Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be direct and concise: start with a clear topic sentence, then give 1–2 specific supporting details using correct tense and linking words. Reduce redundancy and correct grammar (past tense for childhood).

例: Yes, I loved going to parks as a child. In the evenings my family and I would go there to play cricket and listen to music together, and sometimes my friends joined us for games.

提案: Use correct tense (present for current habits) and a clear topic sentence. Limit to 3–4 short sentences, use linking words (for example, and, also, because) and give specific examples of activities and reasons.

例: Yes, I still enjoy going to parks, especially in the evenings when I am free from work or study. I often go with my friend Aman; we play cricket, listen to music, and talk about our future plans and daily routines.

提案: Answer directly with a clear opinion, then support it with 1–2 reasons using linking words (because, therefore). Avoid filler words and incomplete sentences.

例: I don't think we need more parks in my city because there are already two or three large parks that meet most people's needs. However, it would be good to improve facilities in existing parks, for example by adding benches and better lighting.

提案: Be specific: state whether you plan to visit parks, then name a specific place and explain why using clear reasons and correct vocabulary. Keep to 2–3 sentences and correct place names and prepositions.

例: I don't have specific plans to visit local parks, but I would like to visit the Hanuman temple area in Manali in the future. I have seen it in movies and travel vlogs and it looks beautiful, so I hope to experience its gardens and mountain scenery in person.

× Yes, definitely in that time of evening I am plan to pass through the my family and my friends and we play together there with different we also doing different activities like playing cricket, listen music.

✓ Yes, definitely at that time in the evening I used to meet my family and friends and we would play together and do different activities like playing cricket and listening to music.

The sentence mixes present progressive and past habits. The context asks about childhood (past), so use past habitual forms: 'used to' or 'would' + base verb. Correct prepositions: 'at that time in the evening'. Remove extra articles: 'the my family' -> 'my family'. Parallel verbs require gerund after 'doing' and 'listening to music' uses gerund phrase. Also reorder for natural flow.

× Yes, definitely in the time of evening when I was free from my studies and work. At that time I go to park with my friend Aman and we listen music, we also play cricket.

✓ Yes, definitely in the evenings when I was free from my studies and work, I went to the park with my friend Aman, and we listened to music; we also played cricket.

The response refers to past routine, so verbs should be in past tense ('went', 'listened', 'played') rather than present simple. Use plural/time expression 'in the evenings' for habitual past. Add article 'the park' and preposition 'to' after 'listen' -> 'listened to music'.

× We also work together and talk about our future and we also talk about our daily routine, lifestyle as was really experience. Good.

✓ We also worked together and talked about our future, daily routines, and lifestyles; it was a really good experience.

Sentence mixes present and past and has poor structure. Maintain past tense ('worked', 'talked'). Combine similar items with commas and correct noun forms ('daily routines', 'lifestyles'). 'as was really experience. Good.' is ungrammatical — replace with 'it was a really good experience.' for clarity and correctness.

× Well, in my city there are already two or three big parks are exist, so I don't think there's any need to build new parks in my city. So well it's.

✓ Well, in my city there are already two or three big parks, so I don't think there's any need to build new parks here.

The original duplicates 'are' and uses 'are exist' which is incorrect; use 'there are' + noun phrase. Avoid repeating 'in my city' twice; 'here' suffices. Remove trailing incomplete fragment 'So well it's.' which is unnecessary.

× Well there is no as much planning to visit any park in future but I would like to visit Manali Hanimba temple which is my favorite location.

✓ Well, there isn't much planning to visit any park in the future, but I would like to visit the Manali Hadimba Temple, which is my favorite place.

Use 'there isn't much' instead of 'no as much'. Add article 'the' before a specific place name 'the Manali Hadimba Temple'. Use 'in the future' with article. 'Location' is better as 'place' in this context.

× I already see that location in in many movies and also I have watched a lot of vlogs in YouTube.

✓ I have already seen that place in many movies, and I have also watched a lot of vlogs on YouTube.

Use present perfect 'have seen' to indicate past experiences. Remove duplicate 'in in'. Use 'on YouTube' instead of 'in YouTube'. 'Location' -> 'place' is more natural. Maintain parallel 'have already seen' and 'have ... watched'.

× So I would like to go Manali hitting by temple park.

✓ So I would like to visit Manali to see the Hadimba Temple and its surrounding park.

Original is ungrammatical and uses incorrect word order and words ('hitting by'). Use 'visit' and 'to see' and proper name 'Hadimba Temple'. Specify 'surrounding park' if intended. Ensure correct prepositions and word order.