Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more grammatically accurate, concise and use clearer past-tense narration. Start with a direct topic sentence, then add one or two specific supporting details using linking words. Avoid fillers like “HMM” and unclear phrases.

例: Yes. I loved going to the local park with my grandmother when I was a child. She took me there every morning, which helped me meet many different people and improve my communication skills. As a result, I made many close friends and have fond memories of playing games on the grass.

提案: Use correct sentence structure and smoother linking words. Keep responses within 3–4 clear sentences. Correct verb forms and remove repetition (e.g., multiple “moreover”). Add a brief specific example of what you do there.

例: Definitely. As a dietitian I try to stay active, so I walk in the park most mornings to clear my mind and exercise. I often meet two friends there and we chat while we walk, which makes the workout enjoyable. The park is also very close to my home, so it is convenient.

提案: Provide a clear topic sentence and use linking words for reasons and results. Correct noun forms and articles (e.g., 'high-rise buildings', 'the outskirts'). Be specific about why parks are needed and how they would help people.

例: Yes. I would like to see more parks because the city has become very overcrowded and many green areas have been replaced by high-rise buildings and shopping malls. As a result, residents lack space for daily exercise and relaxation, and some families are moving to the outskirts. New parks would improve people’s health and the overall quality of urban life.

提案: Avoid fillers (“umm”, “uh”) and complete your final sentence. Use precise vocabulary (e.g., 'videos', 'endangered species', 'conservation'). Give one specific aspect you want to learn about. Keep it to 2–3 sentences.

例: Yes. I would like to visit Nature Park in Gujarat because I have seen several videos showing its programs for conserving endangered species and caring for rescued hybrid cats. I especially want to learn about their breeding and rehabilitation methods and how they educate visitors about conservation.

× I enjoy visiting the park in my nearby area, especially with my grandmother.

✓ I enjoyed visiting the park in my neighborhood when I was a child, especially with my grandmother.

The examiner asked about the past (as a child), so the verb should be in past tense. Also 'nearby area' is unnatural; 'neighborhood' is better. Use past tense 'enjoyed' to match the time reference.

× She used to take me daily to a morning walk and also introduced me lots of new people so that I able to develop my communication skill.

✓ She used to take me for a walk every morning and also introduced me to lots of new people so that I was able to develop my communication skills.

Corrections: 'take me to a morning walk' is unidiomatic — use 'take me for a walk every morning'. Add preposition 'to' with 'introduced me to'. 'I able' needs auxiliary 'was able' for past ability. 'communication skill' should be plural 'communication skills' for general ability.

× Moreover, I got lots of friends there and I had a memorable HMM happening over there.

✓ Moreover, I made a lot of friends there and had a memorable time there.

Use 'made a lot of friends' rather than 'got lots of friends'. 'HMM' is unclear; likely 'moment' or 'time' — 'memorable time' is idiomatic. Remove redundant 'there' repetition. Use consistent past tense.

× Definitely yes.

✓ Definitely, yes.

Add a comma for natural speech punctuation. The phrase is fine but should be linked to following sentence context; no tense change needed here.

× Being a dietitian I practice what I preach and going to park is one of the most amazing way for me to unwind my mind.

✓ As a dietitian, I practice what I preach, and going to the park is one of the best ways for me to unwind.

'Being a dietitian' is better as 'As a dietitian'. 'going to park' needs the definite article 'the park'. 'one of the most amazing way' should be 'one of the best ways' to match plural 'one of the ... ways'. 'unwind my mind' is better shortened to 'unwind'.

× Moreover, I get a couple of friends over there to with whom I chit chat during my exercise and moreover park is quite near to my area so it.

✓ Moreover, I meet a couple of friends there with whom I chit-chat during my exercise, and the park is quite near my area.

Use 'meet' instead of 'get' for meeting people. Remove redundant 'to' after 'there'. 'with whom I chit chat' is correct order; add hyphen 'chit-chat' optional. 'park is quite near to my area' should be 'near my area' or 'near my house'; remove trailing 'so it' which is incomplete.

× Yes, my city is quite overcrowded now.

✓ Yes, my city is quite overcrowded now.

Sentence is grammatically correct and matches present reference; no change needed.

× Most of the green space is totally consumed by high riser buildings, skyscrapers and new mega market.

✓ Most of the green space has been consumed by high-rise buildings, skyscrapers, and new mega markets.

Use 'high-rise' (hyphen) and plural 'mega markets' or 'mega-markets'. 'is totally consumed' is awkward for completed action; 'has been consumed' fits current state. Use commas for list.

× People are looking for the green space to do daily exercise.

✓ People are looking for green spaces to do daily exercise.

Use plural 'green spaces' to match 'people' and remove definite article 'the'. 'daily exercise' is fine.

× That's why they're also shifting to the outskirt of city.

✓ That's why they're also moving to the outskirts of the city.

Use 'moving' or 'shifting' both possible; 'outskirts' plural and include 'the city'. 'shifting to the outskirt of city' is ungrammatical.

× I really hopeful for the new places.

✓ I am really hopeful about the new places.

Add verb 'am' to form present tense 'I am really hopeful'. Use preposition 'about' rather than no preposition.

× I really want to explore Nature's Park which is situated in Gujarat.

✓ I really want to explore Nature's Park, which is located in Gujarat.

'Situated in' is acceptable but 'located in' is more natural here. Add comma before the non-restrictive clause. Tense and meaning are fine.

× I saw many video of this park umm, as it is preserving lots of endangered species and also taking care of hybrid cats.

✓ I saw many videos of this park, as it preserves many endangered species and also cares for hybrid cats.

Use plural 'videos'. For general facts use simple present 'preserves' and 'cares for' instead of progressive forms. 'lots of' -> 'many' for formality.

× It has become, uh, an emerging tourist point and I really want to explore that to learn about the way they take care of the.

✓ It has become an emerging tourist attraction, and I really want to visit it to learn how they take care of the animals.

Replace 'tourist point' with 'tourist attraction'. 'Explore that' is vague — 'visit it'. 'to learn about the way they take care of the' is incomplete; finish with 'the animals'. Use 'how they take care of' rather than 'the way they take care of' for conciseness.