Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be direct and concise: start with a clear topic sentence about whether you liked parks, then give one or two specific supporting details. Reduce repetition and fix grammar (tense and articles). Use linking words like 'because' or 'so' to connect ideas.

例: Not really. When I was a child I preferred playing computer games because my father bought me a PC for my birthday. As a result, I spent most of my free time indoors rather than visiting parks.

提案: Answer clearly with one main point and clarify the reason. Avoid unclear comparisons and filler words. Use simple linking phrases like 'because' or 'now' to show change over time and give a concrete detail (how often, what activity).

例: Yes, I do. Nowadays I often go to the park in the evenings for a 30-minute walk because I want to stay fit, whereas as a child I preferred staying at home.

提案: Start with a clear opinion then give specific reasons and a realistic suggestion. Avoid repeating phrases. Use linking words like 'because' and 'so' and provide a concrete example (where new parks could be built or what features they should have).

例: Yes, I would. The existing parks are often too crowded for comfortable exercise, so I think the local government should build more small parks in residential areas to give people private, less crowded spaces for walking and exercising.

提案: Be specific and logical: name the type of park you mean and explain why in one or two sentences. Avoid unrelated or unclear words (e.g., 'Jewelers' seems irrelevant). Use linking words like 'because' and mention when or with whom you might go.

例: Yes, I would like to visit a large amusement park, such as a theme park with roller coasters, because I enjoy rides and it would be a fun day out with friends or family next summer.

× To be honest, I don't like to go to parks for the views instead when I was a child I I still remember my father bought me a PC on my birthday, so I got a keen interest in gaming and video games instead of going to park.

✓ To be honest, I don't like going to parks for the views. When I was a child, I still remember my father bought me a PC for my birthday, so I became very interested in gaming and video games instead of going to parks.

This sentence has multiple structure and form issues (Grammar Problem Type ID 26). It is run-on and mixes tenses and forms. Split into two sentences to improve clarity; use 'don't like going to' (gerund) for general dislike; add comma after introductory clause 'When I was a child'; change 'on my birthday' to 'for my birthday' (more natural); use 'became very interested' (past tense change) and 'going to parks' (plural and parallel form).

× I guess now I like to go to park for my evening walk and to make my body fit unless, uh, as I compared to my early 80s, my mindset has been changed to my uh, according to my body.

✓ I guess now I like going to the park for my evening walk to keep my body fit. Compared to my early twenties, my mindset has changed according to my body's needs.

This contains incorrect verb forms and awkward phrases (Grammar Problem Type ID 8). Use 'like going to' (gerund) and 'the park' for a specific activity. 'To make my body fit' is unnatural; use 'to keep my body fit.' The latter clause is confusing: replace 'as I compared to my early 80s' with 'Compared to my early twenties' (assuming age intended) and use 'my mindset has changed' (present perfect) and 'according to my body's needs' for clarity.

× Yes, I would like to request to my government that I would that parks should be established in my cities because the parks are too crowded to walk or exercise because I am also shy to exercise in front of everyone. So I request the government to introduce new parks.

✓ Yes, I would like to ask my government to establish parks in my city because the existing parks are too crowded to walk or exercise in, and I feel shy exercising in front of others. Therefore, I request the government to create new parks.

Errors include article and article usage and awkward phrasing (Grammar Problem Type ID 22). Use 'ask my government' not 'request to my government.' Use singular 'my city' if speaking of one city. Use 'the existing parks' to refer to current parks and include 'in' after 'exercise in.' Replace 'shy to exercise' with 'feel shy exercising' for correct verb pattern.

× Uh, yes, I would like to go on a tour of amusement parks where there are a large amount of Jewelers, so I want to try one of them.

✓ Yes, I would like to visit amusement parks where there are a large number of jewelers, so I want to try one of them.

This has singular/plural and quantifier problems (Grammar Problem Type ID 1). Use 'a large number of' (not 'amount') for countable nouns like 'jewelers.' Also use lowercase 'jewelers.' 'Visit' is more natural than 'go on a tour of' in this context.