Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and correct grammar. Start with a clear topic sentence, avoid repetition (‘near the near’), use correct articles and verb forms, and add one specific supporting detail. Use linking words modestly to connect ideas.

例: Yes, I loved going to parks as a child, especially the Han River parks near my hometown. I often went there with my family, and we enjoyed the fresh riverside air and picnics. For example, we would sit by the water and eat ramen while watching boats pass.

提案: Improve tense consistency and clarity. Begin with a direct topic sentence, then briefly explain the change and give one concrete example of activities. Avoid unclear phrases like ‘phoned off’ and check pronouns and contractions.

例: Yes, I still enjoy going to parks. Since becoming an adult, I usually go with friends rather than family; for example, my best friend and I often go cycling and try different outdoor activities together.

提案: Correct articles and pluralization, and be specific about reasons. Provide one clear reason why more parks are desirable and name the place correctly. Avoid vague phrasing (‘which is the very famous place for’).

例: Yes, definitely. There are probably many parks I haven't visited, so I would welcome more green spaces. In particular, I would like to visit parks near Yaoito because they are said to have beautiful riverside views and good walking trails.

提案: Avoid repetition and fix grammar and word order. Start with a direct answer, then give a specific reason with a concise supporting detail. Remove redundant phrases like ‘I heard that my friend said’.

例: Yes, I would like to visit the park near Yaido because I've never been there. My friend told me it has beautiful riverside scenery and several scenic walking paths, so I want to see it for myself.

× Yes, I was a huge fan of Park, especially the Han River parks which is near the near my hometown.

✓ Yes, I was a huge fan of parks, especially the Han River parks which are near my hometown.

The sentence misuses the definite article and singular/plural forms. 'Park' should be plural 'parks' to match the rest of the sentence. 'the Han River parks which is' has subject-verb disagreement; 'parks' requires the plural verb 'are'. Remove the extra 'the near'. Suggestion: use 'parks' and 'which are near my hometown' for correct article and agreement.

× I used to go there with my family and enjoyed a fresh atmosphere of Han River and also had some nicely cooked ramen.

✓ I used to go there with my family, enjoyed the fresh atmosphere of the Han River, and also had some nicely cooked ramen.

The original mixes verb forms and lacks articles. 'a fresh atmosphere of Han River' is awkward; use 'the fresh atmosphere of the Han River' to specify that river. Also ensure parallel verbs: 'used to go', 'enjoyed', 'had'. Adding commas improves clarity.

× Yes, I definitely love to go to the park, but after I became an adult I started to go to the park with my friends instead of my family.

✓ Yes, I definitely love going to the park, but after I became an adult I started going to the park with my friends instead of my family.

Use of 'love to go' is acceptable but 'love going' is more natural for habitual action. To maintain parallel structure, use 'started going' rather than 'started to go'. Keep tense consistent for habitual present and past actions.

× I had one best friend who phoned off trying some outdoor activities and we're a very good combination.

✓ I had one best friend who phoned me to try some outdoor activities, and we were a very good combination.

'phoned off' is incorrect; likely intended 'phoned me' or 'phoned to invite me'. Also 'we're' mixes present with past context—use 'we were' to match 'I had'. Clarify 'phoned me to try some outdoor activities' for meaning.

× Yes, definitely. I think there would be hundreds of parks that I have never visited before, so I would love to try another parks in the future.

✓ Yes, definitely. I think there are hundreds of parks that I have never visited, so I would love to try other parks in the future.

'There would be' is incorrect here; use present 'there are' for current belief. 'have never visited before' is redundant—use 'have never visited'. 'another parks' is ungrammatical: use 'other parks' (plural) or 'another park' (singular). Choose 'other parks' to match 'hundreds'.

× Especially I want to try some parks near the Yaoito, which is the very famous place for.

✓ Especially, I want to try some parks near Yaoito, which is a very famous place.

Remove unnecessary 'the' before 'Yaoito' if it's a proper name without 'the'. 'which is the very famous place for' is ungrammatical; use 'which is a very famous place' or 'which is very famous for (something)'. If you mean famous for a reason, specify it: 'which is very famous for its scenery.'

× As I mentioned, I want to try to visit park near the Yaido because I've never been there before, but I heard that my friend said it is a it has a very good scenery beside the river.

✓ As I mentioned, I want to try to visit the park near Yaido because I've never been there before, but I heard from my friend that it has very good scenery beside the river.

Use 'the park' to refer to a specific park, and 'Yaido' without 'the' if it's a place name. Remove redundant words 'it is a it has a'. Use 'very good scenery' (no 'a' before 'scenery'). Use 'heard from my friend' or 'my friend said that' for correct reporting. Ensure article and singular/plural correctness.