Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Reduce repetition, remove hesitations and produce a clear topic sentence followed by one or two specific supporting details. Use linking words (for example, "because" or "and") to make the answer coherent and keep to 3–4 concise sentences.

例: Yes, I loved going to parks as a child because they were a place where my friends and I could play freely. For example, we often played hide-and-seek and football, and sometimes we had picnics after school. Those afternoons are some of my most memorable childhood moments.

提案: Avoid long, run-on sentences and unnecessary repetition. Start with a clear topic sentence, then add one or two specific reasons using linking words (e.g., "because", "and", "also"). Keep it within 3–4 sentences and give concrete examples of activities.

例: Yes, I still enjoy going to parks because they make me feel nostalgic and relaxed. I often go for a jog or practice yoga there, and I also like observing how the park has changed since my childhood. These visits help me unwind after a busy day.

提案: Improve grammar and clarity: avoid contradictory phrases (e.g., "I don't believe the parks can be a quite a peaceful place") and choose precise vocabulary. Make one clear point about why more parks are needed, then support it with specific examples and a linking word.

例: Yes, I would like to see more parks in my city because they provide peaceful spaces for relaxation and exercise. For example, new parks would give residents places to meet friends, play sports, or work outdoors, which is especially important in areas that lack communal spaces.

提案: Remove hesitations and correct grammar (singular/plural agreement). Give a concise topic sentence about the type of park you want to visit and add one or two specific features you value, using linking words like "because" or "for example."

例: Yes, in the future I would like to visit large, well-equipped parks because they offer space for exercise and places to work outdoors. For instance, a park with running paths, outdoor gym equipment, picnic areas and free Wi‑Fi would be ideal for meeting friends and staying active.

× Yes, I loved going parks as a child.

✓ Yes, I loved going to parks as a child.

The verb 'going' commonly requires the preposition 'to' before a destination. Omission of 'to' is a preposition error. Use 'going to parks' to show movement toward a place.

× I used to hang out with my friends and we often used to play hide and seek and football.

✓ I used to hang out with my friends and we often played hide-and-seek and football.

The expression 'used to' already indicates past habitual action, so repeating 'used to' before 'play' is redundant. Also, 'hide and seek' is typically hyphenated as 'hide-and-seek'. Use simple past 'played' after 'often' when referring to past habits.

× Uh, I loved my uh, I used to love going parks because it was a, uh, quite memorable time for me and my friends.

✓ I used to love going to parks because it was a quite memorable time for me and my friends.

Again, 'going' needs the preposition 'to' before 'parks'. Remove redundant fragments like 'I loved my uh' and keep the sentence concise. 'A quite memorable time' is acceptable though 'quite a memorable time' is more natural.

× We used to spend times and we used to love hanging out with each.

✓ We used to spend time and we used to love hanging out with each other.

'Spend time' is the correct collocation (not 'spend times'). 'Each' is incomplete; the reflexive phrase 'each other' is required to indicate mutual action. This corrects quantifier and pronoun usage.

× Yes, I do still like going to parks now because I feel a little nostalgic going around the park and reminiscing about the time I had during my childhood and I can also see the changes there has been in the parks during my childhood and now I do go to parks now to do some exercise like jogging and yoga and I also go to the park.

✓ Yes, I still like going to parks now because I feel a little nostalgic walking around the park and reminiscing about the times I had during my childhood, and I can also see the changes that have happened in the parks since my childhood. Now I go to parks to exercise, like jogging and doing yoga.

Multiple issues: 'going around the park' is better expressed as 'walking around the park' (verb choice). 'The time I had during my childhood' -> 'the times I had during my childhood' or 'my childhood' (plural needed). 'There has been' is incorrect here; use 'that have happened' or 'that have occurred' to refer to changes, and match plural 'changes' with 'have'. Repetition 'do go to parks now' is redundant; simplify to 'Now I go to parks to exercise.' Also 'do some exercise like jogging and yoga' -> 'exercise, like jogging and doing yoga' for parallel structure.

× Yes, I would like to see more parks in my city because I don't believe the parks can be a quite a peaceful place for people to hang out.

✓ Yes, I would like to see more parks in my city because I believe parks can be a very peaceful place for people to hang out.

The original contains a double negative-ish phrasing 'don't believe' and 'can be a quite a peaceful' which is awkward. Removing 'don't' and rephrasing clarifies intent. Also 'a quite a' duplicates the article; use 'a very' or 'quite a'. This fixes pronoun/word choice and article redundancy.

× It can be a way that people can do their exercise or play with their friends or even do their works in a peaceful community.

✓ They can be places where people can exercise, play with friends, or even do their work in a peaceful setting.

Use plural 'they' or 'parks' to match subject; 'a way that people can do their exercise' is awkward—use 'places where people can exercise'. 'Do their works' is incorrect; use 'do their work' or 'work'. Also prefer 'peaceful setting' or 'peaceful community' for natural phrasing.

× So I do believe there will be more parks in my city because there isn't much places to hang out.

✓ So I do believe there will be more parks in my city because there aren't many places to hang out.

'There isn't much places' has subject-verb agreement and quantifier errors. 'Places' is plural so use 'aren't'. Use 'many' for countable plural nouns ('places'), not 'much'.

× Yes, there are parks I want to go in go to in my future.

✓ Yes, there are parks I want to go to in the future.

Redundant words 'in go to' should be removed. Use 'go to' after 'want to go to'. 'In my future' is less natural than 'in the future'.

× I I would like to go to the park where there are more equipments and facilities where I could do my work or do exercise or meet with my friends.

✓ I would like to go to parks that have more equipment and facilities where I can work, exercise, or meet my friends.

'Equipments' is uncountable: use 'equipment'. Use 'parks that have' rather than 'the park where there are more equipments'. Use 'can' for present/future ability and parallel verbs 'work, exercise, or meet'.

× The park which are more large and quite spacious and which can fit in every facilities that I mentioned.

✓ Parks that are larger and quite spacious and that can accommodate all the facilities I mentioned.

'Which are more large' is incorrect word order; use 'larger'. 'Fit in every facilities' has article and verb issues—use 'accommodate all the facilities'. 'Facilities' is plural so 'every' is inappropriate; use 'all'.