Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Câu trả lời tự nhiên nhưng có lỗi lặp và một số thông tin không rõ ràng (ví dụ ‘and mother’ không phù hợp). Nên mở đầu trực tiếp với ý chính, tránh lặp từ, và cung cấp một hoặc hai chi tiết cụ thể hơn về hoạt động bạn thích. Dùng liên từ hợp lý để mạch lạc hơn.

例: I loved going to parks as a child because there were many playgrounds with slides and swings. I often met new friends there, and we spent hours playing tag and building sandcastles, which was always fun.

提案: Trả lời có nội dung rõ ràng nhưng có lỗi lặp ("after school after school") và bắt đầu bằng tiếng lắp ("MMM"). Nên trả lời trực tiếp hiện tại trước (Yes/No + reason), tránh lặp, và sử dụng liên từ để nối ý (e.g., however, therefore). Cố gắng giữ tối đa 3-4 câu ngắn gọn.

例: I still enjoy going to parks, but I rarely have time during the week because of heavy schoolwork. However, I try to visit on weekends for a short walk to relax and clear my mind.

提案: Ý tưởng rõ ràng và hợp lý, nhưng có lỗi chính tả ('parts' thay vì 'parks') và câu hơi dài. Nên bắt đầu bằng câu chủ đề ngắn, sau đó nêu 1–2 lý do cụ thể và dùng liên từ để giữ mạch. Thêm ví dụ cụ thể (ví dụ: nơi tập thể dục, khu vui chơi cho trẻ em).

例: Yes, I would like more parks in my city because they provide fresh air and green space. For example, additional parks could offer jogging paths and playgrounds where families can exercise and have picnics.

提案: Ý chính tốt nhưng có nhiều lỗi ngữ pháp và từ sai (ví dụ 'It's past various adventure games', 'that's a bit scary', 'adrenaline pumping' cần hyphen). Nên dùng cấu trúc câu đơn giản, sửa lỗi chia động từ và dùng tính từ đúng. Cung cấp một hoặc hai chi tiết cụ thể về lý do muốn đến đó.

例: In the future I would like to visit Kingdom Park because it has many adventure rides and roller coasters. I especially want to try the roller coasters since they look thrilling and would give me an adrenaline rush.

× I really enjoyed going to parks when I was a child because there were many playgrounds and toys like slides and swings and mother.

✓ I really enjoyed going to parks when I was a child because there were many playgrounds and toys like slides and swings, and my mother sometimes came with me.

The student used 'and mother' which is unclear and incorrect. This is a pronoun/noun usage problem: a possessive pronoun ('my') is needed and the sentence requires clarification about the mother's role. Suggestion: use 'my mother' and add a verb phrase (e.g., 'came with me') to make the meaning clear.

× I could make new friends there and we we had a lot of fun playing together.

✓ I could make new friends there, and we had a lot of fun playing together.

The sentence contains a repeated word 'we' and lacks proper punctuation between clauses. This is a sentence structure error. Suggestion: remove the repeated word and add a comma before the coordinating conjunction 'and' to join two independent clauses.

× MMM I used to really enjoy going to the park because it was the best way to relax and clear my mind after school after school.

✓ I used to really enjoy going to the park because it was the best way to relax and clear my mind after school.

The phrase 'after school after school' is a repeated fragment and interrupts tense clarity. This is a present/past tense usage and repetition error. Suggestion: keep a single 'after school' to maintain clear past habitual meaning with 'used to'.

× But now I'm too busy with homework and assignments so I don't have much time but I try to go on weekends for a short walk.

✓ But now I'm too busy with homework and assignments, so I don't have much time; however, I try to go on weekends for a short walk.

The sentence has multiple coordinating conjunctions ('so' and 'but') that make the structure awkward. This is a sentence structure error. Suggestion: use one connector or separate into two sentences; here 'so' followed by a contrasting connector is corrected to '; however,' for clarity.

× Having more parts would provide fresh air and green space, which are often lacking in big cities and other spots for exercises or picnics that help reduce stress.

✓ Having more parks would provide fresh air and green space, which are often lacking in big cities, and other spots for exercise or picnics that help reduce stress.

The sentence uses 'parts' instead of 'parks' (word choice) and 'exercises' instead of the noun 'exercise'. This is an adjective/adverb/word choice error. Suggestion: correct typos to 'parks' and use the uncountable noun 'exercise' or 'areas for exercise'.

× In the future I'd like to visit Kingdom Park.

✓ In the future, I'd like to visit Kingdom Park.

Missing comma after introductory phrase 'In the future' affects flow; modal verb 'would like' is correct. This is a punctuation/clarity issue related to modal usage. Suggestion: add a comma after introductory adverbial phrase for readability.

× It's past various adventure games and touring rides that's a bit scary, which makes them exciting to try.

✓ It has various adventure games and touring rides that are a bit scary, which makes them exciting to try.

'It's past' is incorrect and 'that's' mismatches plural 'rides'. This is a sentence structure and subject-verb agreement issue. Suggestion: use 'It has' to describe the park and match plural noun with plural relative pronoun and verb: 'rides that are'.

× And especially I want to try the roller coasters because they seem adrenaline pumping.

✓ I especially want to try the roller coasters because they seem adrenaline-pumping.

The phrase 'adrenaline pumping' should be hyphenated as a compound adjective before a noun or use 'adrenaline-pumping' after 'seem'. This is an adjective formation issue. Suggestion: use the hyphenated compound adjective 'adrenaline-pumping' or rephrase as 'they seem to be thrilling'.