Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be accurate and concise. Start with a clear topic sentence that answers the question, then add one or two specific supporting details. Avoid inaccuracies (e.g., 'Paris' vs 'parks') and unnecessary repetition. Use linking words for coherence.

例: Yes, I loved going to parks as a child. Every Sunday after church my family would picnic there and I would play games with neighborhood friends, which made those days really special.

提案: Make your answer more fluent and grammatically correct. Give a direct topic sentence, then briefly explain the reason with linking words (e.g., 'but'/'however'). Avoid filler words like 'umm' and correct tense and article use.

例: Yes, I still enjoy going to parks. However, because I am currently working long hours, I rarely have time to visit them during the week, though I would go if I had more free time.

提案: Be more organized and precise. Start with a clear opinion, then give specific reasons using linking words (e.g., 'because', 'for example'). Avoid vague phrases and incorrect word choices ('parts' -> 'parks').

例: Absolutely. I would like to see more parks in my city because they provide peaceful places to relax; for example, I often sit and watch people walking or listen to street musicians, which helps me unwind.

提案: Answer directly and logically. Begin with the park name, then give specific details and a reason for interest. Fix grammar and keep sentences concise (max 5). Avoid repetition and incomplete endings.

例: Yes, I would like to visit Manila Ocean Park in the future. It is a marine-themed park in Manila with a large oceanarium, a 220° underwater tunnel and sea lion shows, and I have wanted to go since I was a child.

× Yes, I like going to Paris when I was a child and my family and I went every Sunday after church and we would go straight to the park, picnic, playing with nice friends, just like that.

✓ Yes, I liked going to parks when I was a child. My family and I went every Sunday after church and we would go straight to the park to have picnics and play with friends.

Mixed present and past tenses and incorrect place name: the student uses 'like' (present) with 'when I was a child' (past). Use past tense 'liked' to match the time frame. 'Paris' is likely a mistake for 'parks' given context; corrected to 'parks'. 'Picnic' should be the verb phrase 'to have picnics' or noun plural 'picnics', and 'playing with nice friends' should be 'play with friends' for parallel structure. Suggestions: keep past tense throughout sentences about childhood and use correct noun forms and parallel verbs.

× Yes, even I am an adult now, I would still like going to the park but umm on my situation right now I am working.

✓ Yes, even though I am an adult now, I would still like to go to the park, but at the moment I am working.

Awkward present tense phrasing and incorrect expression 'even I am' and 'like going' after 'would'. Use 'even though' to introduce contrast, 'would still like to go' or simply 'still like to go' is better, and 'on my situation right now' is wrong preposition; use 'at the moment' or 'right now'. Suggestions: use clear conjunctions ('even though') and standard time expressions ('at the moment') and use 'like to do' or 'would like to do'.

× I don't have a free time to go into park but if they allow me to go in there, I would definitely choose yes.

✓ I don't have free time to go to the park, but if I were allowed to go there, I would definitely say yes.

'a free time' is incorrect; 'free time' is uncountable so no article. 'go into park' should be 'go to the park' (use article and correct preposition). 'if they allow me to go in there' is vague and uses incorrect pronoun and form; use conditional 'if I were allowed' or 'if they allowed me'. 'choose yes' is unnatural; use 'say yes'. Suggestions: remove unnecessary articles for uncountable nouns, use 'go to the park', and use natural conditional phrasing.

× Absolutely yes. You know what, for me every time I see more parts that give me Peace of Mind, I will sit down on there watching people walking and playing music that sounds kinda good and relaxing.

✓ Absolutely. You know, whenever I see more parks that give me peace of mind, I sit down there to watch people walking and listen to music that sounds pleasant and relaxing.

'Absolutely yes' is unnatural; 'Absolutely' suffices. 'parts' is a misspelling of 'parks'. 'Peace of Mind' should be lowercase 'peace of mind'. 'I will sit down on there' uses wrong preposition and future tense; general habit uses present simple 'I sit down there'. 'watching people walking and playing music' wrongly implies people are playing music; better: 'watch people walking and listen to music'. 'kinda' is informal; use 'pleasant'. Suggestions: correct vocabulary ('parks'), use appropriate tense for habitual actions (present simple), correct prepositions ('sit down there'), and use standard adjectives.

× So if I am given a chance I would choose.

✓ So if I were given a chance, I would choose it.

Conditional structure: 'If I am given a chance' is acceptable but with unreal or unlikely condition 'If I were given a chance' is more appropriate with 'would'. Also 'choose' needs an object; add 'it' or specify what. Suggestions: use consistent conditional form 'If I were..., I would...' and include object if needed.

× Yes, over here in the Philippines we have a lot of parks but I would choose in Manila Ocean Park.

✓ Yes, here in the Philippines we have a lot of parks, but I would choose Manila Ocean Park.

Unnecessary 'over' and awkward preposition 'choose in Manila Ocean Park'. Use 'choose Manila Ocean Park' without 'in'. Also 'over here' is informal; 'here' is sufficient. Suggestions: remove redundant words and use correct verb-object structure 'choose [place]'.

× So it is located in the Manila.

✓ It is located in Manila.

Do not use the definite article 'the' before most city names like Manila. Also 'So' at sentence start is unnecessary. Suggestions: omit 'the' before city names and avoid filler 'so'.

× So it is a marine theme park with a giant oceanarium with 220° curve, underwater tunnel and sea lion show.

✓ It is a marine-themed park with a giant oceanarium with a 220° curve, an underwater tunnel, and a sea lion show.

Hyphenation needed: 'marine-themed'. Parallel listing requires articles 'a 220° curve, an underwater tunnel, and a sea lion show'. Also 'with' repeated is acceptable but redundancy reduced. Suggestions: use hyphens for compound adjectives and keep parallel structure in lists with appropriate articles.

× So it is my dream part when I was.

✓ It was my dream place when I was a child.

Fragments and missing words: 'dream part' should be 'dream place'. 'when I was' is incomplete; add 'a child' and use past tense 'was' to match past time. Suggestions: complete time clauses and use correct nouns ('place' not 'part').