Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more grammatically correct, concise and specific. Start with a clear topic sentence, correct verb forms and articles (a/the), and avoid repetition. Add one supporting detail with linking words. Keep under five sentences.

例: Yes, I loved going to parks as a child. I used to look forward to weekends because my family would take me to a local park where I could ride the swings and play on the slides. It was a highlight of my week and helped me make friends in the neighborhood.

提案: Make sentences grammatically correct and more fluent. Use articles and plural forms properly, reduce hesitation and repetition, and include a linking phrase to connect reasons. Keep answers concise (max 5 sentences).

例: Yes, I still enjoy going to parks, especially in the morning because the birds are singing and there are few people around. For example, I often go for a quiet 30-minute walk to clear my mind before work.

提案: Organize ideas clearly and avoid filler words. Start with a direct topic sentence, then give two specific, well-linked examples using correct plurals and articles. Limit to three sentences max and remove hesitations.

例: Yes, I would love more parks in the city because each one offers something different. For instance, some parks have small amusement areas for families, while others feature flower gardens and dedicated jogging paths for exercise.

提案: Avoid excessive hesitation and repetition; speak clearly and use correct vocabulary. Begin with a clear statement and provide concise specific details (location, features, and reason). Use linking words to explain why you want to visit. Keep to three sentences.

例: I can't remember the exact name, but there is a large park in New York City that I want to visit. It has extensive green spaces and a picturesque bridge, which I think would be especially beautiful in winter. I hope to go there next year to take photos and enjoy the scenery.

× Yes, yes, I actually love going to park.

✓ Yes, yes, I actually love going to the park.

Missing definite article 'the' before 'park' when referring to parks in general or a specific type of place. Use 'the park' or 'parks' depending on meaning. Suggestion: use 'the park' for a specific place or 'parks' for the general activity.

× When I was a child, I remember that I used to wait for every weekend so that we could go and I could take a ride on swim.

✓ When I was a child, I remember that I used to wait for every weekend so that we could go and I could take a ride on a swing.

Incorrect noun 'swim' used instead of 'swing'. Also 'take a ride on a swing' is the correct collocation. The main error is word choice rather than tense. Suggestion: use the correct noun 'swing' for the playground equipment.

× Yeah, I still like to go to park, particularly in the morning because you can do walk while there is a chirping sound of birds and there isn't there, there are not a lot, a lot of people there.

✓ Yeah, I still like to go to the park, particularly in the morning because you can walk while you hear the chirping of birds and there aren't a lot of people there.

Missing definite article 'the' before 'park'; incorrect verb phrase 'do walk' should be 'walk'; awkward phrasing 'there is a chirping sound of birds' better as 'you hear the chirping of birds'; double negatives/wordiness 'there isn't there, there are not a lot, a lot of people there' fixed to 'there aren't a lot of people there'. Suggestion: simplify phrases and use correct articles and verb forms.

× Yeah, I would, I would love to do that because I feel like every park has its own uniqueness.

✓ Yeah, I would, I would love that because I feel like every park has its own uniqueness.

Phrase 'love to do that' is not wrong but 'love that' sounds more natural in this context; main issue minimal. No major grammatical error other than style. Suggestion: prefer 'love that' or 'love it' for smoother speech.

× For example, there are some park where there would be, you know, amusement related places, is this for example.

✓ For example, there are some parks where there are, you know, amusement-related places, for example.

Plural mismatch: 'park' should be 'parks' when using 'some'; hyphen needed in compound adjective 'amusement-related'; redundant phrasing 'is this for example' removed and replaced with 'for example'. Suggestion: ensure noun number matches quantifier and hyphenate compound modifiers.

× And then there are some parks where you would find different kind of flowers.

✓ And then there are some parks where you would find different kinds of flowers.

Quantifier/noun agreement: 'different kind of flowers' should be 'different kinds of flowers' (plural) or 'a different kind of flower' (singular). Suggestion: match singular/plural forms: use 'kinds' with plural noun.

× Are there are some parks where you would find walkways or terrains to, to to do jogging?

✓ Are there some parks where you would find walkways or terrain for jogging?

Duplicate 'are' and repeated 'to' are disfluencies; 'terrains' is awkward—use 'terrain' or 'paths'; 'to do jogging' is unnatural, better 'for jogging'. Suggestion: remove repetitions and use natural collocations like 'walkways' and 'terrain for jogging'.

× I, I have, I have exactly forgotten the name of park, but there is one in York City and it's, it's, it's over like a larger area because so it has like a lot of green rain everything.

✓ I have exactly forgotten the name of the park, but there is one in York City and it's over a large area so it has a lot of green space.

Missing 'the' before 'park'; awkward fillers removed; 'larger area' should be 'a large area'; 'green rain' is incorrect—likely 'green area' or 'green space'. Suggestion: use definite article for a specific park and replace incorrect words with correct nouns like 'green space'.

× And I think that was, that is something that I really want to go in, particularly in winters, because I saw this one bridge.

✓ And I think that is something that I really want to go to, particularly in winter, because I saw this one bridge.

Mixed tense/confusing sequence: 'was, that is' should be 'is' to match present desire. Preposition 'go in' should be 'go to' for places. 'Winters' should be 'winter' or 'in the winter'. Suggestion: keep tense consistent (present) and use correct preposition and singular 'winter' for seasons in general.