Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and avoid filler words. Start with a clear topic sentence, then give one or two specific supporting details using linking words. Correct small grammar issues (e.g., ‘We all’ is incomplete).

例: Yes, I loved going to the park with my dad and sister when I was a child. For example, we often rode bikes and played on the swings, and afterwards we sometimes ate at a nearby restaurant, which made the outings feel like a special family day.

提案: Give a direct topic sentence and explain reasons clearly with linking words. Fix grammar and awkward phrasing (e.g., ‘I grew up and park’). Use one or two concise supporting points and avoid listing unrelated activities.

例: Not really; I seldom go to parks now because I feel they are mostly geared towards children. However, I do visit occasionally to accompany my sister, especially when she wants to exercise or spend time outdoors.

提案: Start with a clear opinion and give two specific benefits using linking words. Remove fillers and correct grammar (e.g., ‘it's can release’ → ‘they can reduce’). Use precise vocabulary like ‘green spaces’ and ‘reduce stress’.

例: Yes, I would like to see more green spaces in my city because they provide fresh air and can help reduce people’s stress. In addition, parks offer affordable recreation and improve the overall quality of urban life.

提案: Give a direct answer about future plans and add a specific reason or example. Use correct time expressions (‘in the next three years’) and clearer vocabulary (e.g., ‘well-maintained’ instead of ‘tidy’). Avoid fillers like ‘umm’ and contractions in formal speech.

例: Yes, in the next three years I would like to visit parks in other countries, especially Japan, because their parks are well-maintained and have beautiful landscapes. For instance, I would love to see cherry blossom parks in spring for their scenery and peaceful atmosphere.

× We went there for biking and playing around in the playground.

✓ We went there to ride bikes and play on the playground.

The original sentence uses gerunds that are awkwardly combined and 'biking' is better expressed as 'ride bikes' in this context. Use parallel structure ('to ride' and 'to play') to make the sentence clear and natural.

× Uh, we all.

✓ Uh, we all did.

The fragment 'we all' lacks a verb, so it is a sentence without a predicate. Adding 'did' completes the idea referring back to the previous action (went to the playground). Use a complete clause.

× After that, we went to the restaurant to eat some delicious food.

✓ After that, we went to a restaurant to eat some delicious food.

Context requires an article before 'restaurant'. Using 'a restaurant' is natural here. This fixes an omitted article and improves sentence flow.

× Nowadays I'm not quite enjoying going to the park because I grew up and park.

✓ Nowadays I don't really enjoy going to the park because I have grown up and it no longer feels like a place for me.

The original mixes tenses and has a fragment 'and park'. Use present simple for habitual feelings ('don't really enjoy') and present perfect 'have grown up' to connect past change to now. Also add a clause explaining why the park feels different.

× I think it's the place just for children to play around, biking, skiing, something like that.

✓ I think it's a place mainly for children to play, ride bikes, ski, and do similar activities.

Word order and choice were awkward ('the place just for children' and 'biking' as a noun). Use 'a place mainly for children' and list activities with parallel verb forms ('play, ride bikes, ski'). This improves clarity and grammar.

× And I just went there sometimes to accompany my sister there.

✓ And I sometimes go there to accompany my sister.

The sentence mixes past and present adverbials. 'Sometimes' with past 'went' is possible but context asks about present habit, so use present simple 'go' to indicate a current occasional habit. Also remove the redundant 'there'.

× For me, I want to see more garden or green places in my country because uh, it's a place where it's providing fresh air and it's can release people's stresses.

✓ For me, I would like to see more gardens or green spaces in my country because they provide fresh air and can relieve people's stress.

Use plural 'gardens' or the uncountable 'green spaces'. Replace 'it's providing' and 'it's can' with correct verb forms 'they provide' and 'can relieve'. 'Stress' is usually uncountable; use 'relieve people's stress'. Also 'would like' is more polite.

× It also a place where entertaining people.

✓ It is also a place that entertains people.

Original sentence lacks a verb and uses incorrect structure. Add 'is' and use the verb 'entertains' to form a complete sentence. Alternatively, 'It is also a place for entertainment' works.

× In the next three-year, there are parks that I want to go, especially in other country, umm, Japan as an example.

✓ In the next three years, there are parks I want to visit, especially in other countries, for example Japan.

Use plural 'three years' and correct phrase 'want to visit' rather than 'want to go'. 'Other country' should be plural 'other countries' or 'another country'; 'for example' precedes an example. This corrects number, preposition and verb choice.

× Parks there are very beautiful and very tidy, so I wanna go there.

✓ Parks there are very beautiful and very tidy, so I want to go there.

Replace informal 'wanna' with 'want to' for standard English. The rest of the sentence is acceptable; keep present simple 'are' to describe general truth about parks in that country.