Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Your answer is relevant and gives a clear idea, but reduce hesitations and make the structure more natural with one strong topic sentence followed by a specific supporting detail. Replace fillers (uh, umm) and avoid vague phrasing like "the most attractive" without specifics. Keep it within 2–3 sentences.

例: Yes — I loved going to parks as a child. My family lived next to the biggest park in my hometown, so we spent nearly every weekend there playing games and having picnics.

提案: Good content and specific details. Improve coherence by correcting the phrase "working with my boyfriend" (likely meant "walking") and use a linking phrase to combine ideas smoothly. Limit to 2–3 sentences and vary vocabulary slightly.

例: Yes, I still do. I often go to the park with my boyfriend when we have free time, and we sometimes have picnics there with chocolate cake and pizza.

提案: The answer expresses a clear opinion but has hesitations and repetition. Make one concise topic sentence stating your opinion, then give a specific reason with a linking word. Avoid repeating previous statements and remove fillers.

例: Absolutely — I would like more parks in my city because they improve air quality and offer pleasant spaces for relaxation and exercise.

提案: Nice, clear idea and a personal dream. Make it more specific by naming one or two national parks you want to visit and explain why. Use a cohesive sentence structure: topic sentence + brief supporting detail.

例: Yes — I would love to visit US national parks, especially Yellowstone and the Grand Canyon, because I want to see unique landscapes and wildlife in person.

× our family lived nearby the most, umm, attractive park in my hometown and we spent our weekends there.

✓ Our family lived near the most attractive park in my hometown, and we spent our weekends there.

Use 'near' or 'nearby' correctly: 'nearby' is typically an adjective or adverb meaning 'close' and is used before a noun ('the nearby park') or after a verb ('lived nearby'). In this sentence 'lived near' is more natural. Also add a comma before the coordinating conjunction 'and' joining two independent clauses.

× I'm really into working with my boyfriend.

✓ I'm really into walking with my boyfriend.

The original likely used 'working' mistakenly; context suggests 'walking' (visiting parks). 'I'm really into' should be followed by a gerund; both 'working' and 'walking' are gerunds but meaning differs. If 'working' was intended, the sentence is grammatical but mismatches context. Change to 'walking' to match parks context.

× We go to the parks almost every day when we have some spare time.

✓ We go to the park almost every day when we have some spare time.

Use the definite article appropriately: when referring to parks in general activities the singular countable 'the park' (a habitual visit to a specific local park) or no article with plural ('parks') depending on meaning. Because the speaker earlier referenced 'the park', 'the park' is more consistent. Using 'the parks' implies many different parks; choose one to match context.

× We also have picnics sometimes where we bring our favorite chocolate cake and pizza.

✓ We also sometimes have picnics where we bring our favorite chocolate cake and pizza.

Adverb placement: 'sometimes' usually appears before the main verb or after auxiliary. Moving 'sometimes' before 'have' produces a more natural sentence flow. Additionally, 'favorite chocolate cake and pizza' is fine, but consider 'our favorite chocolate cake and our favorite pizza' if both are separately favored.

× I think that parks provide clearer air and as a result, it enhances overall, uh, quality of life.

✓ I think that parks provide clearer air and, as a result, they enhance overall quality of life.

Subject-verb agreement and pronoun reference: 'parks' is plural, so the pronoun and verb must be plural ('they enhance'). Also remove filler 'uh' and unnecessary commas. 'Overall quality of life' is the correct noun phrase order.

× And, uh, as I said, I really like to spend my time there.

✓ And, as I said, I really like spending my time there.

Both 'like to spend' and 'like spending' are grammatical with slight stylistic difference. 'Like spending' (gerund) is more natural in conversational English here. Remove filler 'uh' for clarity.

× I have always dreamed about visiting the USA.

✓ I have always dreamed of visiting the USA.

Both 'dream about' and 'dream of' are used, but 'dream of doing something' is more common and idiomatic when expressing aspiration. Use 'dream of visiting' for natural phrasing.

× there are a lot of national parks that are very popular all around the world.

✓ There are a lot of national parks that are very popular around the world.

'All around the world' is acceptable but wordy; 'around the world' is more concise. Capitalization: start sentence with capital 'There'. No article change needed. This is minor stylistic improvement.

× So my dream is to go to the most popular national parks of the USA.

✓ So my dream is to go to the most popular national parks in the USA.

Use 'in the USA' rather than 'of the USA' when referring to locations within a country. 'Parks in the USA' is the natural collocation.