Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be direct and clear: start with a simple topic sentence stating whether you liked parks, then give one or two specific supporting details. Use correct tense (past) and avoid filler words. Organise ideas with a linking word like “because” or “for example.” Work on pronunciation and sentence grammar (e.g. “I really loved going to parks when I was a child”).

例: I loved going to parks when I was a child because I grew up in the countryside and visiting the city was special. For example, every summer I went with my aunt and cousin to play on the swings and have picnics.

提案: Open with a clear topic sentence (present tense) and then give concise supporting details. Use linking words like “usually” and “for example” appropriately. Check verb forms and sequencing: use present simple for routines and correct gerunds/infinitives (e.g. “I usually sit on a bench and read a book while listening to music”). Reduce repetition and long run-on sentences.

例: Yes, I still enjoy going to parks. I usually go in my free time to relax; for example, I often sit on a bench, read a book and listen to music to enjoy the peaceful atmosphere.

提案: Answer directly (Yes/No), then explain one clear reason using correct grammar and vocabulary. Avoid unclear place names or extra words. Use linking words like “because” to connect your reason. Be specific about benefits (relaxation, exercise).

例: Yes, I would like to see more parks in my city because they give people a place to relax and exercise. For instance, new parks would help office workers unwind after a long day and families have safe places to spend time together.

提案: Be specific and accurate: name places clearly and use correct nouns (e.g. “theme parks” or specific park names). Structure your answer: start with a topic sentence, then list one or two destinations with brief reasons using linking words like “for example” or “because.” Avoid repetition and unclear terms.

例: Yes, there are several parks and theme parks I want to visit in the future. For example, I would love to visit Shanghai Disneyland and Tokyo Disneyland because I enjoy their rides and themed shows, and I also want to see famous city parks like Central Park in New York for its scenery and cultural events.

× When I will try, I really, really love going to the park because I live in the countryside, so I want to, yeah, I always want to the summer because in summer I can go to the city to go to the park with my aunt and my cousin.

✓ When I was a child, I really loved going to the park because I lived in the countryside. In the summer I could go to the city to visit the park with my aunt and my cousin.

The original uses 'will' incorrectly for past habits and mixes present tense 'love' with past context. Use past tense for past habits ('was', 'loved', 'lived', 'could') and split into clear sentences for coherence. Suggestion: describe past routines using simple past and use 'could' for ability in the past.

× I still like going to the park now I usually go to the park in my free time and after working hard and when I go to the park I still I sat on the bench and reading book while listening to music and enjoy the atmosphere in the park.

✓ I still like going to the park. I usually go in my free time after working hard. When I go to the park, I sit on a bench and read a book while listening to music and enjoy the atmosphere.

The sentence has tense inconsistencies and incorrect verb forms: 'sat' is past but context is present habit, so use present simple 'sit' and 'read'. Also split into shorter sentences and remove duplicate words. Suggestion: for habitual actions use present simple and maintain consistent verb forms.

× Yeah, I really love to see more park in my city and I wish we have to to park in the Detroit so everyone can go there to relax or are to working hard they can to go around with my past.

✓ Yeah, I would really like to see more parks in my city, and I wish we had parks in Detroit so everyone could go there to relax or take a break from work.

Errors include singular/plural ('park' should be plural 'parks'), incorrect modal and tense ('I wish we have' should be 'I wish we had' for unreal present), and awkward phrases. Use 'parks' for countable plural, 'would like' for polite desire, and 'could' for possibility. Suggestion: use correct plural forms and appropriate conditional structures for wishes about current reality.

× There are many park I really want to go to the in the future, especially kidney land and we have it to three Disneyland. I want to go in the, uh, future like this. There is Disneyland, Shanghai Disneyland, homecoming, Disneyland Japani and I really, really want to see the dynasty.

✓ There are many parks I really want to visit in the future, especially places like Disneyland. I want to go to Shanghai Disneyland, Tokyo Disneyland, and other parks in the future.

Multiple pluralization errors: 'park' should be 'parks'; unclear names were used ('kidney land', 'Disneyland Japani'). Simplify to correct proper nouns and use 'visit' or 'go to' with plural 'parks'. Suggestion: use correct plural forms and standard names for places; list specific parks clearly and use consistent verb 'visit' or 'go to'.