Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Câu trả lời đã nêu ý chính và có chi tiết hỗ trợ, nhưng có lỗi ngữ pháp (thời của động từ), một vài cụm từ lặp và câu hơi dài, cần dùng linking words hợp lý và chia câu để tự nhiên hơn. Hãy sửa thì (I loved), tránh lặp từ, và tách thành 2 câu ngắn theo cấu trúc topic sentence + supporting detail.

例: I loved going to parks as a child because they had plenty of play equipment, such as swings and slides. Also, parks were ideal places to meet new friends, so I often spent long, memorable afternoons there.

提案: Ý trả lời rõ ràng nhưng có nhiều lỗi ngữ pháp (thì, số ít/đại từ), lặp từ và thiếu linking words. Nên dùng thì đúng (I still love ... because there is/they are), sửa cấu trúc câu, rút gọn để tối đa 3-4 câu, thêm ví dụ cụ thể về hoạt động bạn làm ở công viên.

例: Yes, I still enjoy going to parks because they offer fresh air and a quiet place to unwind. For example, I often go there to take a short walk or sit on a bench and read after a long day of studying.

提案: Ý tốt nhưng sử dụng thì và động từ không đúng (enjoy -> enjoyS, if there are), lặp từ (if if if), quá nhiều ý nối vào một câu dài. Hãy cấu trúc rõ: topic sentence + 1–2 cụ thể lý do, dùng linking words như 'because' và 'so'.

例: Yes, I would love to see more parks in my city because they provide spaces where I can relax and meet friends. For instance, with more parks I could go jogging in the morning or have picnics on weekends.

提案: Ý rõ ràng và có cảm xúc, nhưng có lỗi ngữ pháp và dùng từ (one time, create a lot of memorable memory). Nên dùng cấu trúc 'I'd like to visit...' hoặc 'I hope to visit...', sửa cụm từ thành 'memorable memories' và dùng linking word 'because' hợp lý.

例: I'd like to visit Kingdom Park because it has many adventurous rides, such as roller coasters, which seem scary but exciting. I think visiting there would create many memorable experiences for me.

× I love going to parks when I was a child because there was plenty of play equipment like swings and slides, and it was an ideal place to meet new friends.

✓ I loved going to parks when I was a child because there was plenty of play equipment like swings and slides, and it was an ideal place to meet new friends.

The speaker refers to a past time (childhood) but uses the present tense 'love'. Use past simple 'loved' to match the time reference. Suggestion: use past tense verbs for actions or states that happened in the past (e.g., 'I loved').

× And even now, so long afternoons at the park comes to my mind first when I think about my childhood.

✓ And even now, long afternoons at the park come to my mind first when I think about my childhood.

'so long afternoons' is ungrammatical and 'comes' does not agree with plural 'afternoons'. Remove 'so' and use 'long afternoons' and plural verb 'come'. Also place words in normal order. Suggestion: ensure noun phrase is correct and subject-verb agreement matches (plural subject → plural verb).

× MMM Even now I still love going to the park because there was a place that have fresh air that I can go for a walk or just relaxing for me for just relaxing a little bit after a long day of studying and working.

✓ Even now I still love going to the park because there is a place with fresh air where I can go for a walk or just relax a little bit after a long day of studying and working.

Sentence mixes past 'was' with present meaning 'even now', and uses incorrect verb forms 'have' and 'relaxing'. Use present 'is', change 'have' to 'has' if referring to singular 'place' but better: 'a place with fresh air', and change gerund 'relaxing' to base form 'relax' after 'just'. Suggestion: keep tenses consistent and use correct clause connectors (where) and verb forms.

× I'm a person who really enjoy going to the park so if if if there any more parks in my city I would really happy and exciting because I have a place to relax or chill with my friends after a hard day of working and studying and I can do exercise there.

✓ I'm a person who really enjoys going to the park, so if there were any more parks in my city I would be really happy and excited because I would have places to relax or chill with my friends after a hard day of work and study, and I could exercise there.

Multiple issues: subject-verb agreement 'who really enjoy' should be 'enjoys'; repetition 'if if if' removed; conditional requires past subjunctive 'if there were'; missing 'be' in 'would be really happy'; 'exciting' is incorrect for feeling, use 'excited'; 'a place' should be plural 'places' to match 'more parks'; 'working and studying' better as nouns 'work and study'; 'can' to 'could' in conditional. Suggestion: correct subject-verb agreement, form the conditional properly, use appropriate adjectives and noun forms.

× I wish I could go to the Kingdom park one time because of there are many adventure games like roller coaster which is a little bit scary but interesting to try one time in my life.

✓ I wish I could go to Kingdom Park once because there are many adventurous rides like roller coasters which are a little bit scary but interesting to try at least once in my life.

Change 'one time' to 'once' for naturalness; 'because of there are' is incorrect — use 'because there are'; 'adventure games' wrong collocation, use 'adventurous rides'; 'roller coaster' plural 'roller coasters' and verb agreement 'are'; 'to try one time' awkward — use 'to try at least once'. Suggestion: use correct collocations and ensure subject-verb agreement and natural adverbial phrases.

× I think I will create a a lot of memorable memory here.

✓ I think I will create a lot of memorable moments here.

Duplicate 'a a' removed; 'memorable memory' is redundant—memory is implied by memorable; use 'memorable moments' or 'many memories'. Suggestion: avoid redundancy and choose plural nouns for multiple events.