Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Make your answer more natural and concise. Start with a clear topic sentence, then give one or two specific supporting details. Use correct tense and articles, avoid repetition, and use linking words to connect ideas (e.g., 'so', 'because', 'therefore').

例: Yes, I liked going to parks as a child. Because I didn’t have game consoles at home, I often met friends at the park to play soccer and run around, so it was a fun way to spend my free time.

提案: Be more fluent and reduce hesitations. Give a clear topic sentence and follow with specific activities you do at the park. Use linking words (e.g., 'now', 'usually', 'because') and correct collocations ('go to the park', 'I enjoy walking').

例: Yes, I still enjoy going to parks. Nowadays I usually walk to the park during holidays because I like sitting and reading books there, and sometimes I walk along the river to enjoy the scenery.

提案: Organize your answer: state your opinion first, then give brief reasons with specific details. Correct phrases like 'this year' and 'I enjoy exploring'. Avoid repeating words and improve sentence structure.

例: Yes, I would like to see more parks in my city. I moved to Tokyo this year and I’m not familiar with the area, so I enjoy exploring new parks and green spaces to learn more about the neighbourhood.

提案: Be specific and accurate with names and descriptions. Start with a clear topic sentence naming the park, then explain why you want to visit with concrete details. Use correct prepositions and avoid unclear phrases.

例: Yes, I would like to visit Futako-Tamagawa Park in central Tokyo. Parks like that are rare in the city, and I’ve heard it has many trees and pleasant walking paths, which would help me relax and feel refreshed.

× Yeah, I like going to park because I don't have any direct devices for playing games such as the videos from Nintendo or PSP from Sony.

✓ Yeah, I liked going to the park because I didn't have any electronic devices for playing games such as those from Nintendo or the PSP from Sony.

The student omitted the definite article 'the' before 'park' and used present tense while referring to childhood, which requires past tense. Also 'direct devices' is incorrect: use 'electronic devices' and 'the videos' should be 'those' or 'games from'. Use 'the PSP' and past tense consistency ('liked', 'didn't have'). Suggestions: use 'the' with single countable nouns when referring to a specific place (the park) and match past tense when talking about childhood.

× So why What I can do was just going to park and meet my friends and then play soccer.

✓ So what I could do was just go to the park, meet my friends, and then play soccer.

This sentence has word order and verb form errors. 'Why What I can do was' is ungrammatical; use 'what I could do was' for past ability. Use infinitive 'go' after 'was' in this construction, not '-ing'. Add 'the' before 'park' and use parallel structure 'meet... and play...'. Suggestions: use 'what I could do was' + base verb and maintain parallel verbs.

× Yeah, I like, I like going to park too.

✓ Yeah, I like going to the park too.

Omitted the definite article 'the' before 'park'. When speaking about parks in general or a habitual action of going to a specific place, say 'the park'. Suggestion: include 'the' with 'park' here.

× Now actually in in my holidays I go to park by walking.

✓ Now, actually on my holidays I go to the park on foot.

Use preposition 'on' with 'holidays' and the expression 'on foot' is more natural than 'by walking'. Also add 'the' before 'park'. Suggestion: 'on my holidays I go to the park on foot' for natural present habitual description.

× Actually I like working. So go parks and sitting and reading books or going to going along with the river to see some landscapes.

✓ Actually I like walking, so I go to parks to sit and read books or walk along the river to see the scenery.

Original mixes verb forms and has missing articles/prepositions. 'I like working' likely intended 'walking'. Use infinitive 'to sit' and base verb forms for parallel items. 'Going to going along' is redundant; use 'walk along the river'. Use 'the scenery' instead of 'some landscapes'. Suggestion: keep parallel structure and correct verb choices ('walking', 'sit and read', 'walk along the river').

× Yeah, I want to explore my city to find some places such as park stores or also actually I moved to Tokyo here on this year, so I'm not familiar with this city.

✓ Yeah, I want to explore my city to find places such as parks or stores. Actually, I moved to Tokyo this year, so I'm not familiar with the city.

'Park stores' is unclear; separate 'parks or stores'. Remove 'on' before 'this year' and use 'this year' without 'on'. Use 'the city' for reference to Tokyo. Streamline 'also actually' to 'actually'. Suggestion: use clear nouns and correct time expressions ('moved to Tokyo this year').

× So I I'm now enjoying to exploring.

✓ So I'm now enjoying exploring.

After 'enjoy', use the gerund (exploring), not the infinitive with 'to'. Remove the extra 'to'. Suggestion: use 'enjoy' + verb-ing.

× Yeah, now I'm thinking of Future Seas, which is located on the middle of Tokyo.

✓ Yeah, now I'm thinking of Future Seas, which is located in the middle of Tokyo.

Use preposition 'in' rather than 'on' with 'the middle' of a city. 'In the middle of Tokyo' is the correct phrase. Suggestion: use 'in the middle of' for location inside an area.

× In Tokyo, it's a rare opportunity to see some green landscapes.

✓ In Tokyo, it's rare to see green spaces.

'A rare opportunity to see some green landscapes' is wordy and slightly off; 'rare to see green spaces' is more natural. 'Landscapes' is not typically described as 'green landscapes' in this context; 'green spaces' or 'green areas' fits better. Suggestion: use natural collocations like 'green spaces'.

× Vertex has many trees, so I can see it easily and make me refresh.

✓ Yoyogi Park has many trees, so I can relax and feel refreshed when I go there.

Several issues: 'Vertex' is unclear (possibly a place name mistake), 'so I can see it easily' is odd—trees aren't 'seen easily' as a benefit—use 'so I can relax and feel refreshed'. 'Make me refresh' is ungrammatical; use 'feel refreshed'. Also use 'go there' to refer to the park. Suggestion: use appropriate place name, natural verbs ('relax', 'feel refreshed') and correct pronouns ('there').