Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and use a clear topic sentence. Avoid filler words and repetitions. Mention specific details (e.g., swings, slides, family picnics) and link them with a simple connector to make the answer coherent.

例: Yes, I loved going to parks as a child because they had swings and slides that I enjoyed. For example, I often spent afternoons swinging with my friends and having picnics with my family, which made the visits special.

提案: Start with a clear direct response and follow with one or two concise reasons using linking words (e.g., although, because). Remove hesitations and repeat information only once. Give a brief example of when you would go if you had time.

例: I don't go often now because I work from 9 to 5, so I have little free time. However, I would visit a park on weekends to relax and clear my mind, for instance by walking around the lake for 30 minutes.

提案: Answer directly and give specific reasons with fewer repetitions. Use linking words like 'because' and 'so' but avoid repeating the same phrase. Provide a concrete benefit (e.g., healthier children, community space).

例: Yes, I would. More parks would give children safe places to play and encourage them to exercise instead of staying indoors with phones. This could improve children's health and strengthen local communities.

提案: Give a clear target and a reason. Name a type of famous park (e.g., a botanical garden or national park) and explain what you hope to see or do using one linking word to connect ideas.

例: Yes, I'd like to visit a famous botanical garden to see rare plants and beautifully designed landscapes. For example, I hope to walk the themed sections and take photos of exotic flowers.

× I used to love, uh, park as a chi uh, child because I feel nostalgia.

✓ I used to love going to the park as a child because I felt nostalgic.

The sentence misuses the noun 'park' without an article; singular countable nouns need an article ('the park') or a determiner. 'Feel nostalgia' is awkward; the adjective 'nostalgic' or 'felt nostalgic' is appropriate. Also tense consistency: 'used to' refers to past, so 'felt' is correct. Suggestion: Use 'the park' for specific place and use 'felt nostalgic' to match past reference.

× They are, they are some different, uh, pay ground and something play activities is there so I can, I can enjoy my, those activities.

✓ There are several different playgrounds and play activities, so I could enjoy those activities.

'Playground' should be plural 'playgrounds' when referring to several. 'There are' is correct for plural existence. 'Something play activities is there' is ungrammatical; use 'and play activities' and make the verb agree with plural ('are' or restructure). Also match modality: past context uses 'could' or 'would'. Suggestion: Use 'several' or 'some' with plural noun and ensure subject-verb agreement.

× I feel nostalgia.

✓ I felt nostalgic.

Context is past ('used to love'), so present tense 'feel' is inconsistent. Also 'nostalgia' as a noun is possible but 'felt nostalgic' is more natural. Suggestion: Keep tense consistent and prefer 'felt nostalgic'.

× Not really now because I don't have enough time to go there, but I want to go and spend some time, uh, and I, I want to relax my mind, but I don't have any that much of time because I am working here, umm, for 9:00 to 5:00.

✓ Not really now because I don't have enough time to go there, but I want to go and spend some time to relax; I work here from 9:00 to 5:00, so I don't have much time.

Awkward phrasing 'relax my mind' should be 'to relax'. 'I am working here, umm, for 9:00 to 5:00' is more natural as 'I work here from 9:00 to 5:00'. 'I don't have any that much of time' is incorrect quantifier usage; use 'much time'. Suggestion: Use 'work from 9:00 to 5:00' and 'don't have much time'.

× Yeah, definitely because I want to see more park in my city because I want, I want because those children go to park and play their, their, their activities are busy in those activities because instead of using phone playing video game going to park and.

✓ Yeah, definitely because I want to see more parks in my city; children can go to parks and play, which keeps them busy instead of using phones or playing video games.

'Park' should be plural 'parks' when referring to multiple. Use articles with 'go to the park' or plural 'parks'. The sentence has run-on structure; split into clearer clauses. 'Phone' should be plural 'phones' and 'playing video game' should be 'playing video games'. Suggestion: Use plural nouns when generalizing and parallel structure for the list (phones, playing video games).

× I want to, uh, visit, uh, any famous park because I want to see there what is there in that park? I want to take a look of that park.

✓ I would like to visit a famous park because I want to see what is there; I want to take a look at that park.

'Visit any famous park' is awkward; use 'visit a famous park' or 'visit any famous park in particular'. 'See there what is there' is incorrect word order; use 'see what is there'. 'Take a look of' is incorrect preposition; use 'take a look at'. Suggestion: Use 'would like' for a polite desire and correct word order and prepositions ('look at').