Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Cải thiện: Rút gọn câu mở đầu và sắp xếp thông tin theo thứ tự hợp lý, tránh lặp từ (ví dụ: “play with my friends” và “make friends” lặp ý). Thêm một câu chi tiết cụ thể hơn để minh hoạ (ví dụ kể một hoạt động đặc trưng). Sử dụng liên từ đơn giản để nối ý rõ ràng. Ví dụ cụ thể: nêu trò chơi hoặc hoạt động bạn thường làm cùng bạn bè hoặc mẹ.

例: Yes, I did. There was a park near my house where I played football and rode my bike with friends. I also often exercised with my mother, who taught me stretching routines every weekend.

提案: Cải thiện: Trả lời trực tiếp, tránh dùng cụm “I have just said”. Sửa ngữ pháp (“make friends” → “making friends”). Thêm một hoặc hai chi tiết cụ thể và dùng liên từ để mạch lạc. Giữ tối đa 3–4 câu, tự nhiên và súc tích.

例: Yes, I still enjoy going to parks because they offer a chance to exercise and relax. For example, I sometimes jog there and meet neighbours, which helps me unwind after work.

提案: Cải thiện: Loại bỏ tiếng lắp (“umm”), sửa ngữ pháp số và mạo từ (“there are tranquil” → “they are tranquil” or “there are tranquil spaces”), và thay “work” bằng từ phù hợp (“relax”/“play”). Thêm liên từ để nối lý do và ví dụ rõ ràng hơn. Cụ thể hoá ví dụ về hoạt động gia đình.

例: Yes, I would. More parks in Ho Chi Minh City would provide tranquil green spaces where people can exercise and relax after a busy day. For instance, families could have picnics or children could play on the playgrounds at weekends.

提案: Cải thiện: Trả lời rõ ràng, tránh lặp từ (“in the future” twice) và cụm không tự nhiên (“I still think about that yet”). Nêu một mong muốn cụ thể và hoàn chỉnh câu ý định. Ví dụ mô tả đặc điểm công viên bạn muốn đến (đường đi bộ ban đêm, chiếu sáng, ghế ngồi).

例: Not a specific park, but I would like parks that are peaceful and well-lit for evening walks. For example, a park with dedicated night walking paths, benches and good lighting would be ideal for me.

× I used to go to my park near my house to play with my friends and make friends and do the exercises with my mom.

✓ I used to go to the park near my house to play with my friends, make friends, and exercise with my mom.

The sentence misuses 'my park' (article issue) and uses 'do the exercises' which is unnatural; 'exercise' is preferred. Also items in a list should be parallel: 'play, make, and exercise' all base verbs. Use 'the park' for a specific park near the house.

× Yes, I have just said going to the park helps us to enjoy some activities like playing, doing the exercises and make friends sometimes.

✓ Yes, I have just said that going to the park helps us enjoy activities like playing, exercising, and sometimes making friends.

Missing conjunction 'that' after 'said' (sentence structure). List items must be parallel: 'playing, exercising, and making' use -ing forms consistently. 'Doing the exercises' is replaced by 'exercising'. 'Helps us to enjoy' is better as 'helps us enjoy'.

× Yes, I would like to see more parks in Ho Chi Minh City because umm there are tranquil and they help people relax and exercise after a hard working day.

✓ Yes, I would like to see more parks in Ho Chi Minh City because they are tranquil and help people relax and exercise after a hard day at work.

Pronoun and subject placement: 'there are tranquil' is incorrect; use 'they are tranquil'. 'Hard working day' is incorrect wording; use 'hard day at work'. Also remove filler 'umm'.

× For example, families could go there on weekends to work or have a picnic.

✓ For example, families could go there on weekends to relax or have a picnic.

Saying families go to parks 'to work' is unlikely and awkward; likely intended 'to relax'. Keep sentence meaning consistent with context.

× Not really, I still think about that yet, but I hope that in the future in the future the park looks peaceful and has night walking paths and I want to.

✓ Not really, I haven't decided yet, but I hope that in the future the park will be peaceful and have night walking paths, and I would like to go there.

Multiple issues: 'think about that yet' is incorrect; use 'haven't decided yet'. Repetition 'in the future in the future' removed. Use future tense 'will be' and 'have' to express future characteristics. 'I want to' is incomplete; clarify 'I would like to go there'.