Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more consistent with tense and avoid redundancy. Start with a clear topic sentence in past tense, then add one or two specific supporting details using linking words. Keep it within 3–4 sentences and avoid vague phrases like “some leisure time.”

例: Yes, I loved going to the nearby park when I was a child. My parents took me there every weekend, and I remember playing on the swings and having picnics under a big tree. Those visits gave me happy childhood memories and a strong love for outdoor activities.

提案: Make the response more fluent and combine fragmented sentences. Use linking words to connect ideas and give one specific example of what you do in parks now. Keep it to 3–4 sentences.

例: Yes, I still enjoy going to parks despite having a lot of homework. I usually go with friends because the relaxed atmosphere is perfect for chatting and unwinding after studying. For example, we often bring snacks and sit by the pond while discussing our day.

提案: Clarify and reorganize the answer: give a clear opinion, then two specific reasons linked with connectors. Avoid fragmented or unclear phrases like “it may boost” and check subject-verb agreement. Limit to 3 sentences.

例: Yes, I would like to see more parks in my city because they provide fresh air and safe places for children to play. Moreover, more parks would encourage families to spend time outdoors and create a livelier community atmosphere. This would also improve people’s physical and mental well-being.

提案: Be more precise about features and correct any factual or collocation issues (Yushan is known for mountains and sunrise rather than a train). Use linking words to explain why you chose it and one specific activity you would do there.

例: Yes, I would love to visit Yushan National Park in Taiwan because it is famous for its mountains and spectacular sunrises. I want to hike one of the trails early in the morning to watch the sunrise and enjoy the fresh air and forest views. The scenery would be great for photography and relaxing in nature.

× I love going to parks. As a child, my parents often took me to a park near my house. And this really gives me some sweet memories about my childhood and some leisure time.

✓ I loved going to parks. As a child, my parents often took me to a park near my house, and this gave me sweet memories of my childhood and some leisure time.

The sentence mixes present tense 'I love' with past context 'As a child' and past action 'took'. Use past tense 'loved' and 'gave' to maintain consistent past narration; also combine clauses and use 'memories of' rather than 'memories about'.

× I still love going to the park even though I have a lot of homework. I often go with my friends because I enjoy the relaxed atmosphere and it is a safe place to have fun. Also chat and relax.

✓ I still love going to the park even though I have a lot of homework. I often go with my friends because I enjoy the relaxed atmosphere and it is a safe place to have fun, chat, and relax.

The fragment 'Also chat and relax.' lacks a subject and verb; join it to the previous sentence and use a parallel verb list 'chat, and relax' for grammatical coordination. Tenses are appropriate (present simple) for habitual actions.

× I would love to see more parks in my city since it they provide fresh air and a safe place for children to spend time with their parents, it may boost. A lively atmosphere.

✓ I would love to see more parks in my city since they provide fresh air and a safe place for children to spend time with their parents, and they may boost a lively atmosphere.

There's an extraneous pronoun 'it' before 'they' causing pronoun error; remove 'it'. The original also has sentence fragments and punctuation issues: combine clauses with 'and' and ensure subject 'they' clearly refers to 'parks'. Use 'boost a lively atmosphere' as a complete verb phrase.

× I really want to go to Yushan National Park in Taiwan. It is famous for its train and the sunrise. I would love the fresh air and the view of forests.

✓ I really want to go to Yushan National Park in Taiwan. It is famous for its trails and its sunrise. I would love to experience the fresh air and the views of the forests.

'Train' is likely a word choice error; 'trails' fits parks better. Also use 'experience' to indicate intention and 'views of the forests' as a natural collocation. Maintain present simple for facts ('is famous') and conditional/modal 'would' for desire.