Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more direct and concise. Start with a clear topic sentence (Yes/No + brief reason), avoid repetition and filler (e.g. repeated "I" and "so"), and add one specific detail to support the memory. Keep within 2–4 sentences.

例: Not really when I was very young, but I enjoyed visiting parks in my teens because I often walked there with a close friend for about an hour. Those afternoon walks are one of my best memories because we would sit by the pond and talk about school.

提案: Give a clear, structured response: state whether you still like parks, explain the constraint, and provide one specific example of what you do when you go. Remove repetitions and unfinished phrases. Use linking words like 'however' or 'but' to connect ideas.

例: Yes, I still enjoy parks, but I rarely have time because of my busy schedule. However, whenever I can, I go for a short walk with friends to relax and clear my mind.

提案: Answer directly and add a specific reason and example. Avoid repeating phrases like 'really really' and keep sentences concise. Use a linking word to connect your reason (for example, 'because').

例: Yes, I would, because parks improve the quality of life. For example, in Jodhpur there are several parks within walking distance of my home, which makes it easy to exercise and relax regularly.

提案: Provide a clearer direct answer and then give a specific plan or example of a park type you'd like to visit. Avoid vague phrases and hesitations; use linking words like 'but' or 'for example' to structure your idea.

例: I don't have a specific park in mind, but I would like to explore larger botanical gardens or nature parks nearby. For example, I plan to visit a botanical garden next month to enjoy the greenery and try walking barefoot on the grass for relaxation.

× As a child, no I I did not go much but in my teens I would go with my friend, have a walk and come back after an hour. And it's also so it was a best memory.

✓ As a child, no, I did not go much, but in my teens I would go with my friends, have a walk, and come back after an hour. It was one of my best memories.

Multiple issues: 'I I' is a repetition (sentence structure error, ID 26) corrected to single 'I'. 'friend' should be plural 'friends' because general habitual action with peers requires plural (singular/plural issue, ID 1). 'And it's also so it was a best memory.' is ungrammatical and unclear (sentence structure error, ID 26); corrected to 'It was one of my best memories.' which uses correct article and idiomatic phrasing (article error and structure). Suggestions: remove repeated words, use plural for general references to companion groups, and use idiomatic expressions like 'one of my best memories' rather than literal fragments. Note: Changes follow allowed problem types 1 and 26.

× Yes, I would love to spend more time, but as per my schedule, I'm I'm barely, I barely have some time left. So I would really go out, have a take a walk with my friends, relax, chill a bit. But I don't think in a in this era or in this.

✓ Yes, I would love to spend more time, but according to my schedule, I barely have any time left. So I would really like to go out, take a walk with my friends, relax and chill a bit. But I don't think people do that much in this era.

Several issues: repeated 'I'm I'm' is repetition (sentence structure error, ID 26). 'as per' is informal and non-idiomatic here; 'according to' is better (preposition usage, ID 11). 'I barely have some time left' is incorrect quantifier use; use 'any' with 'barely' (quantifier issue, ID 14). 'have a take a walk' has extra verb and incorrect verb form (verb + -ing or structure, ID 8); corrected to 'take a walk' and prefixed with 'like' for intent. The sentence fragment 'But I don't think in a in this era or in this.' is ungrammatical (sentence structure error, ID 26); clarified to 'But I don't think people do that much in this era.' Suggestions: avoid repetitions, choose correct prepositions, use 'any' after negative/limited contexts, and ensure verbs are not duplicated. Note: Changes conform to problem types 11,14,8,26.

× Yes I would love to as I'm in Jodhpur right now there are a lot of parks, it's just behind my house and it's very visible and walking distance to my house. So I would really really appreciate to have as many parks near me.

✓ Yes, I would love to. As I'm in Jodhpur right now, there are a lot of parks; one is just behind my house and within walking distance. So I would really appreciate having as many parks near me as possible.

Issues: run-on sentence and comma splices create sentence structure errors (ID 26); corrected by splitting into sentences and using appropriate punctuation. 'it's just behind my house and it's very visible and walking distance to my house' is repetitive and unidiomatic; changed to 'one is just behind my house and within walking distance' (preposition and adjective/adverb placement improvements, IDs 11 and 20). 'I would really really appreciate to have' uses incorrect verb pattern after 'appreciate' (should be 'appreciate having' or 'appreciate it if I had') — verb form issue (verb + -ing or verb pattern, ID 8). Also added 'as possible' for completeness. Suggestions: avoid repetition, use correct punctuation to separate ideas, use 'appreciate' + -ing or a clause, and use 'within walking distance' for idiomatic phrasing. Note: Changes match problem types 26,11,20,8.

× Specifically, I don't think of it right now, but maybe I would love to explore about the parks and green spaces. It it's very relaxing, it's good for eyes and even uh, in India it's said that it's good for walking barefoot.

✓ Specifically, I don't have any particular park in mind right now, but maybe I would love to explore the parks and green spaces. They are very relaxing, good for the eyes, and in India people say it is good to walk barefoot.

Problems: 'I don't think of it right now' is awkward; 'I don't have any particular park in mind right now' is clearer (sentence structure, ID 26). 'explore about the parks' wrongly uses the preposition 'about' with 'explore' (preposition error, ID 11); correct to 'explore the parks'. 'It it's very relaxing, it's good for eyes' contains repetition and article omission: 'It it's' duplicated (structure error, ID 26) and 'good for eyes' needs article: 'good for the eyes' (article error, ID 22). 'in India it's said that it's good for walking barefoot' is passive and awkward; changed to 'in India people say it is good to walk barefoot' for clarity and naturalness (sentence structure and passive voice, IDs 26 and 21). Suggestions: avoid unnecessary prepositions after verbs like 'explore', use definite article with body parts in general statements ('the eyes'), remove duplications, and prefer active natural phrasing when conveying common beliefs. Note: Changes address problem types 11,22,21,26.