Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Make the response more natural and concise. Start with a clear topic sentence, then give one or two specific supporting details using linking words. Correct verb forms and avoid repetition of 'used to'.

例: Yes, I enjoyed exploring parks as a child. However, my father was often busy with work, so he rarely took me; instead, I would stay home and watch videos of different parks to imagine visiting them.

提案: Combine short sentences to sound more fluent and add a specific example of what you do in parks. Use linking words to connect ideas for coherence.

例: Yes, I still enjoy going to parks because they help me relax and feel close to nature; for example, I often sit by a pond and watch birds while listening to the breeze.

提案: Be more precise and grammatically correct. State the main point, give specific reasons and use linking words. Replace vague phrases like 'enjoy a lot' with concrete benefits.

例: Yes, I would. There are few parks nearby, so I often have to travel far to visit one; therefore, if the government built more small parks in residential areas, people would have easier access to green space for exercise and relaxation.

提案: Answer directly and provide a clear, fluent description with specific details about the park and why you want to visit. Avoid sentence fragments and vague 'etcetera'.

例: Yes, I would like to visit Lumini Park because it has a beach house and boating facilities; I am especially keen to try the paddle boats and walk along the shoreline.

× but my father didn't used to take me to parks as he was busy in his work.

✓ but my father didn't use to take me to parks as he was busy with his work.

The phrase 'didn't used to' is incorrect because after the auxiliary 'did' the base form 'use' should be used, not 'used'. Also 'busy in his work' is unidiomatic; 'busy with his work' is the correct preposition. Use 'didn't use to' to describe habitual actions in the past that did not occur.

× So I used to sit at home and enjoy videos of parks.

✓ So I used to sit at home and enjoy watching videos of parks.

After 'enjoy' the gerund (-ing form) is required for the following verb: 'enjoy watching'. The original 'enjoy videos' is grammatically possible but less natural; 'enjoy watching videos' clearly expresses the intended action.

× I find peace.

✓ I find peace there.

The original sentence is grammatically correct but sounds incomplete in context. Adding 'there' clarifies the location where the speaker finds peace, improving cohesion with the previous sentence.

× When I go there, it is like I'm close to nature and people.

✓ When I go there, I feel close to nature and to other people.

'It is like I'm close to nature and people' is conversational but awkward. Replacing with 'I feel close to nature and to other people' uses a clearer verb 'feel' and adds 'to' before 'other people' for parallel structure and clarity.

× Yes, I'd love to see more parks in my city as there were no much parks here.

✓ Yes, I'd love to see more parks in my city as there were not many parks here.

'No much parks' is ungrammatical. Use 'not many parks' to express a small number of countable nouns. The negative 'not many' correctly modifies the plural countable noun 'parks'.

× I have to travel so long to visit a park.

✓ I have to travel a long way to visit a park.

'Travel so long' is not idiomatic. Use 'travel a long way' or 'travel far' to indicate a long distance. 'A long way' fits better with 'have to travel'.

× So if the government considered this and construct new parks, we can enjoy a lot.

✓ So if the government considers this and constructs new parks, we can enjoy them a lot.

In a conditional sentence about a possible future action, use present simple in the if-clause: 'if the government considers'. Also verbs must agree with the singular subject: 'constructs'. Finally add an object 'them' to clarify what 'enjoy a lot' refers to and make 'enjoy them a lot' more natural.

× Yes, there are parks I often want to visit, for example Lumini Park.

✓ Yes, there are parks I often want to visit, for example, Lumini Park.

This sentence is mostly correct; only punctuation is improved by adding a comma after 'for example'. No tense change is necessary. The suggestion preserves present tense 'want to visit' which expresses habitual desire.

× As it consists of beach house. Boating, etcetera.

✓ It has a beach house, boating, and so on.

The original uses sentence fragments and awkward phrasing. 'As it consists of beach house' is ungrammatical; use 'It has a beach house'. List items should be connected with commas and conjunctions: 'beaching house, boating, and so on' or 'beach house, boating, etc.' Avoid sentence fragments.