Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more fluent and concise. Start with a clear topic sentence, avoid filler words ("you know"), correct word choice ("cheers" is incorrect), and add one specific supporting detail. Keep to 2–3 sentences.

例: Yes, I loved going to parks as a child. I often played games like tag and hide-and-seek with neighborhood friends, which was fun and kept me active.

提案: Improve clarity and grammar, remove vague phrasing (e.g. "how random the park is"), and link ideas with a connective. Use specific reasons and one example of what you do to relax.

例: Yes, I still enjoy going to parks, especially after work or study because the fresh air helps me relax. For example, I often sit on a bench to read or have a long chat with a friend to unwind and catch up.

提案: Make sentences grammatically correct and concise. Replace fillers, combine sentences with linking words, and give a specific benefit (e.g. cleaner air, space for children).

例: Yes, I would. As the city becomes more crowded, more parks would provide green space for relaxation and cleaner air, and they would give children safe places to play.

提案: Organize response: clear topic sentence, specific name or feature, and one reason. Remove hesitations and repetitions. Describe particular scenery or activities you would do.

例: In the future I would like to visit a national nature reserve in China, such as [name], because I have heard about its dramatic mountains and waterfalls. I would love to hike the trails and take photos of the scenery.

× Yes, I like to, you know, play in the park because there are a lot of my, you know, cheers.

✓ Yes, I liked to play in the park as a child because there were a lot of my friends to play with.

The question asks about childhood (past), so the verb tense should be past ('liked', 'were'). 'My cheers' is incorrect; likely meant 'friends' or 'people I cheered with' so replace with 'friends'. Also rephrase to be natural: 'friends to play with.' Ensure subject-verb agreement and appropriate lexical choice.

× We can play together a lot of games, just having fun.

✓ We could play many games together and just have fun.

Use plural 'games' is fine, but 'a lot of games' is informal; change to 'many games' and match verb forms for past context ('could play', 'have fun'). Also change gerund phrase to main clause for clarity.

× Yeah, I still like to go to park these days, especially after studying or working, because I think just how random the park is kind of way to relax myself.

✓ Yeah, I still like to go to the park these days, especially after studying or working, because I think the relaxed, natural atmosphere of the park is a good way to relax.

Add definite article 'the' before 'park' (article error). The original fragment is ungrammatical and awkward; rephrase to 'the relaxed, natural atmosphere' and use present simple 'is' for habitual action. 'Relax myself' is nonstandard; use 'relax' or 'relax myself' sparingly; here 'relax' is sufficient.

× And sometimes I have a chat with my friends.

✓ And sometimes I chat with my friends.

In casual speech 'have a chat' is acceptable, but 'have a chat with my friends' is wordy given other corrections; 'chat with' is more natural. No preposition error in original, but simplifying improves fluency.

× I think it's a good way to build connection with people.

✓ I think it's a good way to build connections with people.

Use plural 'connections' (singular/plural issue) because people form multiple relationships. 'Build a connection' could work but 'build connections' is more natural here.

× Yes, exactly. I hope we can have more parks in our city because these days the city is being crowded.

✓ Yes, exactly. I hope we can have more parks in our city because these days the city is becoming crowded.

Replace progressive 'is being crowded' which is ungrammatical for state descriptions with 'is becoming crowded.' 'Can have' is acceptable for hope; no modal error beyond this.

× I mean, a lot of people, you know, living together.

✓ I mean, a lot of people live close together.

Original is a fragment lacking a main verb. Use full clause 'a lot of people live close together' to correct sentence structure and convey meaning clearly.

× So I think it's really important for people, you know, could have to have a place to hang around, you know, just to relax and more trees.

✓ So I think it's really important that people have a place to hang out, relax, and enjoy more trees.

Original mixes modal structure incorrectly ('could have to have'). Use 'that people have' for clarity. 'Hang around' is colloquial; 'hang out' is fine. Reorder items for parallelism: 'hang out, relax, and enjoy more trees.' This fixes pronoun/structure issues.

× In the future, uh, if I could, I would like to do go to the national reservation park in China because, uh, I heard a lot of stories.

✓ In the future, if I can, I would like to go to a national nature reserve in China because I have heard many stories about it.

Fix modal and verb forms: 'if I could' vs 'if I can' depends on ability; 'if I can' is suitable. Remove extra 'do' before 'go.' 'National reservation park' is awkward; 'national nature reserve' is natural. Use present perfect 'have heard' for experiences up to now.

× It's a beautiful tourist attraction and I, it, uh, it's, it's, it's a, it's amazing.

✓ It's a beautiful tourist attraction, and it is amazing.

Remove redundant fillers and repeated words. Use a clear adjectival structure: 'it is amazing.' This corrects repetition and produces a grammatical, concise sentence.

× You know, I, I would like to say the sceneries and, you know, just take some photos.

✓ I would like to see the scenery and take some photos.

'Say the sceneries' is incorrect; the verb 'see' fits here. 'Scenery' is an uncountable noun, so use singular. Remove fillers and make parallel verbs 'see' and 'take'.