Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Speak in complete, grammatically correct sentences and be concise. Start with a clear topic sentence (e.g., “Yes, I enjoyed going to parks as a child.”), then give one or two concrete reasons with short supporting details. Avoid repetition and unclear phrases. Use past tense consistently when talking about childhood. Link ideas with simple connectors like “because” or “and.”

例: Yes, I enjoyed going to parks as a child because they were peaceful and fun. For example, I learned about different trees and birds while exploring with my parents, and playing on the swings helped me relax and make friends.

提案: Use present tense and clear reasons. Begin with a direct answer (Yes/no), then give one or two specific reasons. Avoid repetitions and filler words. Use linking words like “because” or “so” to connect reasons and effects. Keep to a maximum of 3–4 short sentences.

例: Yes, I still enjoy going to parks now because they help me relax and clear my mind. For instance, when I feel lonely or stressed, a short walk among trees lifts my mood and helps me think more clearly.

提案: Give a clear opinion and support it with specific reasons and an example. Use correct collocations (e.g., “more parks”, “in my city”). Use present perfect carefully (e.g., “have been built”) and avoid repeating words. Structure: topic sentence + 1–2 supporting details + an example if helpful. Use linking words like “because” and “for example.”

例: Definitely, I would like to see more parks in my city because they improve air quality and provide safe places for exercise. For example, although several parks have been built in Kathmandu, many neighborhoods still lack green spaces for families and children.

提案: Answer directly and give a specific plan or example of a park you want to visit. Use future forms correctly (e.g., “I would like to visit…” or “I plan to visit…”). Provide one or two details about why you want to go there. Keep sentences clear and avoid vague phrasing like “in the any.”

例: I would like to visit the central botanical garden next year because I enjoy seeing different plant species and taking photos. I plan to go there with friends to have a picnic and explore the walking trails.

× When I was a child, I like going to park because Parker for me variety of variety of knowledge and refreshment of mind.

✓ When I was a child, I liked going to parks because they provided me with a variety of knowledge and refreshed my mind.

The sentence mixes past time marker 'When I was a child' with present tense 'like'; use past tense 'liked'. 'Park' should be plural 'parks' or use 'the park'; 'Parker' appears to be a typo and should be 'they' or 'parks'. 'Provide' should be past 'provided' to match past time. Also improve word order and collocations: 'a variety of knowledge' and 'refreshed my mind'. Suggestions: keep tense consistent, use correct noun forms, and use natural collocations like 'provided me with' and 'refreshed my mind'.

× Yes, I still like going to park now when I was, when I was lonely, when I felt loneliness and and.

✓ Yes, I still like going to parks now when I am lonely or feel lonely.

The sentence incorrectly mixes present 'now' with past 'when I was'. Because the speaker is talking about current habits, use present tense 'am' and 'feel'. 'Going to park' should be 'going to parks' or 'going to the park'. Remove duplicated words and use 'or' to join similar ideas. Suggestion: maintain present tense for current routines and correct noun plurality.

× I want to want to refresh and relax part of a variety of.

✓ I want to refresh and relax as part of a variety of activities.

This fragment contains repetition 'want to want to', incomplete phrase 'part of a variety of' and lacks a clear object. Rewrite to a complete clause: 'I want to refresh and relax as part of a variety of activities.' Suggestion: avoid repetition, complete the noun phrase after 'a variety of', and ensure the sentence expresses a full idea.

× Definitely I would like to receive more parks in city in my, for example, in Kathmandu, many parks are built, have been built, but they still parks still needed.

✓ Definitely I would like to have more parks in my city. For example, in Kathmandu many parks have been built, but more parks are still needed.

Incorrect collocation 'receive more parks' should be 'have more parks' or 'see more parks built'. 'In city in my' has wrong word order and missing article: use 'in my city'. Use present perfect 'have been built' to indicate completed actions with relevance to now. 'They still parks still needed' is ungrammatical; correct to 'more parks are still needed.' Suggestion: use proper articles and word order, choose correct verbs ('have' or 'be built'), and simplify into clear sentences.

× I want to go to in the any parks in future.

✓ I want to go to some parks in the future.

The original has incorrect word order 'go to in the any parks' and incorrect article usage. Use 'some parks' for unspecified plural and 'in the future' as the correct time expression. Suggestion: use standard phrase 'in the future' and place determiners before the noun ('some parks').