Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Improve grammar and fluency: use past tense consistently (e.g., "I didn’t like going to the park"), avoid fillers and repetitions, and make a clear topic sentence followed by 1–2 specific supporting details. Keep it within 3–4 sentences. Add linking words (e.g., "because", "so") to connect ideas.

例: I didn’t like going to the park when I was a child because I found it boring. My family would visit to play cards and eat snacks, but there were no activities for kids. So I usually left early or preferred other places to play.

提案: Work on grammar and conciseness: use present simple and correct verb forms (e.g., "it connects you to nature"). Use 2–3 specific details and one linking phrase to explain why you like parks now. Reduce listing without connectors.

例: Yes, I do. Now that I’m busy with work, I find parks a great place to relax because they connect me to nature. I enjoy breathing fresh air, seeing trees and flowers, and listening to birds, which helps me feel refreshed.

提案: Improve accuracy and word choice: correct comparative forms ("more parks", "cleaner", "fresher"). Make a clear topic sentence and give 2 concrete benefits with linking words (e.g., "because", "so"). Avoid repeating words like "air" and "yourself."

例: Yes, I would like more parks in my city because more parks make the city cleaner and the air fresher. They also reduce pollution and give people more space to relax and exercise.

提案: Be specific and correct nouns: say the name or type clearly ("a botanical garden" or "a plant park"). Use clearer comparisons and reduce hesitations. Provide one specific reason and one example of what you’d do there. Keep it concise and grammatically correct.

例: I want to visit a botanical garden because I enjoy being surrounded by plants and wildlife. For example, I would spend time walking among the greenhouses, photographing rare flowers, and listening to birds to feel closer to nature.

× Actually, when I was a child, I don't like go to the park 'cause I think the park is so boring.

✓ Actually, when I was a child, I didn't like going to the park because I thought the park was so boring.

The sentence mixes past and present tense. Use past tense consistently when talking about childhood: 'don't like' -> 'didn't like'. The verb 'go' after 'like' requires the -ing form: 'like going'. Also use 'because' instead of informal ' 'cause' and align 'think' to past 'thought' and 'is' to past 'was'. Suggestion: Keep the past tense throughout and use gerund after 'like'.

× Uh, I always go to the park with my family and they will play some cards, uh, eating some snacks and just relaxing, sitting on the glasses.

✓ I always went to the park with my family and we played cards, ate some snacks and just relaxed, sitting on the grass.

Talking about habitual actions in the past requires past tense: 'always go' -> 'always went'. 'They will play' is incorrect for past habit; use 'we played' or 'they played'. 'Eating' should match past narrative 'ate'. 'Sitting on the glasses' is incorrect vocabulary and plural; 'grass' is correct. Also replace 'they' with 'we' if the speaker was with family. Suggestion: Use past simple for past habits and correct nouns ('grass').

× I think it's so boring for children, for a child, so, umm, whenever.

✓ I think it was so boring for children, including me, so I didn't enjoy it.

The original mixes tenses and has unclear phrasing 'so, umm, whenever'. Use past tense 'was' to describe past opinion. Clarify 'for a child' by saying 'including me' and provide a clear result clause ('so I didn't enjoy it'). Suggestion: Make the sentence concise and consistent in tense.

× Yeah, when I work these days, I feel like park is the best place to relax yourself 'cause it's connect you to the nature and you can breathe some fresh air and see a lot of growing trees and green grasses and some flowers, the birds, fishes.

✓ Yeah, when I work these days, I feel like the park is the best place to relax because it connects you to nature and you can breathe fresh air and see many growing trees, green grass, flowers, birds, and fish.

Several present-tense errors: use definite article 'the park'. 'It's connect' should be 'it connects' (third person singular). 'To the nature' should be 'to nature' (no article). 'Breathe some fresh air' -> 'breathe fresh air'. 'Green grasses' -> 'green grass' is uncountable or 'many grasses' unnatural; list nouns correctly. 'Fishes' usually 'fish' when listing species in general. Suggestion: Use correct subject-verb agreement, articles, and noun forms in present tense descriptions.

× I love to see more parks in my city 'cause you know, uh, the more park you have, the city is more clean and the air is more fresher and uh, it can clean the pollution and the air so people have a, a more space to relax yourself.

✓ I would love to see more parks in my city because, the more parks you have, the cleaner the city is and the fresher the air is, and they can reduce pollution so people have more space to relax.

Quantifier and article issues: 'the more park you have' should be 'the more parks you have'. 'The city is more clean' -> comparative 'cleaner'. 'The air is more fresher' is incorrect double comparative; use 'fresher'. 'It can clean the pollution and the air' is unclear; 'they can reduce pollution' (parks reduce pollution). 'Have a more space' -> 'have more space'. 'Relax yourself' -> 'relax' or 'relax themselves'. Suggestion: Use plural for countable nouns, avoid double comparatives, and match pronouns number.

× I want to go to the plant park 'cause I really like to put myself in the nature 'cause you know, uh, in the city we always stay in the buildings and everything you touch is cold and no lives.

✓ I want to go to the plant park because I really like to immerse myself in nature; in the city we are always inside buildings and everything you touch feels cold and lifeless.

Verb and phrase choices: 'put myself in the nature' is unnatural; use 'immerse myself in nature' or 'be in nature'. 'We always stay in the buildings' -> 'we are always inside buildings'. 'No lives' is ungrammatical; use 'lifeless' or 'there is no life'. Maintain present tense for a future desire ('I want to go' is fine) but use appropriate verbs and adjectives. Suggestion: Use natural collocations ('immerse in nature', 'lifeless').

× But if you go to the park, you can see some live.

✓ But if you go to the park, you can see some life.

'Live' is an adjective or verb; the noun intended is 'life'. Use 'life' to mean living things or liveliness. Alternatively, 'you can see some living things' would be acceptable. Suggestion: Choose the correct part of speech; use 'life' or 'living things' depending on meaning.