Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Reduce hesitation and repetition, begin with a clear topic sentence, and add one specific supporting detail. Use linking words to make the answer coherent. Keep it within 2–4 concise sentences.

例: Yes, I loved going to parks as a child. After my father returned from work each day, we would go to the nearby park where I played football and tag with other children. This routine made the park an important part of my childhood.

提案: Start with a direct topic sentence, then give two clear supporting points connected by a linking word (e.g., "however" or "now"). Reduce filler words and group related vocabulary together to sound more fluent.

例: Yes, I still enjoy going to parks. Now I appreciate the nature — the trees and flowers and their scent — and I usually go for walks rather than playing games.

提案: Respond directly with a topic sentence, then give one specific reason and a brief consequence using a linking word (e.g., "because" or "so"). Avoid vague phrases like "very small" without examples.

例: I would like to see more large parks in my city because most existing parks are tiny squares. Bigger parks would allow longer walks and places for weekend picnics.

提案: Give a clear short answer and then add a realistic and specific example or a single reason. Avoid absolute phrases that sound unlikely; be more focused.

例: I don't have a specific park in mind, but I would love to visit famous parks such as Central Park in New York or Hyde Park in London because they are large and culturally interesting.

× I always, uh, contact him to, uh, to go to the park.

✓ I always contact him to go to the park.

The sentence uses filler words but the main issue is unnecessary repetition of 'to' before the infinitive. Use the base infinitive 'to go' once. Remove repeated 'to' and fillers for clarity.

× Uh, the most thing that I like there is to play with other kids.

✓ The thing I liked most there was playing with other kids.

'The most thing' is incorrect; use 'the thing I liked most' or 'what I liked most'. Also maintain past tense 'liked' because the question refers to childhood. Use gerund 'playing' after 'liked'.

× I like to walk more than play.

✓ I like walking more than playing.

When comparing two activities, parallel gerund forms improve clarity: 'walking' and 'playing'. Keeping present tense 'like' is correct for current habits.

× I hope that I can see different parks, huge parks, so that I can walk more in there.

✓ I hope I can see different, larger parks so that I can walk there more.

Use 'there' without 'in' for location reference; place adverb 'more' after 'there' or rephrase. Also 'huge parks' is fine but 'larger parks' fits comparison better. Remove redundant commas.

× Well, there are no certain park that I want to go to, but I hope that I can visit, uh, every park in every country, uh, around the world.

✓ Well, there is no particular park that I want to go to, but I hope I can visit every park in every country around the world.

'There are no certain park' is ungrammatical: use singular 'is' with 'no particular park' or plural 'no particular parks'. 'Certain' is better replaced by 'particular'. Remove filler words and unnecessary commas for fluency.