Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Снизьте количество слов-паразитов («like», «uh», «and») и постройте ответ по структуре: тема + поддерживающие детали. Уточните факты (например, возраст, названия парков) и используйте связки для логичности. Ограничьте ответ до 3–4 предложений, чтобы звучать естественно и уверенно.

例: Yes, I loved going to parks as a child. I often had picnics there and played on the swings with my mother and my friends. My favourite was a small park near my house called Clock Park because it had a big clock tower and a nice playground.

提案: Уберите заполнители («uh», «like», «umm») и используйте ясную структуру: главный тезис + причина. Дайте конкретные детали о текущей занятости и частоте посещений, используя связующие слова (for example, because, so). Старайтесь не повторяться и используйте более подходящую лексику (busy, attend courses, less often).

例: Not as much as before, because I am very busy now. I attend several courses and training sessions, so I usually visit parks only on weekends or during holidays.

提案: Сформулируйте чёткий ответ: да или нет, затем объясните причину с примерами. Избегайте бессвязных фраз и повторов. Укажите конкретные преимущества новых парков (экология, отдых, спорт) и используйте связки (because, for example, therefore).

例: Yes, I would. Our city has only a few parks, so more green spaces would improve air quality and provide places for people to exercise and relax. For example, new parks could include playgrounds and walking paths for families.

提案: Уберите повторяющиеся «uh» и «like», дайте точную информацию и объясните, почему вы хотите туда поехать. Можно назвать конкретные особенности парка и с кем вы пойдёте. Используйте связки (because, to experience, with) и 2–3 предложения максимум.

例: I would love to visit Ferrari World in Dubai because it is famous for its large attractions and thrilling rides. I want to go there with my mother or friends to try the roller coasters and experience the unique car-themed shows.

× And when I was childlike, I was like I allowed to go to parks and I like to like having picnics and like playing swings with my like mom or with my friends.

✓ When I was a child, I was allowed to go to parks and I liked having picnics and playing on the swings with my mom or my friends.

The sentence contains several sentence structure issues: incorrect word form 'childlike' instead of 'a child', unnecessary filler words 'like', and incorrect verb forms 'I like to like having' instead of past tense 'I liked having' to match 'When I was a child'. Suggestion: remove fillers, use the correct noun phrase 'a child', and maintain consistent past tense 'was allowed', 'liked', 'playing on the swings'. Use 'on the swings' rather than 'playing swings'.

× And there are two parks, but my like third one is like it's clock park. It's.

✓ There were two parks near my home, and the third one was called Clock Park.

Problems: inconsistent tense and unclear phrasing. The question asked about childhood, so use past tense 'were' and 'was called'. Remove filler 'like' and the fragment 'It's.' Suggestion: state location and name clearly: 'There were two parks near my home, and the third one was called Clock Park.'

× Well, umm, now, uh, I'm busy person, but I like, I used to like, go to parks, uh, more often than now, but because, uh, now I like get older and I have to do many things.

✓ Well, now I'm a busy person, but I used to go to parks more often because I have gotten older and I have many responsibilities.

Issues: missing article 'a' before 'busy person', redundant fillers, incorrect tense sequence 'used to like, go ... more often than now' and awkward 'because now I like get older'. Suggestion: remove fillers, add article, use 'used to go' for past habit, and 'have gotten older' or 'gotten older' to explain change. Also replace 'do many things' with 'have many responsibilities' for clarity.

× I have to go like many courses such as like SAT English courses and training and, and.

✓ I have to attend many courses, such as SAT English courses and training.

Problem: incorrect verb choice 'go' for attending courses; better verbs are 'attend' or 'take'. The original used filler 'like' repeatedly and ended with a fragment. Suggestion: use 'attend' and list items clearly: 'I have to attend many courses, such as SAT English courses and training.'

× And because there's, uh, like a few parks, I want to see more parks in our city because, uh, but uh, when it comes to like buildings and like fewer buildings and when if.

✓ Because there are few parks, I want to see more parks in our city, especially compared to the many buildings.

Problems: incorrect use of 'there's' with plural noun 'a few parks' (should be 'there are'), excessive fillers, and an unfinished comparative clause. Suggestion: use 'there are few parks' or 'there are only a few parks' and complete the comparison: 'especially compared to the many buildings.'

× If I had the chance, I would love to go to the Ferrari, uh, car park, uh, it's most uh, big park in the world and it's located in the UAE and in the city like Dubai.

✓ If I had the chance, I would love to go to Ferrari World, which is one of the biggest theme parks in the world and is located in Dubai, UAE.

Errors: awkward name 'the Ferrari car park' and incorrect superlative 'it's most big park' (should be 'one of the biggest' or 'the biggest'). Also mix of contractions and filler words. Suggestion: use the correct place name 'Ferrari World' and the phrase 'one of the biggest theme parks' and maintain clear relative clause: 'which is one of the biggest theme parks in the world and is located in Dubai, UAE.'

× Uh, I like to go there with my mom or with my friends in the future.

✓ I would like to go there with my mom or my friends in the future.

Issue: mismatch of modal/tense. For a future desire after a conditional 'If I had the chance, I would...', use 'I would like' rather than simple present 'I like'. Suggestion: use 'I would like to go there with my mom or my friends in the future.'