Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Cümle yapısını ve zaman kullanımını düzelt; gereksiz tekrarları azalt; daha doğal ve akıcı bir konu cümlesi kur. Kısa ve net bir konu cümlesi ile başlayıp ardından bir veya iki destekleyici ayrıntı ver. Örnek: geçmiş zaman kullanırken "I liked" ya da "When I was a child, I often..." gibi net ifadeler kullan. Ayrıca gereksiz sesli dolgu sözcükleri (uh, um) azalt.

例: Yes, I liked going to parks when I was a child. I often went there with many friends and we played games like hide-and-seek. The green spaces and playgrounds were my favourite places to spend the afternoon.

提案: Daha açık bir konu cümlesi kur ve duygunu mantıklı biçimde bağla. Çelişkili görünen ifadeleri düzelt: eğer şimdi sık sık gitmiyorsan neden yine de hoşlandığını kısa bir sebeple açıkla. Bağlaçlar (however, although, because) kullanarak akışı iyileştir.

例: Not really; I don’t go to parks often now because I’m usually busy, but I still like them because they make me feel relaxed and happy when I visit. For example, a short walk in a park cheers me up.

提案: Cümledeki belirsizlikleri kaldır ve daha spesifik nedenler ver. 'Actually' ve 'but yeah' gibi ifadeleri daha düzgün bağlaçlarla değiştir. Neden daha fazla parka ihtiyaç duyduğunuzu gerekçe veya örnekle destekleyin (örneğin nüfus, yeşil alan eksikliği, aileler için faydalar).

例: We already have many parks, but I would still like to see more, especially in densely populated neighbourhoods. More parks would give families and children extra space to relax and exercise.

提案: İfadenizi tamamlayacak açık bir cümle kurun ve spesifik bir park türü veya özellik söyleyin. "A park for adults" gibi belirsiz ifadeyi genişletin: hangi özellikler var (fitness equipment, quiet zones, cafés)? Neden meraklı olduğunuzu ve ne zaman gitmeyi planladığınızı ekleyin. Bu, cevabı zenginleştirir ve mantıklı bağ kurar.

例: Yes, there is a new adult-only park near my neighbourhood that I want to visit. It has outdoor fitness equipment and quiet seating areas, so I’m curious to try the exercise machines and relax there next month.

× Is I like going to parks And so I have, I had many friends, uh, when I as a child, I love goats parks and playing game with my friends, for example, uh, hide and seek.

✓ I liked going to parks. I had many friends when I was a child. I loved going to parks and playing games with my friends, for example hide and seek.

The original sentence contains multiple pronoun and verb form errors. 'Is I like' is incorrect; use 'I liked' for past preference. 'When I as a child' should be 'when I was a child' (correct subject + past form of 'be'). 'I love goats parks' seems to be a mispronunciation; correct is 'I loved going to parks' (past tense to match childhood). Also 'playing game' should be plural 'playing games'. Suggestion: separate ideas into short sentences, use 'was' for 'I' with past time expressions, and match verb tense (past) consistently for childhood descriptions.

× No, not really. But I like parks because I feel when I say the parks, I happy, I'm happy.

✓ No, not really. But I like parks because when I say 'the parks' I feel happy.

Problems include awkward word order and missing verbs. 'I feel when I say the parks, I happy' lacks the verb 'am' and has redundant phrasing. Use 'I feel happy' or 'I am happy' after the clause 'when I say the parks'. Also avoid unnecessary repetition. Suggestion: simplify to 'when I say the parks I feel happy' or 'I feel happy when I go to parks.'

× Actually we have a many parks, but yeah, yes, I like to see more parks in my city.

✓ Actually we have many parks, but yes, I would like to see more parks in my city.

'a many parks' is incorrect; 'many' does not take the article 'a'. Also 'I like to see more' is grammatically acceptable but 'I would like to see more' is more natural and polite when expressing a desire. Suggestion: remove 'a' before 'many' and use 'would like' for future preference.

× One parks for adults. I see the park I curious.

✓ One park for adults. I see the park and I am curious.

'One parks' mixes singular 'one' with plural 'parks'; use 'one park'. The second sentence lacks proper connectors and the verb 'am' before 'curious' and needs 'and' to link ideas. Suggestion: use 'one park' for a single item, include 'and' to connect clauses, and use 'I am curious' to state a feeling.