Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and correct grammar. Start with a clear topic sentence, avoid fillers (uh), correct tense and article use, and give one specific reason or brief example. Use linking words to connect contrast (e.g., instead, however).

例: No, I didn't enjoy going to parks as a child. I found them boring compared with beaches and forests, where I liked exploring and collecting shells or climbing trees. Instead of parks, I preferred outdoor places with variety and activities.

提案: Give a complete, grammatically correct response with a clear topic sentence, then support it with a specific reason and finish the thought. Replace fillers and informal phrases (kinda) with precise vocabulary. Use a linking word (however, although) to contrast preferences.

例: I still don't usually enjoy parks, although I don't mind going if I'm with friends or family. Spending time together there feels more enjoyable because we can chat or have a picnic, whereas going alone seems dull. However, I generally prefer beaches and forests for their scenery and activities.

提案: Be specific and use correct grammar and vocabulary. Start with a clear affirmative sentence, then give two concise, specific reasons using linking words (for example, because, and). Avoid repetition and fillers.

例: Yes, I would like to see more parks in my city because they improve the streetscape and provide safe play areas for children. For example, parks allow kids to play with friends and families to walk pets, which increases community wellbeing.

提案: Provide a clear direct answer, then add a specific example and reason. Remove fillers and correct grammar (use plural/singular correctly). Use linking words (however, for example) to structure contrast and explanation.

例: Not really, I don't usually seek out parks locally. However, if I visit the USA I would like to see some famous parks, for example Central Park in New York, because media shows they are large, well-maintained, and offer varied attractions.

× I was never interested in going to parks, uh, neither when I was child nor now because uh, I find it boring.

✓ I was never interested in going to parks, neither when I was a child nor now because I find them boring.

Singular and plural issue: 'when I was child' is missing the article 'a' before 'child' (article error/ singular noun). Also 'parks' is plural so the pronoun referring to it should be 'them' not 'it'. Insert 'a' and change 'it' to 'them'.

× I instead love beach, uh, forest, other stuff, but rather parks, no.

✓ I instead love beaches, forests and other places, but not parks.

Incorrect conjunction and list form: 'but rather parks, no' is awkward and ungrammatical. Use clear conjunctions ('but not') and plural nouns ('beaches, forests') to match general preference. Combine items with 'and' for clarity.

× I don't mind it because uh, spending time with uh, a friend or a family member in a park is kinda cool and it doesn't seem that boring as going alone.

✓ I don't mind it because spending time with a friend or a family member in a park is kind of cool and it doesn't seem as boring as going alone.

Third person and comparative structure: 'kinda' should be expanded to 'kind of' in formal speech. The comparative requires 'as ... as' structure: change 'that boring as' to 'as boring as'. Also unnecessary commas removed for fluency.

× But I still prefer beaches and forests because they have.

✓ But I still prefer beaches and forests because they have more variety and natural scenery.

Sentence structure error: 'because they have.' is incomplete and lacks an object. Provide the missing information (what they have) to complete the sentence and make the reason clear.

× Definitely yes, because they had a beautiful visualization in the streets and kids really, really enjoy going to parks with their friends, playing, uh, bringing pets with them in the parks.

✓ Definitely yes, because they add a beautiful visual element to the streets and kids really enjoy going to parks with their friends, playing and bringing pets with them.

Past tense and article errors: 'they had' is wrong tense here; use present 'they add' to express general truth. 'Beautiful visualization' is awkward; use 'beautiful visual element'. Remove redundant article 'the' before 'parks' when speaking generally. Use parallel gerunds 'playing and bringing'.

× Uh, it's really enjoyable in there.

✓ It's really enjoyable there.

Incorrect preposition use: 'in there' is unnecessary; 'there' suffices. Removing 'in' yields natural English.

× Honestly not as I said before I'm not interested in parks.

✓ Honestly, as I said before, I'm not interested in parks.

Sentence structure and punctuation: The original omits needed commas and has word order issues. Add commas and place 'as I said before' after an introductory adverb for clarity.

× However if I have a chance to go to USA I would definitely visit their parks because uh, as I see on TV or uh in social media, they have a very attractive parks so it would be worth it.

✓ However, if I have a chance to go to the USA I would definitely visit their parks because, as I see on TV or on social media, they have very attractive parks so it would be worth it.

Modal verb and article/preposition issues: Add commas for clarity. 'go to USA' needs the definite article 'the USA'. 'as I see on TV or in social media' is better as 'on social media'. 'a very attractive parks' mixes singular article with plural noun; change to 'very attractive parks'. The modal 'would' is appropriate for hypothetical; keep it.