Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and grammatically correct: start with a clear topic sentence, avoid hesitations and repetition, and add one specific supporting detail. Use linking words if needed. Keep it under five sentences.

例: Yes, I loved going to parks as a child. My parents often took me there on weekends, and I enjoyed playing on the swings and having picnics with my friends. Those visits are some of my happiest childhood memories.

提案: Give a direct statement about current habit, then add specific condition and a short reason. Reduce hesitations and complete the sentence. Use a linking word like 'because' or 'when'.

例: Yes, I still enjoy going to parks, but it depends on my mood. For example, when I need to relax after a stressful day, I often go to a nearby park alone because the quiet helps me recharge.

提案: Answer directly and give a clear specific reason. Avoid repeated fillers and correct grammar (singular/plural). Provide an example of what kind of park or facility you want.

例: Yes, I would like to see more parks in my city because there are few places to walk or relax. For instance, small neighborhood parks with benches and walking paths would give people a convenient space to exercise and meet friends.

提案: State the specific parks clearly and explain why you want to visit using specific details. Correct grammar and tense, and avoid vague adjectives like 'discriminant'. One or two supporting details are enough.

例: Yes, I would like to visit a large waterpark and a safari park in the future. The waterpark looks exciting because of its many slides and pools, while the safari park interests me because I could see wild animals up close in a natural setting.

× Of course, when I was a child, my parents, uh, went, went to me. To the park for play.

✓ Of course, when I was a child, my parents took me to the park to play.

Pronoun and verb choice error: 'went to me' is incorrect because the subject (parents) should be followed by the verb 'took' when bringing someone somewhere. Also 'to the park for play' is unnatural; use the infinitive 'to play'. Suggestion: use 'took me to the park to play' to clearly show who brought the speaker and why.

× So literally I love to play with park in park with my friends.

✓ So I loved playing in the park with my friends.

Tense and word choice: 'literally I love to play' is awkward in past context; the question referred to childhood, so past tense 'loved' fits. 'play with park in park' is incorrect word order and preposition use; correct phrase is 'playing in the park'. Suggestion: use 'loved playing in the park with my friends.'

× So yes I will like.

✓ So yes, I did.

Tense mismatch: The speaker is answering about past preference. 'I will like' is future and incorrect here. Use past simple 'I did' or a natural response 'Yes, I did.' Suggestion: choose tense that matches the time referenced.

× Actually, it's preferred my mood.

✓ Actually, it depends on my mood.

Incorrect phrase: 'it's preferred my mood' is ungrammatical. The correct expression meaning 'it varies with my mood' is 'it depends on my mood.' Use the verb 'depend' with preposition 'on.'

× Sometimes when I need to be relaxed, I go, uh, park alone.

✓ Sometimes when I need to relax, I go to the park alone.

Verb form and preposition: 'need to be relaxed' is wordy; 'need to relax' is more natural. Missing preposition 'to' before 'the park'. Place adverb 'alone' after the location. Suggestion: 'I go to the park alone.'

× But uh, it's uh.

✓ But sometimes I don't feel like going.

Incomplete sentence: 'But uh, it's uh.' lacks meaning and a verb. Provide a complete clause to express the idea—e.g., 'I don't feel like going'—so the sentence has a subject and verb and completes the thought.

× Uh, yes, because, uh, because we don't have enough place to walk or for a relaxing day to sit anywhere.

✓ Yes, because we don't have enough places to walk or anywhere to sit and relax.

Count noun and article issues: 'enough place' is incorrect; use plural 'places' or 'enough space'. 'for a relaxing day to sit anywhere' is awkward; rephrase 'anywhere to sit and relax.' Suggestion: use plural nouns and natural word order.

× So I want, uh, I want that, uh, every cities need some place to sit.

✓ So I want every city to have some places to sit.

Subject-verb and noun number errors: 'every cities' mixes 'every' with plural noun; 'every' requires singular noun 'city'. Also 'I want that every city need' is wrong verb form; use 'to have' or 'to have some places' and change 'need' to 'to have'. Suggestion: 'I want every city to have some places to sit.' },{