Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and correct grammar: give one clear topic sentence, then add one or two specific supporting details using correct tense and linking words. Avoid repeating the main idea at the end.

例: Yes, I loved going to the park as a child because it had a large open ground where I could run and play (topic sentence). For example, I often played on the seesaw and swings and climbed the tall trees, which made my afternoons exciting (supporting details).

提案: Correct tense and reduce hesitations; make a clear main sentence and follow with two specific reasons using linking words. Avoid filler words and repeated fragments.

例: Yes, I still enjoy going to parks. As an adult, I go there to relieve stress because I can breathe fresh air and listen to birdsong; for instance, sitting on the grass and smelling the flowers helps me relax after a busy day.

提案: Organize the answer: start with a direct yes/no, then give two clear reasons with linking words and specific examples. Fix grammar (plural/singular, word order) and remove hesitations.

例: Yes, I would like more parks in my city because we currently have very few green spaces. More parks would help adults reduce stress and give children safe places to play; for example, a new community park with playgrounds and benches would improve local air quality and wellbeing.

提案: Be direct and reduce hesitations: state the park name clearly, then give a couple of specific reasons using linking words. Use more precise vocabulary (botanical garden, greenery) and avoid repeating the park name unnecessarily.

例: In the future, I would like to visit Godavari Park because it is close to my home and is also a botanical garden. It has many flower beds and rich greenery, so I hope to go there to enjoy the plants and take photographs.

× The huge ground I can play around and run, the seesaw, the swinging and the big, big trees.

✓ The huge grounds where I could run and play, the seesaw, the swings and the big, big trees.

The student uses present simple 'can' while referring to past childhood memories. This is a tense consistency problem (present vs past). Also 'swinging' should be the noun 'swings' and 'ground' should be plural 'grounds' or 'ground' with 'where'. Use past forms and appropriate nouns: 'could' for past ability and plural/specific nouns for playground equipment.

× I used to climb the trees.

✓ I used to climb trees.

While 'I used to climb the trees' is not strictly ungrammatical, English normally omits 'the' when speaking about a general activity during childhood: 'used to climb trees'. The issue relates to article use and subject-verb collocation; removing 'the' sounds more natural.

× Now, as I become an adult, the park is the place for stress relieving.

✓ Now, as I have become an adult, the park is a place for relieving stress.

The student mixes simple present 'become' with present reference. Use present perfect 'have become' to indicate transition to adulthood. 'Stress relieving' should be the noun phrase 'relieving stress' or 'stress relief' for correctness and idiomatic usage.

× I can toss the grass, I can smell the I can touch and smell the grass, feel the fresh air, the chirping sound in the uh, of the the chirping sound of the birds in the.

✓ I can touch and smell the grass, feel the fresh air, and hear the chirping of the birds.

The original sentence has repeated fragments and incorrect preposition 'in the' and awkward verb 'toss the grass'. Use correct verbs 'touch', 'smell', 'hear' and the preposition 'of' with 'chirping' to form 'chirping of the birds'. Remove repetitions and unnecessary fillers.

× His of course I would love to uh, my city doesn't have much park and as an adult it is a great place for living the stress and for the young one it is great place for playing around and the air quality is low for it is a great place for a fresh air so.

✓ Yes, of course I would love to. My city doesn't have many parks, and as an adult it is a great place to relieve stress. For children it is a great place to play, and the air there is fresher.

Multiple errors: 'His' is a mispronunciation of 'Yes' (pronoun error in transcription). 'Much park' should be 'many parks' (quantifier and plural). 'Living the stress' should be 'relieve stress' (verb choice). 'Young one' should be 'children' or 'young ones'. 'A fresh air' is ungrammatical; use 'fresher air' or 'fresh air'. Fix pronouns, quantifiers, and noun forms for grammatical correctness and clarity.

× In future I would love to go to the Godavari Park as it is near to my home.

✓ In the future I would love to go to Godavari Park because it is near my home.

Add article 'the' before 'future' and remove unnecessary 'to' after 'near'. 'Godavari Park' does not need 'the' if used as a proper name; use 'because' for clarity. Tense 'would love' is fine for future desire but include 'the' for natural phrasing.

× Uh, it is a great place as it uh, it's a Botanical Garden as well.

✓ It is a great place; it's a botanical garden as well.

'Botanical Garden' should not be capitalized mid-sentence. The repeated filler 'uh' removed. Use lowercase for common noun 'botanical garden' unless part of a proper name. Also punctuation adjusted for clarity.

× It has a lot of flowers, greeneries.

✓ It has a lot of flowers and greenery.

'Greeneries' is not a standard plural; use the uncountable noun 'greenery' to refer to plants collectively. Use 'and' to join items. This corrects word choice and pluralization.

× So I would love to go to Godavari Park.

✓ So I would love to go to Godavari Park.

Sentence is already grammatical. No third person singular error. Repeated here for completeness; keep as is.