Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Cevap doğrudan ve anlaşılır, ancak dilbilgisi hataları, tekrarlar ve akıcılık sorunları var. Daha doğal olmak için zaman uyumuna dikkat edin (past tense), gereksiz tekrarları ve dolgu kelimelerini (uh, very, very) azaltın. Cümleleri daha akıcı bağlamak için kısa bir konu cümlesi ve ardından bir veya iki destekleyici detay verin. Örneğin: "I loved swings and playing games with friends" gibi net bir ifadeyle başlayın, sonra bir örnek veya his paylaşın.

例: Yes, I loved going to parks as a child. The swings were my favorite because they felt thrilling, and I often played hide-and-seek with my friends, which made the afternoons very lively.

提案: Cevap net ama olumsuz başlangıç yüzeysel; daha doğal ve etkili olmak için doğrudan kısa konu cümlesi kurun, sonra sebepler ve bir istisna (nadiren gitme) verin. Dilbilgisi düzeltmesi: "have a nice breath" yerine "get some fresh air" kullanın. Bağlaçlarla (but, however) akışı iyileştirin.

例: I don't visit parks as often now because I'm usually busy with studying and work, and I don't expect to enjoy them the same way I did as a child. However, I do go occasionally to get some fresh air and relax.

提案: İyi fikir ama tekrarlayan kelimeler (nowadays, very, very) ve dolgu sesleri var. Görüşü desteklemek için neden daha fazla parka ihtiyaç olduğunu ve olası bir sonuç veya öneri ekleyin. Daha doğal ifade için "children with their phones" gibi basit, doğru ifadeler kullanın ve bağlaçlarla mantığı güçlendirin.

例: Yes, I'd like more parks because current playgrounds attract fewer active games; instead, many children spend time on their phones. Creating more attractive green spaces could encourage outdoor play and improve community health.

提案: Cevap açık fakat tekrarlamalar ve sözdizimi hataları dikkat çekiyor. "I cannot name them specifically" yerine daha doğal alternatifler söyleyin ve karşılaştırma yaparken net olun (concrete parks vs green parks). Öneri: bir tercih belirtin ve nedenini ekleyin (ör. daha fazla ağaç, sessizlik).

例: I don't have any specific parks in mind, but I'd love to visit greener parks rather than the concrete ones in my city because I enjoy being surrounded by trees and finding a quiet place to relax.

× Yes, I did like going to the park as a child.

✓ Yes, I liked going to the park as a child.

The auxiliary 'did' plus base verb is used for emphasis or questions in past; using 'did like' in a simple affirmative is unnecessary. Use the past simple 'liked' to match the past time reference. Suggestion: Use 'I liked' for straightforward past statements.

× When I was a child, the most entertaining thing in the park for me is the swing is swing.

✓ When I was a child, the most entertaining thing in the park for me was the swing.

The sentence mixes present tense 'is' with past context and repeats 'swing'. Use past tense 'was' to agree with 'When I was a child', and remove the redundant phrase. Suggestion: Keep tense consistent and avoid repetition.

× And we used to play with my friends like uh, hide and seek and I used to very, very fun.

✓ We used to play with my friends, for example hide-and-seek, and I used to have a lot of fun.

'Like' is informal for examples; 'used to very, very fun' is ungrammatical because 'fun' is a noun/adjective and needs a verb phrase. Use 'have fun' to express experiencing fun in the past. Also avoid starting sentences with 'And' in formal speech. Suggestion: Use 'for example' or 'such as' for examples and pair 'used to' with appropriate verbs (used to have).

× No, I don't like because I have other things to do such as studying, working, etcetera, and I don't think I can have fun the way I did in my childhood.

✓ No, I don't like going to parks because I have other things to do, such as studying and working, and I don't think I can have fun the way I did in my childhood.

Omitted verb after 'don't like' makes the sentence incomplete; in present tense when stating dislikes, follow 'don't like' with a gerund ('going to parks'). Also punctuation and conjunctions need cleanup. Suggestion: Use 'don't like going to parks' and list activities with 'such as' and 'and' for clarity.

× But I rarely go to the park to have a nice breath, so it is nice this way.

✓ But I rarely go to the park to get some fresh air, so it is nice when I do.

'Have a nice breath' is not idiomatic English; 'get some fresh air' or 'take a breath' are correct. 'So it is nice this way' is vague; 'so it is nice when I do' clarifies the meaning. Suggestion: Use idiomatic expressions like 'get some fresh air' and clarify the reference.

× Yes, I would like to see more parks in my city, uh, nowadays, because nowadays I cannot see children playing on the playground, but I always see children with their telephones on their hands, and this is a very, very sad situation.

✓ Yes, I would like to see more parks in my city nowadays, because I rarely see children playing on the playground; instead I often see children with telephones in their hands, which is very sad.

Redundant use of 'nowadays' and awkward phrase 'telephones on their hands'. Use 'would like' for preference. Replace 'on their hands' with 'in their hands' and remove repeated words for fluency. Suggestion: Avoid repetition and use correct preposition 'in' for holding objects.

× Yes, but I cannot name them specifically but in my in my city there is no green parks but concrete park parks.

✓ Yes, but I cannot name them specifically. In my city there are no green parks, only concrete ones.

Article and plural errors: 'no green parks' is fine but 'there is no green parks' mixes singular 'is' with plural 'parks'. Use 'there are' for plural. 'Concrete park parks' is redundant; say 'concrete ones'. Also remove duplicated 'in my'. Suggestion: Match 'there are' with plural nouns and use 'ones' to avoid repetition.

× So I would like to visit greener parks in my country.

✓ So I would like to visit greener parks in my country.

This sentence is grammatically acceptable. It correctly uses the infinitive 'to visit' after 'would like' and 'greener parks' as the object. No change needed. Suggestion: None.