Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more fluent and concise. Start with a clear topic sentence, avoid filler words (uh, um), correct grammar (use articles, verb forms), and add one specific detail to support your statement. Keep it under five sentences.

例: Yes, I enjoyed going to parks as a child. I often went there with my neighbours every weekend, and we played football and climbed trees together. Because of those visits, I met many lifelong friends and learned to cooperate in group games.

提案: Use a clear topic sentence and correct grammar (countable/uncountable nouns, verb forms). Replace repetition with varied vocabulary and give one concrete example of what you do in parks. Use a linking word when adding reasons.

例: Yes, I still enjoy going to parks because they are calm and refreshing. For example, I usually go for a morning walk or read on a bench, which helps me clear my mind and meet neighbours. Therefore, parks help me relax and keep my social life active.

提案: Be precise and avoid repetition and fillers. Start with a direct answer, then give two specific benefits with linking words (for example, moreover). Avoid making broad claims like ‘free of depression’—instead say ‘help reduce stress’.

例: Yes, I would like to see more parks in my city. For example, new parks with cafes and seating areas would provide spaces for people to meet and relax, and they could reduce stress and loneliness among residents.

提案: Answer directly then add specific details. Avoid fillers and vague phrases like ‘many people describe’. Instead describe what attracts you (activities, scenery, wildlife) and use a linking word to connect reasons.

例: Yes, I want to visit Hill Park outside the city. It is famous for its large botanical gardens and small wildlife areas, where you can see birds and squirrels. Because of its varied scenery and walking trails, it seems like a perfect place for a day trip.

× I used to enjoy with my friends.

✓ I used to enjoy spending time with my friends.

The verb 'enjoy' must be followed by a gerund (verb+ing) and needs an object. 'Enjoy with my friends' omits the activity; use 'enjoy spending time with my friends' to be grammatical and clear. Grammar problem type ID: 8

× I, uh, used to go to park as a child.

✓ I used to go to the park as a child.

Singular countable nouns usually require an article. 'Park' as a specific place takes 'the park'. Omitting the article is incorrect. Grammar problem type ID: 22

× I had made a lot of friends while, uh, playing in the park as a child.

✓ I made a lot of friends while playing in the park as a child.

Using 'had made' (past perfect) is unnecessary when the context is a simple past narrative. Simple past 'made' is correct. Also 'while playing' correctly uses the present participle. Grammar problem type ID: 9

× Parks are very calm and refreshing place.

✓ Parks are very calm and refreshing places.

Countable noun 'place' must agree in number with plural 'parks'. Use plural 'places' or add 'a' and make 'Parks are a very calm and refreshing place' change meaning; better: 'parks are very calm and refreshing places.' Grammar problem type ID: 22

× Parks are something where we can fresh our mind, we can get social with strangers and we can maintain our social skills.

✓ Parks are places where we can refresh our minds, socialize with strangers, and maintain our social skills.

'Fresh' is an adjective; the verb needed is 'refresh' and takes an object: 'refresh our minds'. 'Get social' is informal and not idiomatic; use 'socialize'. Adjust plural 'minds' to match general reference and parallel structure. Grammar problem type ID: 8

× Yeah, I do like to see more parks in my city because when there are more parks and like, uh, social settings, uh, such as cafe and other things, especially cafe, we can get, uh, social and interactive, uh, and we will be free of depression.

✓ Yes, I would like to see more parks in my city because when there are more parks and social settings, such as cafes and other facilities, we can socialize and be more interactive, which could help reduce depression.

Multiple issues: 'do like to see' is grammatically acceptable but 'would like to see' is more natural for desire. 'Cafe' should be plural 'cafes' when speaking generally. 'Get social' should be 'socialize' and 'be more interactive' is clearer. Also improve article and word choice for fluency. Grammar problem type ID: 22

× There is a park outside my city which is also known as Hill Park.

✓ There is a park outside my city that is called Hill Park.

'Which is also known as' is wordy but not strictly wrong; here 'that is called Hill Park' is more natural. This addresses relative clause style; primary issue classification: 'There is' is fine. Keeping as 'There is a park outside my city that is called Hill Park.' fits spoken register. Grammar problem type ID: 3

× I really like going there because, uh, many people describe it as really fun and there are many wild animals and many gardens, so I like going there.

✓ I really like going there because many people describe it as very enjoyable; there are many wild animals and many gardens, so I like going there.

'Really fun' is conversational; 'very enjoyable' is more appropriate in formal correction. Also avoid repeating 'really' and 'going there' twice; keep sentence concise. Tense and aspect are fine; primary improvement classed as present tense usage and style. Grammar problem type ID: 6