Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and correct grammar. Start with a clear topic sentence, avoid filler sounds, and give one or two specific supporting details. Use linking words like “because” or “and” to connect ideas.

例: Yes, I loved going to parks as a child. I spent most afternoons there with my friends because we played games and explored nature, which created many unforgettable memories.

提案: Use correct tense and clearer phrasing. Give a direct topic sentence, then one reason and frequency detail. Replace fillers and fix repetition.

例: Yes, I still go to parks sometimes for relaxation. As an adult I usually visit a park a few times each month to walk or read, rather than to play games.

提案: Correct vocabulary and sentence structure. Give a clear opinion, then two specific reasons with linking words like “because” and “so”. Avoid incorrect word forms (e.g., “Pax/parts/parks”).

例: Yes, I would like to see more parks in my city because they encourage social interaction and help people relax. For example, new parks with benches and playgrounds would give families and neighbors safe places to meet and unwind.

提案: Be specific and concise. State the park name or location, give a reason, and mention a plan or time. Remove hesitations and complete the final idea.

例: Yes, I want to visit an international park in Bangalore next year because friends recommended it for its beautiful gardens and cultural events. I plan to go during the spring when the weather is pleasant and many activities are held.

× Yes, I did my in my childhood, most of the time I spent in, uh, parks with my friends and it was very, uh, unforgettable memories for me.

✓ Yes, I did. In my childhood I spent most of the time in parks with my friends, and those were unforgettable memories for me.

The original contains extra words and incorrect structure ('my in my childhood', 'most of the time I spent in, uh, parks'). This is a sentence structure error (ID 26). Correct by splitting into clear clauses, placing time expression 'In my childhood' at the start, ordering 'spent most of the time in parks', and using a plural noun 'memories' with a clear linking phrase 'those were unforgettable memories'.

× Actually now I'm become adult, so sometimes I used to visit park for just for a relaxation, not for the playing and not for other things.

✓ Actually now I'm an adult, so sometimes I visit parks just for relaxation, not for playing or other activities.

Errors include incorrect verb form 'I'm become' and article/number issues ('visit park', 'a relaxation'), and awkward auxiliary 'used to' misuse. This is mainly sentence structure (ID 26) with article and tense problems. Use 'I'm an adult', present simple 'I visit' for habitual action, plural 'parks', and uncountable 'relaxation'. Remove redundant words.

× Umm but only few times I'm visiting the I used to visit the parks.

✓ But I only visit the parks a few times now.

The original mixes present continuous and 'used to' incorrectly and has word order problems. This is a present tense issue (ID 6). For habitual present actions, use present simple 'I visit' and place 'a few times' in the correct position. Remove extra words.

× Yes, I believe that Pax is one of the most place that influences the people to communicate and to make a new bonds and also spend their times in parks will get more relaxation.

✓ Yes, I believe that parks are among the places that encourage people to communicate, form new bonds, and relax when they spend time there.

Multiple mistakes: 'Pax' likely 'parks', 'one of the most place' is incorrect adjective/noun order, 'a new bonds' wrong article/number, and awkward phrasing 'spend their times in parks will get more relaxation'. This fits incorrect use of adjectives/adverbs and article/quantifier issues (ID 13 and also 22/14). Correction uses plural 'parks', 'among the places', plural 'bonds', and natural verb phrases 'encourage', 'form new bonds', 'relax'.

× So I would recommend to see more parts in my.

✓ So I would recommend creating more parks in my city.

Original is ungrammatical and unclear ('recommend to see more parts in my'). This is sentence structure error (ID 26). Use 'recommend creating more parks' or 'I would like to see more parks in my city' to express suggestion, and add 'city' to complete the idea.

× Yes, there is umm, international parks. I would like to visit in the future.

✓ Yes, there are international parks I would like to visit in the future.

Original uses singular 'there is' with plural 'international parks' — a 'there be' and subject-verb agreement issue (ID 3 and 27). Use 'there are' for plural and combine sentences for fluency.

× Uh, it's situated in Bangalore, so umm, I'm planning to visit in the future like maybe uh, next year I plan to go there to visit the parks.

✓ It's located in Bangalore, so I'm planning to visit, perhaps next year.

Redundant and awkward repetition ('I'm planning to visit... I plan to go there to visit the parks'). This is sentence structure error (ID 26). Simplify by using 'located' and one clear future plan phrase 'I'm planning to visit, perhaps next year'.

× It's umm, some of my friends told it was very nice and we can.

✓ Some of my friends said it was very nice.

The sentence is incomplete and ungrammatical ('we can' unfinished). This is a sentence structure error (ID 26). Provide a complete, concise report of what friends said; if intending to add 'we can go', include the full phrase: 'Some of my friends said it was very nice and that we can go together.'