Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Make the answer more fluent and grammatically correct. Start with a clear topic sentence, then give one or two specific details using simple linking words. Reduce hesitations and repetitions.

例: Yes, I loved going to parks as a child. I usually went with my friends after school, and we often played basketball or badminton together. Those afternoons were fun because we could run around and relax before going home.

提案: Give a direct answer first, then explain briefly why with one clear reason and a linking word. Avoid long hesitations and incomplete sentences.

例: Not as much as before. Because I am busy with college work now, I don't have much free time to visit parks. However, I still enjoy going when I get a chance on weekends.

提案: Be specific and concise: state your opinion, then give two clear reasons using linking words (because, so, and). Use correct noun phrases (green spaces, better air) and avoid repetitions.

例: Yes, I would. More parks would make the city greener and more attractive, and they would improve air quality. Also, parks provide places for people to relax and take a break from busy city life.

提案: Answer directly with the park name, then explain specifically why you want to visit, using clear reasons and avoiding repetition. Mention one concrete image or activity you expect to see.

例: I would like to visit Central Park in New York. I have seen it in films and I imagine people jogging, biking and enjoying large open lawns. It looks like a great place to relax and experience city nature.

× Umm, yes, and when I was a child I, I usually to go to the park with my, with my friend after the class and uh, we also to play, uh, basketball and uh, some badminton to play with them and they have a happy time.

✓ Umm, yes, when I was a child I usually went to the park with my friend after class, and we also played basketball and badminton and had a good time.

The sentence mixes present tense forms with incorrect infinitives ('to go', 'to play') where past tense is required because the speaker refers to a past habitual action. Change 'usually to go' to 'usually went', 'we also to play' to 'we also played', and 'they have a happy time' to 'had a good time'. Also remove redundant words (extra 'I', 'my') and streamline phrasing. Suggestion: identify the time frame (past) first, then use past simple for habitual past actions.

× The way I see it is when I work in my my age today in because because we have a a busy to busy work to for the college and we don't have much time to go to the park because but I think.

✓ These days, because of my work and studies at college, I am very busy and don't have much time to go to the park.

This sentence has mixed and incorrect tense and many redundant words. The speaker refers to the present situation, so use present simple or present continuous as appropriate: 'I am very busy' or 'I work and study'. Remove repeated words ('my my', 'because because', 'a a') and incorrect infinitive structures ('to busy work to for the college'). Use 'because of' to link reason and simplify the clause. Suggestion: state the time frame (now/days) then present simple/continuous for current routines.

× Yes, because I say color more park in the city can can make the city to a more green and the more and the beauty our environment in the I think we can have a a better air and the more place to have a a break time.

✓ Yes, I think having more parks and greenery in the city can make the environment more beautiful, improve air quality, and provide more places for people to relax.

The original uses incorrect word order and forms ('color more park', 'to a more green', 'the more and the beauty our environment') and repeats words. Use appropriate adjectives and noun phrases: 'more parks and greenery', 'more beautiful', 'improve air quality', and 'places to relax'. Also remove duplicate words and fix article usage. Suggestion: choose clear noun phrases ('air quality', 'places to relax') and keep parallel structure in lists.

× I think it's a New York park because because I when I see a you America's movie and I I open to see a New York park in in the in the when the people to live in in the New York and they also to run circle.

✓ I think I would like to visit a park in New York because in American movies I often see people in New York running in parks.

The sentence has tense and structure problems and many redundancies ('because because', 'I I', repeated 'in'). The question asks about future desire, so use a modal or conditional (would like to visit, or want to visit). Replace awkward phrases ('I open to see', 'people to live in in the New York', 'they also to run circle') with natural expressions: 'in American movies I often see people in New York running in parks'. Suggestion: use 'would like to' for polite future desires and simplify clauses; avoid repeating words and use adverbs like 'often' for frequency.