Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be direct and concise. Start with a clear topic sentence (yes/no + brief reason), avoid contradictions and repetitiveness (e.g. “not every time” then “sometimes”), correct grammar (use ‘at midnight’, plural/singular), and give one specific supporting detail. Use a linking phrase if adding contrast.

例: Yes, I did enjoy going to parks as a child because I liked playing on the swings and running around with my friends. However, I didn’t always feel comfortable there at night, because it could be dark and a little scary.

提案: Combine short fragments into smooth sentences. Avoid redundancy (‘remember’ + ‘reminisce’). Provide one clear reason and one specific example. Use linking words to connect ideas (for example, ‘because’ or ‘so’).

例: Yes, I still enjoy going to parks because they help me relax and remind me of childhood. For example, sitting on a bench watching children play often brings back memories of my own afternoons at the playground.

提案: Clarify your main point and correct word choice (use ‘expand’ or ‘build’ instead of ‘expel’), remove unclear fragments (‘UH’, ‘not too bad ****’, ‘1’). Give a specific reason (e.g. overcrowding, lack of green space) and one example or suggestion. Keep sentences grammatical and coherent.

例: Yes, I would like more parks in my city because existing parks are often overcrowded and there are few green spaces in some neighborhoods. For instance, the nearest park becomes very cramped on weekends, so a new small park nearby would make it easier for families to relax.

提案: Be specific about the park and why you want to visit. Avoid vague phrases (‘this relaxed’, ‘not at the park’). Use a topic sentence naming the park and then give 1–2 clear supporting details (activities, attractions). Use linking words like ‘because’ or ‘for example’.

例: Yes, I would like to visit the Riverside Park next summer because it has a large carousel and pleasant walking paths. For example, I’d love to ride the carousel and then walk along the river to relax and take photos.

× Yes, but not every time I like going to the park.

✓ Yes, but not every time I like going to parks.

The student used the definite article 'the' with a general habit. When speaking about activities in general, plural without article or 'the' with a specific park should be used. Use 'going to parks' to express a general activity.

× Sometimes when I go to the park in midnight, I feel scared and frightened.

✓ Sometimes when I go to the park at midnight, I feel scared and frightened.

The preposition 'in' is incorrect with 'midnight'; the correct preposition is 'at' for precise times. Use 'at midnight'. This keeps the present simple for habitual action.

× Yes, I still like going to parks. Personally. I feel like when I go to the park I remember I reminisce the feeling of being a child again.

✓ Yes, I still like going to parks. Personally, I feel that when I go to a park I reminisce and feel like a child again.

Fragment 'Personally.' should be connected with a comma. 'I feel like when I go to the park I remember I reminisce the feeling' is repetitive and ungrammatical: choose one verb ('reminisce') and correct article usage: use 'a park' for a non-specific park. Also combine clauses with correct conjunctions and verb forms.

× Yes, I feel like we need to expel more parks in UH in my city because there is almost every stray cat I see and not too bad ****.

✓ Yes, I feel like we need to expand more parks in UH in my city because there are so many stray cats I see and not too bad facilities.

The student wrote 'expel' (wrong verb) and used 'there is almost every stray cat' (wrong verb number and word order). Replace 'expel' with 'expand' or 'build' depending on meaning; use plural 'there are' for countable 'cats' and correct word order 'so many stray cats'. Also 'not too bad ****' is unclear; I suggested 'not too bad facilities' as a plausible correction but original meaning should be clarified.

× Whenever I go to 1 it gets very cramped.

✓ Whenever I go to it, it gets very cramped.

The original has '1' likely a typo for 'it' or 'one'. If referring to a park, use 'it' or 'one' consistently. Ensure subject pronoun matches and add a comma after the adverbial clause. Maintain singular reference 'it'.

× Yes, I want to go to this relaxed because it's not at the park.

✓ Yes, I want to go to this relaxed place because it's not in the park.

Sentence lacks a noun after 'relaxed' — 'relaxed place' is needed. Preposition 'at' with 'park' is awkward; use 'in the park' for something located inside a park. Structure needs a clear noun phrase.

× It's certainly used with the park and I love to go to the carousel and move around it.

✓ It's certainly associated with the park, and I love to go on the carousel and ride around it.

'Used with the park' is awkward; 'associated with' or 'connected to' is better. For amusement rides, collocate 'go on the carousel' and 'ride around it'. Also add comma before conjunction joining two independent clauses.