my family.

提案: Provide a clear topic sentence stating whether you still like parks, then use one or two linked reasons or examples. Avoid vague phrases and repetition; use linking words such as "although", "however", or "but" to make contrast clear.

例: I still like going to parks, although my interests have shifted as I got older. For example, I now enjoy jogging or reading under a tree there rather than playing games, so I visit parks less often but I still appreciate them.

提案: Answer directly and then give specific supporting reasons and one concrete example. Use linking phrases to organize points (e.g. "because", "for example"). Avoid repeating phrases like "very nice"; instead vary vocabulary (e.g. "beneficial", "pleasant").

例: Yes, I would like to see more parks in my city because they provide recreational space and improve air quality. For example, new parks with native trees, flower beds and playgrounds would offer safe places for children to play and families to relax.

提案: Start with a direct answer (yes/no or not specific), then give a clear, concise description of what kind of park you'd like to visit in the future using one or two specific features. Use linking words like "so" or "therefore" to connect ideas and avoid repetitive adjectives.

例: I don't have a particular park in mind, but I would like to visit a large park that has abundant trees and flower gardens as well as a café. That way I could take a walk among the greenery and then relax with a coffee at the park café.

× Well I'm a bit older, I enjoy different things, I have new hobbies and definitely new friends.

✓ Well, I'm a bit older; I enjoy different things, I have new hobbies and definitely new friends.

Punctuation and clause connection: This sentence uses present tense correctly but needs clearer clause separation. Use a semicolon or conjunction to connect independent clauses. Also add a comma after 'Well' for natural speech. Suggestion: use 'Well, I'm a bit older; I enjoy different things.' to improve clarity and flow.

× Interest changes as we grow.

✓ Interests change as we grow.

Singular/plural agreement: 'Interest' should be plural 'Interests' because the speaker refers to general preferences rather than a single interest. Use plural noun to match the general meaning.

× Not that much but I wouldn't mind.

✓ Not that much, but I wouldn't mind.

Punctuation and sentence clarity: Add a comma after 'Not that much' to separate clauses. The tense/modal usage 'wouldn't mind' is fine; punctuation improves readability.

× Seeing more parks in my city would be very nice.

✓ Seeing more parks in my city would be very nice.

Gerund phrase is acceptable here; no grammatical change needed. Keep as is. (Included because this sentence uses a verb+ing form correctly.)

× It brings a lot of joy for children and if there would be new parks I would really like them.

✓ It would bring a lot of joy to children, and if there were new parks I would really like them.

Conditional and modal use: Mixed conditional forms are incorrect. For a hypothetical present/future situation, use 'would' in the main clause and 'if there were' (subjunctive) or 'if there are' for real possibilities. Also 'bring joy to children' is the correct prepositional pattern (use 'to' rather than 'for').

× For them to be in the nature with many trees, flowers and many new games for children to play, that would be lovely.

✓ For them to be in nature, with many trees, flowers, and lots of new play equipment for children, that would be lovely.

Preposition and word choice: Use 'in nature' without the article. Replace 'many new games' with 'lots of new play equipment' or 'new play areas' for parks. Add commas for clarity and use parallel noun phrases.

× Well, I don't have something in mind.

✓ Well, I don't have anything in mind.

Incorrect quantifier/pronoun: 'Something' is awkward in negative sentences; use 'anything' in negative contexts ('don't have anything in mind'). This is a quantifier/pronoun usage rule.

× However I would really like to go to park that will be with cafeteria inside and a lot of nature.

✓ However, I would really like to go to a park that has a cafeteria and a lot of natural surroundings.

Article and verb choice: Use the indefinite article 'a park' not 'park'. 'That will be with cafeteria inside' is unidiomatic; use 'that has a cafeteria'. 'A lot of nature' is better expressed as 'natural surroundings'. Add comma after 'However'.

× That would be very nice to have a coffee or a drink and a lovely place which would be a big park with flowers, nature, trees and everything.

✓ It would be very nice to have a coffee or a drink in a lovely place, such as a big park with flowers, trees, and abundant natural areas.

Pronoun and article clarity: Start with 'It would be very nice' for a clear dummy subject. Use 'in a lovely place' rather than 'and a lovely place which would be'. 'Nature' is vague; 'abundant natural areas' or 'greenery' is clearer. Use commas for list clarity and remove 'and everything' which is informal and vague.